Commence Total Freakout... Now

By Matt Armstrong

Friday, April 25, 2008

I should just say this up front, I absolutely detest "Concerts". On the other hand, my favorite past time is going to "Shows". Everybody knows the difference, right?

Concerts are held in large, booming rooms, or heaven forbid, outside. There has to be at least 1,000 people there, there has to be at least two separate opening acts, and there has to be booze served (preferably a Miller Lite sponsorship). People being human and all, sitting through a shitty touring band followed by an even shittier band that Pitchfork is writing about, it's anything but interesting, and even farther away from any sort of fun. Plus you get the pleasure of wanting to booze, but not being able to get any of the quality you want, and paying 300% more for the shite. Then when the band that you paid $35 - $75 dollars for comes on, they're hundreds of yards away, the sound muffled by open air and near Faulknerian idiot conversation, tiny and still like statues, banging away at a too long set.

Shows, on the contrary, are inside dark rooms, or if the good Lord loves you, a neighborhood basement or backyard (people over 27 need not apply). You may be in crowds as large as 5 - 50 people. You may know the other people in the crowd, as they are compatriot music lovers. You may end up at the show because you ran into a drinking buddy as they were leaving a bar, and they invited you to see "some band I heard was good, like Brainiac and Andrew Bird had a baby and it wasn't called Xiu Xiu." You'd be surprised how many times April and Patrick have said those exact words to me, by the by. Speaking of being in bars, there will be a bar near the stage at a show, and it is welcome and encouraged to bring the band shots (all bands drink Jaegermeister, so you know). Shows are intimate, deafeningly fun affairs, with old and potential new friends. You get to personally show the band appreciation for giving you a good night, either by buying their merchandise personally, or offering them a place a stay (thus instantly making their night profitable, so if you're a fan, do it), or giving them slightly toothy blowjobs in the parking garage behind Replay. What ever your style is.

But the absolute worst, of all entertainment, is the God damn "Music Festival". It's hard for me to describe how much I hate life while wading through a small town's worth of people trying to get their hands on Wayne Coyne in a hamster ball. It's every thing regrettable about humanity and Heavy Metal Parking Lot rolled together in a funnel cake fueled frenzy of fandom. I've been to plenty of music festivals, and have never once enjoyed myself. Finally got to see Ministry at Lollapalooza when I was a kid, and thanks to the crowd, it was utterly ruined. Went to Wakarusa a year or two ago, and by the time I was 30 I knew enough to not show up until the last band, the only one I wanted to see (Hurra Torpedo), went on stage. Even then, I had to have friends throw a staff pass at me, get me parking, and then get me into the press area to drink cheap whiskey with the actual staff. It takes a lot of bribing to get me to enjoy a festival.

Funny they use the term "Music Festival", by the way. A collection of 50 bands playing 20 minute sets of their most recognizable songs is about the worst way to celebrate music. I don't mean celebrate music as in "Celebrating Music", like with noodling beard-o's and their magical freak out band backing them up in a 45 minute jam session. I just gagged writing that. At my level of cynicism, mixed with musical snobbery, there isn't a musical festival that I would be caught dead at. Until now.

Here's the part where I go, "Holy shit", a whole lot, if you want to skip ahead.

HOLY SHIT!!! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!

OMG MY BLOODY VALENTINE IS BACK TOGETHER, RECORDING NEW MATERIAL, AND TOURING THE U.S.!!

Just in case you weren't me in the 90's, this is huge news. Not being old enough or living in the right place to see MBV has always been a huge regret. Hell, I would be willing to bet that my parents could hum "Only Shallow" for you, I played it so much. It's probably a nervous reaction to hearing that pap-pap-pap-pap-pap.pap.pap.pap-pap.pap.pap.pap BLOWNNOWNOWNOWNOWNAHNAH .

Anyway, here's the news. My Bloody Valentine got invited to host the new branch of the All Tomorrows Parties festival. And, thankfully, they actually accepted! As if it wasn't great enough news, they invited a couple of other amazing bands to play their best albums, in their entirety, live. ATP's been doing this for a couple years, but this time it's really special. You want to know how hot this shit is? The story even hit Reuters! Here we go!

The story, it is here.

To wrap it up nicely; here's what's being played at MY music festival.

My Bloody Valentine: Loveless

Built to Spill: Perfect From Now On

Tortoise: Millions Now Living Will Never Die

Meat Puppets: Meat Puppets II

Thurston Moore: Psychic Hearts

And just playing sets (just sets! How low class!!) are:

Shellac

Mogwai

Polvo

Fuck Buttons

Autolux

the Drones

Low

Wooden Shjips

Edan and Thee Silver Mount Zion Orchestra

Jesus, why didn't they just raise Joy Division from the dead and let them play?

It's going to be hard to make it to the New York show, but dammit, I'm trying. MBV has said they're going to play 6-8 more shows in the US, so maybe if I miss the New York show I can make it to one of those. I missed them through my teens, there's no way I'm missing them this time.

Tickets go on sale today, April 24th, at www.atpfestival.com.

-m@

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Posted by matt (Matt Armstrong) on April 25, 2008 at 8:23 a.m. (Suggest removal)

And by Friday the 24th, I meant the 25th. This is what happens when you write around midnight. That's right, I'm a time wolf.

Posted by duplenty (anonymous) on April 25, 2008 at 8:40 a.m. (Suggest removal)

OK, point taken at MBV. Seen tortoise a million times, but I'd see 'em again. But the rest of the list?

Not anything I'd personally get real excited about, but whatever floats your boat.

Fuck Buttons might be one of the lamest hype-driven bands ever.

Posted by mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) on April 25, 2008 at 9:16 a.m. (Suggest removal)

How the hell do you manage to crack me up this damned early in the morning?

Posted by dolores2175 (April Fleming) on April 25, 2008 at 9:34 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Festivals are rough. I love live music, but hours and hours of it + heat + sweat + beer + crowds = headache, empty wallet and lousy attitude. And it's too bad that Built to Spill is perhaps the dullest band to watch ever, b/c I'm really fond of their music. Mogwai, however, puts on one of the best live shows I've ever been to. I'd hope MBV would be the same.

Posted by duplenty (anonymous) on April 25, 2008 at 9:43 a.m. (Suggest removal)

One would think that MBV would best be enjoyed in a very dark environment, filled with fog machine smoke...however (getting onto old man mode here)...did anyone else see the Lollapalooza the year that Jane's Addiction headlined at Sandstone (or the Cap Fed AT&T Corporate Whorehouse, as it's now known)?

A storm was moving in, and right as JA took the stage the temp dropped from like 90+ to maybe middle 70's, and the sky was just a mural of muted and beautiful blues and purples, all to the strains of "Up the Beach". I remember lots of lightening, but the show was never postponed or stopped...it was really, really good.

Posted by mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) on April 25, 2008 at 1:10 p.m. (Suggest removal)

My husband went to that when he was in high school, and he describes the scene with awe.

Posted by OtherJoel (anonymous) on April 25, 2008 at 2:28 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Yeah, I'm definitely a show person (and even those test my patience on occasion nowadays). I would have loved to have been at the Jane's show in '92, but I also had a higher tolerance for that sort of things back then. Certainly Jane's Addiction is very much a time-and-place band for me. They don't really do much for me anymore --- but back then, I pretty much worshipped Navarro. However, once in a great while I'll still put on Ritual for nostalgia's sake.

MBV has aged much, much better, but I don't know if my love for their music would offset my hatred of big concerts. If they came to KC maybe (no chance), but that would be about it. And provided you could get tix for under $100.

Posted by OtherJoel (anonymous) on April 25, 2008 at 2:30 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Jane's CONCERT, rather.

Posted by smerdyakov (anonymous) on April 25, 2008 at 3 p.m. (Suggest removal)

If the venue is Sandstone and the like, I feel you on the festival tip. But a high point in my year is the Walnut Valley Festival. There may be 30,000+ people there—but it doesn't feel like it. It's hard to describe the allure if you've never been, but let's just say it's nothing like Horde Fest or Warp Tour or even the downtown KU champs celebration, as much fun as that was. At Winfield, everyone's obviously happy to be there with other like-minded folk, but there's zero mob mentality.

Wakarusa looks to be pretty asskickin this year. Built to Spill. Emmy Lou Harris. Grisman. Sure it's a little closer to the mob side of festivals, but come on...it's not /that/ bad.

Posted by godjilla (Jill Ensley) on April 25, 2008 at 10:53 p.m. (Suggest removal)

I like nuts.

Posted by sonicryan (anonymous) on April 27, 2008 at 5:50 p.m. (Suggest removal)

A few things about your post:

1). My Bloody Valentine are actually one of the bands just playing sets, at least that's what I'm lead to believe by looking at ATP's site. I'm assuming this is because they're planning on playing some of that new material you mentioned.

2). Music festivals are what you make of them. Price certainly helps. Say what you will about Pitchfork, but last year's Pitchfork Festival was worth the $50 alone just to see Sonic Youth perform Daydream Nation, but throw in Slint (performing Spiderland, no less), Grizzly Bear, of Montreal, Stephen Malkmus (who opened his solo set with "Heaven is a Truck" and proceeded to play more Pavement songs than solo material), Sea and Cake, Iron and Wine, Califone, and lord knows who else I'm forgetting, and you've got one helluva festival, on par with ATP NY, for fucking cheap!

3). Did you get tickets? I got one weekend pass, but without a room. I'm currently accepting donations to fund my trip. We'll see if I make it.

Posted by monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) on April 28, 2008 at 12:25 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Are you sure this is the All Tomorrow's Pussies tour?

Posted by monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) on April 28, 2008 at 3:26 p.m. (Suggest removal)

oops, my venom was undermined by my egregious typo. i meant "insn't." damn.

Posted by choffman (Chris Hoffman) on April 30, 2008 at 6:06 a.m. (Suggest removal)

not quite sure I fully understand your rant.

Why bash on Wakarusa? that place doesnt swallow you whole, it invites you to do whatever you want. Want the big concert feel? Then go to one of the THREE main stages for a headliner... want the feel of a "show"? Then hit up one of the DOZENS of smaller tents or stages to watch the lesser-known (or local) bands tear it up, only a PBR can's throw away.

Dont wanna pay expensive prices for alcohol? Get slammed at your campsite. And how can you not mention the camping? HUNDREDS of small-time musicians throwing "shows" all across Clinton Lake...each with 5-20 people merrily musicificating for ANYONE who likes what they hear...

You say "A collection of 50 bands playing 20 minute sets" yet Wakarusa's bands play from 50 minutes to nearly two hours each...I think the shortest that you will find is a 40 minute set.

...and Wakarusa is not alone in this respect, just an easy example. (the Walnut Valley Festival is an even better example for my last point..)

anyways...just offering the other side...thanks for reading.

Posted by funkdog1 (anonymous) on April 30, 2008 at 11:44 a.m. (Suggest removal)

"(people over 27 need not apply)"

That's cold, dude. Sometimes people over 27 NEED to pretend that we're not. Or we'll lose our effing minds.

Commence Total Freakout... Now

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