Lawrence.com

I love Christmas, but boy do I hate the soundtrack. And every year it gets a little worse, as artists looking to make a quick buck take a crack at the world's most overrated musical catalog. So why do they do it? Well, most Christmas music belongs in the public domain, which means there are no songwriting royalties to pay for re-recording an already beaten-to-a-pulp tune like "Silent Night." Gee, could that have anything to do with the fact that every year the CD stores are brimming with the latest in bland holiday fare? You bet it does.

This season, superstar snowflakes like Barbra Streisand, Garth Brooks, Toni Braxton and Destiny's Child are among the hundreds of acts hawking new Christmas discs. Also joining the 2001 dash(er) for cash are a number of fallen-from-radar has-beens, including Paul Overstreet and Dave Koz, whose "Smooth Jazz Christmas" is certainly at the top of MY list. And of course, it wouldn't even begin to feel a lot like Christmas without something new from Mannheim Steamroller, which just issued the appropriately titled, "Christmas Extraordinaire." Even dead stars like John Denver and Billy Haley have new holiday product this season! Can "A Silent Night with Sid Vicious" be far away? And speaking of dead stars ...

� Taking cue from its 1981 debut, "Wild Eyed Southern Boys," 38 Special rears its heavily bearded noggin once again, and returns with "A Wild Eyed Christmas Night," which takes the art of shamelessness to previously unrealized heights. Maybe they should've called it "A Bleary Eyed Christmas Night" instead. Woozy blues and Grizzly Adams boogie don't generally spring to mind when one thinks of dashing through the snow, and 38 Special's music was already bad enough, darn it! They didn't need to go that extra Xmas mile. Sadly, they did.

� They Might Be Giants is one of those bands that people either love or hate. For many, the very thought of suffering through an entire EP of holiday fare from alt-rock's original court jesters is probably too much to bear. Though "They Might Be Giants in Holidayland," won't bring any new converts into the group's bizarro universe, those who already reside there will surely enjoy the five short tunes offered � four rare tracks and one new number. "Feast of Lights," originally released on a Hanukkah compilation, is a gorgeous little ditty that works completely on its own. The toy-piano backing track and lyrical stanzas like "We never get together at all/'Til the last day of Hanukkah/I got you a harmonica/And a bag of chocolate coins" can't help but bring a smile to even the greenest Grinch's face. Adam Sandler couldn't pull off this kind of wry subtlety if he had a thousand-year head start. "Careless Santa," from Mono Puff's 1996 CD "Unsupervised," is another standout � a gum-snappy slice of emofunk that relies more on groove than its "funny" lyrics, which are intentionally buried in the mix. Sadly the band blows it at the end with an overly quirky take on "O Tannenbaum." You knew, even on a holiday disc, that TMBG was gonna go here eventually, building little musical birdhouses in your soul like they'd been given a day pass from the asylum. Still, with five songs clocking in at less than 12 minutes, the group scores big with a less-is-more approach and a couple of tunes that would sound as great in July as they do in December.

� If you absolutely, positively insist on going the Christmas route, The Asylum St. Spankers' "A Christmas Spanking," contains a terrific live set of goodies showcasing the all-acoustic band's abilities. Even better is that the Spankers forgo the usual Xmas dreck in favor of tunes better suited to their headwagging style. Dr. Seuss' "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch," and Vince Guaraldi's "Linus and Lucy" are perfect choices: They already sound like Spankers songs. A sublime "Blue Christmas" features vocalist Christina Marrs backed only by a ukulele, while "Red Reindeer Blues" opts for a swampy take on what would otherwise be don't-go-there moment. Still, songs like "Silent Night" can't be saved by even he most impassioned and/or eccentric performance, and the Spankers' Yuletide offering doesn't have the staying power to last throughout the year. After all, it's just another Christmas album, which is inherently lame. So take that gift certificate grandma gave you and go buy yourself some good music. And if you can't find any, just wait 'til the big holiday bonanza from Aaliyah next year.