R. Kelly: Special Guest Commentary

By Matt Armstrong

Monday, June 16, 2008

Howdy Folks. With the recent acquittal of R. Kelly, we find ourselves at a strange mix of feelings. I for one, take the brave stance of being against peeing on teenagers. But on the other hand, my feelings for Trapped in the Closet run fast and deep ( I mean this whole heartedly, it's one of my favorite albums. Go listen to it, and experience true, total, spooling insanity.) and I want the person behind it and Real Talk free to release more magic into the world. When the case started moving through the courts, and defenses as gifted as Mr. Kelly himself began to arise, my fiance saw through all the legal talk and found what I believe is the truth. It is brilliant, clear headed analysis; something that I just wouldn't have figured out. I'm going to let her take over on this one, since she can say it better than I ever could. So, ladies and gentlemen, I give the floor to my always impressive soon-to-be wife, Ms. Chavis Lickvar. Be nice.

But first! Real Talk, for those that haven't seen it. Just so you know what we're dealing with.

"Despite a horrible legal defense and a laughable knack for getting himself photographed in compromising positions with presumably underage girls, R. Kelly was acquitted of charges that he was involved in a 27 minute sex-capade with a girl who was thought to be underage at the time of the taping. I am referring to the infamous “pee tape”, of course, that was brought to light six years ago and has been tossed around the Chicago court system ever since. Well the jury had finally had enough and after less than 24 hours of deliberations, they acquitted Mr. Kelly of the crimes for which he was accused. I, for one, am glad.

Okay to say that I’m glad R. Kelly is free to roam the streets spending his money on ridiculous things like Space Jam themed basket ball courts and log cabin facades for his basement is a bit of a stretch. The guy is creepy, there is no doubt, but as I dove a little deeper into the bowels of his childhood and the man that he is now, it became blazingly obvious that his creepiness may be a result of mental illness; maybe even mental retardation (I have no idea if this is the PC term of the hour, but that's what I'm sticking with) to be more precise. Now, I've worked with kids (not adults) with developmental problems for a long time and I did a short stint in nursing school, so I am in no way an expert at diagnosing these things, but here's what I found:

First, R. Kelly and his associates have openly talked about the fact that he is illiterate and unable to do simple math. Second, he does not practice personal hygiene. His stylists and publicists have reported that he regularly goes up to a week with out bathing, brushing his teeth or even changing his clothes. When asked about his personal “affairs” his publicist remarked that she didn't understand why the girls wanted anything to do with him because he stinks. Finally, and most tellingly, he seems to have no idea that what he is doing is wrong. During the course of the trial he was busted for having pictures of himself with a possibly under aged girl on his digital camera sitting out in his bedroom. Not to mention the fact that he gave young female fans passes so that they could attend his trial. And yes, he was sure to smile and wave at them in the court room.

Like I said, I'm not an expert but I did some Internet research (always credible, I know) and found that behaviors like I've described above are pretty strong indicators that a person is not of full mental capacity. I also found out that these symptoms can become evident during childhood as well as adulthood. Given the fact that he can't read or do simple math though I would say he probably grew up a little “delayed” and obviously pretty neglected. Now, what does this mean in regards to his inappropriate behavior with women and girls? Well, I don't know. It's not right. But neither is his head, and it can't continue to be ignored just so the people that benefit from him creating albums (oh yeah, Trapped in the Closet....if that's not pure insanity, then I don't know what is) will continue to get paid.

I would encourage you guys to read up on R. Kelly. The man is truly mystifying. Here are some of the sites I found to be the most interesting:

R. Kelly Sex Facts Checklist:

A great court transcript

ANOTHER great court transcript (well done, Slate!)

-Chavis Lickvar

Lawrence.com blogs are collections of short, frequently updated posts by members of the Lawrence community. Blog writers, and comment posters, are solely responsible for what they say. (Please take the time to read our full policy.)

If you're interested in writing a blog on lawrence.com, send us a couple of sample entries.

Comments

lawrence.com does not necessarily agree with comments posted below - responsibility lies with the relevant user alone. Read our full policy

Posted by monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) on June 17, 2008 at 10:11 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Real Talk! From Chavis! Ooooo wo wo. Real Talk!

Posted by DOTDOT (anonymous) on June 17, 2008 at 1 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Yeah, well. Mental retardation <> insanity. But what is creepy is you diving into the bowels of his childhood.

That is not right.

Posted by PatrickJoseph (Patrick Giroux) on June 17, 2008 at 1:47 p.m. (Suggest removal)

What's not right is a video commentary for "Trapped in the Closet."

Posted by monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) on June 18, 2008 at 9:52 a.m. (Suggest removal)

i just watched "real talk" for the third time, and i'd just like to thank your triflin' ass for bringing it into my life.

Posted by pistachio (anonymous) on June 18, 2008 at 3:39 p.m. (Suggest removal)

The jury... is they tweekin'???? At they very least they must be no-man-havin'-ass hoes.

Posted by matt (Matt Armstrong) on June 19, 2008 at 8:52 a.m. (Suggest removal)

It's odd, since seeing this Chavis and I will only sing-talk on the phone.

Posted by millspaz (Chris Millspaugh) on June 19, 2008 at 10:35 a.m. (Suggest removal)

"what they eat dont make us shit"
on paper its just nonsense, but when heard in song form...ahhhhhhhhhhh...pure poetry.

MILTON!

R. Kelly: Special Guest Commentary

Comments

Post a comment