Hoboscopes

By Jill Ensley

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Don't expect me to keep this up either.

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19) Pay close attention to your interaction with other boes today. The usual charm you wield with your mighty bindle has others chafing like a bad case of the scibs. Might be best to stay curled up in your favorite spot near the old train depot until tomorrow.

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20) You're a stubborn cuss and everyone in Hoboville knows it. Ease up today and give that boob NoShoes Perkins back his stupid can of beans. There are other things to focus on. Try being creative today. Perhaps there is a better, faster way of catching sky rats?.

Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20) Today is the day for something dramatic, like a jaunty red scrap of cloth in your lapel or going to the local McDonald's to wash your last pair of underpants. Try not to go overboard though. Remember, no one likes a show off.

Cancer (June 21 - Jul 22) Everyone knows you're a crybaby. But today, this crab is staying closer to the surface. If all crabs did that, maybe you wouldn't spend so much time with your hand in your drawers.

Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22) You may feel inclined to shower the new looloo in town with extravagant gifts of tin-foil brooches and fresh-picked bouquets of dandelions, but let it pass. Be warned dear Leo, that "lady" is no lady.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22) Generally, you're an even-headed fellow, no Hobby Hobo for sure. But tonight, when you're lying in your own sick after eating those biddles from the trashcan, remember, you're not as smart as you look.

Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22) Today is the day to start something creative and new! Jump that Eastbound bottle wagon! Design a new hobo sign that no one will understand! Use some burnt wood from last night's campfire and draw a self-portrait! Just do something and shut yer damn bazoo!

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21) As the only hobo with a working harmonica within fifty miles, you may be asked to be the entertainer more than you'd like to be. Know when to say no and don't be afraid to bring out your shiv for emphasis. You probably won't even have to use it. And even if you do, they were probably asking for it.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21) That special twinkle in your perpetually bloodshot eyes could land you in trouble today. Be clear that song and dance you gave that nice lady for some lump was not an invitation to do the horizontal mambo. No matter how nice she seems, her husband's shotgun ain't too sweet on ya.

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19) You're in danger of being labeled a barnacle my friend. Cut loose from that reg'lar paycheck before the next thing you know, you've got a two-story box and a stern shanty queen breathin' down yer neck. Time to move on, my friend.

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18) So this lady friend you've been trampin' around with is giving you a bad rash, in more ways than one. Things may come to a full head today when you catch her stealin' bread with that red-faced kid simple. Shake it off. There are plenty of road broads around the bend.

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20) While you may be thinking about settling down and calling it quits today, don't let on. You've worked too hard cultivating your salty exterior to let anyone see the soft, caring hobo within. Try small gestures for now, like helping a fellow traveler up on to the car instead of stomping on his fingers like you usually do.

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Posted by mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) on May 11, 2008 at 5:36 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Fuckin' awesome.

Posted by DOTDOT (anonymous) on May 11, 2008 at 6:28 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Born under the sign of the Libra
he thirsts in the seas of cerebra
not balanced like scales
his image prevails
more like the ass of a Zebra

Posted by DOTDOT (anonymous) on May 11, 2008 at 6:29 p.m. (Suggest removal)

There.

Posted by OtherJoel (anonymous) on May 11, 2008 at 8:26 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Whoa. This was your creation, Jill? That is all kinds of awesome. And so accurate, b/c I DO get sick of always having to entertain the other hobos with my harmonica. Not sure about the shiv part, though. I'm kind of clumsy, so that could backfire.

Posted by OtherJoel (anonymous) on May 11, 2008 at 8:45 p.m. (Suggest removal)

This reminds me of something I found a while back while wasting time on Google: http://www.hobo.com/convention.htm

I am tempted to make the trip up to Britt one year just to witness what has to be a fascinating event. And they have t-shirts!

Posted by godjilla (Jill Ensley) on May 11, 2008 at 10:30 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Whenever I'm sleep deprived, I wonder if anyone else will find these things as amusing as I do. I'm glad there's at least a few of you out there.

OJ, This love of all things Hobo stems from my Comic-Con days when we called ourselves HoboPirates ("Singin' Songs, Makin' Friends"). I saw that convention listed back then and always wanted to go. Hmmm...maybe there's something good in Iowa after all. YAR HAR.

DOTS, we're BOTH Libras?! Who woulda thunk it.

Posted by godjilla (Jill Ensley) on May 11, 2008 at 10:32 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Also, I'd like to thank this website:

http://www.hobonickels.org/terms.htm

Posted by DOTDOT (anonymous) on May 11, 2008 at 11:40 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Howdja guess I wasn't talking about somebody else?

It was the zebra's ass reference I bet.

Posted by godjilla (Jill Ensley) on May 12, 2008 at 12:31 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Us Libras are always talking about ourselves, even if we aren't.

Posted by lazz (anonymous) on May 12, 2008 at 3:47 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Jilla, you Libras are open-hearted, dirt-hugging softies compared with us Leos. Thanks for the heads-up on that "lady" thing, though. Whew. Don't want to have to go through THAT ONE again!

Speaking of all things hobo, a book NOT to be missed:
HOBO: A Young Man's Thoughts on Trains and Tramping in America, by Eddy Joe Cotton
a great book. what a great read. Cotton has an amazing mind and intense, INTENSE creative spirit ...
he's the founder of YARD DOGS ROAD SHOW (Waka two years ago; returning this year Sat and Sun; what an amazing troupe ... I think they call it "hobo cabaret"

http://www.yarddogsroadshow.com/
http://www.eddyjoecotton.com/

also, as long as you're tuning in to the hobo thing, you really oughta get seriously hip to (if you're not already) Jim Tully.
BEGGARS OF LIFE is a great place to start, but there are some seriously kickass short stories out there, too ...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Tully

Posted by DOTDOT (anonymous) on May 12, 2008 at 5:09 p.m. (Suggest removal)

self referentially self referential
irrelevant yet nonessential
not balanced in tandem
the scales swing at random
sequential chaotic potential

There again.

Hoboscopes

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