Oscar Baiting 2008

By Gavon Laessig

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Punditocracy's annual Academy Awards podcast, replete with ill informed predictions and scurrilous trash talking, is ready to puncture your eardrums like a statuette rammed through the skull! Download it now and impress your friends with loud opinions!

As a special bonus, here's our patented Oscars schnockering game you can play at home that will make us sound smarter once you get really wasted:

Pre-Show

*If a host asks, “Who are you wearing?”—1 Drink

*If a celebrity answers "Your Mom!"—2 Drinks

*If Al Gore shows up in a stretch Hummer sporting a hot tub filled with strippers, his Nobel Prize and Oscar smelted into a goblet filled with Crunk Juice, and wearing a full length fur coat made of polar bear pelts—3 Drinks

*If a celebrity shows up with their parents—2 Drinks

*If a celebrity spouse is old enough to be that celebrity’s parent (e.g. Michael Douglas/Catherine Zeta Jones)—3 Drinks

*Gratuitous cleavage—2 Drinks

*Gratuitous penis (looking at you, Viggo Mortensen)—3 Drinks

*If Regis Philben accidentally calls someone "Kelly"—1 Drink

*If Regis Philben starts humping George Clooney's leg—3 Drinks

*If Billy Bush from "Access Hollywood" appears on screen—Slit your wrists

Show-show

*Every time a previous host of the Oscars appears or is mentioned—1 Drink

*If Jon Stewart is nude, either in full or partially, at any point—3 Drinks

*If a presidential candidate, past or present, appears in the show—3 Drinks

*Brittney Spears joke—1 Drink

*Lindsay Lohan joke—1 Drink

*Heath Ledger joke—5 Drinks

*President Bush joke—1 Drink

*Hillary Clinton, Barrack Obama, Mike Huckabee, or John McCain joke—1 Drink

*Gay joke—1 Drink

*Jew joke—1 Drink

*Gay jew joke—3 Drinks

*If a presenter flubs their line off of the teleprompter—2 Drinks

*If a presenter awkwardly kisses the recipient—1 Drink

*If Jon Stewart makes a cutting remark about Hollywood culture and is met with stony silence—3 Drinks

*If a recipient thanks God and/or their talent agency—1 Drink

*If a recipient is cut off by the orchestra (Hardcores keep drinking as long as the music is playing while the recipient is speaking)—1 Drink

*Every time the show ham-fistedly jumps to a shot of a minority during a minority themed moment (e.g. If Javier Bardem wins Best Supporting Actor and we’re shown a reaction shot for no particular reason of Ruby Dee)—2 Drinks

*If a recipient gives a political acceptance speech—2 Drinks

*If a recipient cries—2 Drinks

*If a loser is visibly pissed off on camera—3 Drinks

*If you know who the person is during the “Death Montage”—1 Drink

*If there's a production number involving mimes or interperative dance—Bottle of pills

*Every time there’s a shot of Jack Nicholson—2 Drinks

Any suggestions, blogosphere? Add whichever shit-facing rules you think we forgot in the comments section.

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Oscar Baiting 2008

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