Gimme Gimme This, Gimme Gimme That
Monday, May 12, 2008
You'd think that a degenerate punk rocker like myself would be thrilled to the gills about "What We Do Is Secret," a new film about the rise and disintegration of west coast noise auteuers The Germs. Under normal curcumstances, you'd probably be right-- but after seeing this clunker of a trailer, my enthusiasm has quickly waned:
First off, the film is too glossy. A movie about The Germs should be shot on ancient Super 8 stock with horribly out-of-synch sound. It's really the only way to match the band's aesthetic cinematically. Not only that, but this guy Shane West is far too pretty to stand in for Darby Crash. Observe:
VS:
From the trailer, is seems the producers have opted for touchy-feeliness over blatant nihilism, which is already going to ostracize the core audience of Darby-ites, who are a notoriously self-destructive lot. Until I actually see the film, I can't really say whether or not the story has been sanitized for the Hollywood Theaters crowd... but I'll be more than a little surprised if they actually portray him as a queer junkie with bad teeth and a fetish for rotten food.
At best, it'll be the new "Sid and Nancy." At worst, it'll be "Walk the Line" for degenerate punks. Either way, I'm looking forward to seeing more big budget rockumentaries starring Tiger Beat's hunk-of-the-moment... Dare I dream of Ryan Reynolds as GG Allin or Ashton Kutcher as El Duce? My heart is already a-flutterin'...
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Posted by Carmenilla (anonymous) on May 12, 2008 at 2:31 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Lindsey Lohan as Wendy O. Williams? How 'bout Christina Ricci as Siouxsie Sioux? Oh, the humanity!
Actually, I might pay to see Ryan Reynolds as G.G. Allin take a crack whore's turd in his mouth.
Posted by alm77 (anonymous) on May 12, 2008 at 3:53 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Rob, what was your take on 24 Hour Party People? I loved that movie, but I'm not into punk, . Maybe that would have been a better style for The Germs as well?
Posted by OtherJoel (anonymous) on May 12, 2008 at 6:22 p.m. (Suggest removal)
The guy they cast as Pat Smear kind of works.
Posted by edie_ (anonymous) on May 12, 2008 at 11:59 p.m. (Suggest removal)
The trailer appears to have some guy producing their record who isn't JOAN JETT, the actual producer of the record.
Posted by matt (Matt Armstrong) on May 13, 2008 at 12:09 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Oh no! Bijou Phillips! She's not allowed to be in good movies! Poop.
Posted by scary_manilow (anonymous) on May 13, 2008 at 3:29 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Carmenilla: Reynolds is currently scheduled to appear in Scarlett Johannsen's vagina, which I'm pretty sure is similar to taking a crack whore's turd in the mouth.
alm77:I'm thinking it should be a style more like Lovedolls Superstar, or maybe even Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains!
Otherjoel: He looks the part, but isn't nearly fey enough to be Pat Smear.
Edie: I wonder if they'll change the lyrics in "Shut Down" so that Joan's name is replaced with whatever composite character they've cast in her place?
matt: I know. I try very hard to disavow any knowledge of her existence.
Posted by monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) on May 13, 2008 at 4:03 p.m. (Suggest removal)
right on all counts, rob. looks like utter crap. that is to say, not like utter crap. i hope it's loaded with voiceovers by fred savage.
Posted by alm77 (anonymous) on May 14, 2008 at 8:30 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Oh, great. Now I've two more movies to add to my summer list.... ;) Thanks for expanding the horizons of my "culturedness"
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