Lawrence.com

Is it just me, or do the Kansas basketball players who don't fade away to work regular jobs in Lawrence go play for the Utah Jazz?

It seems like it's been a while since the Jayhawks' season ended. After that anti-climatic loss to Illinois, the guys hung up their sneakers and focused on school. The only chance to see a Jayhawk play was narrowed down to two options: Watch the boring NBA on TNT or go to one of those barnstorming games and pay to see Luke Axtell flip up shots from half court.

Suddenly, the NBA on TNT didn't seem so bad.

It's sad that to watch a Jayhawk in the NBA postseason, the Utah Jazz and the Sacramento Kings are your only options. Well, they were the only options until the Dallas Mavericks bumped the Jazz out of the playoffs. Now all we have is Scot Pollard with the Kings.

So thank goodness for Pollard. With the Jazz gone, he's a Jayhawk fan's only hope. Plus he's much better now than when he was while at KU. In fact, he put together a decent game against the Lakers in the Western Conference semi-finals the other day, snagging rebound after rebound. But then in the fourth quarter, Shaq started treating him like he used to treat Greg Ostertag.

The main knock against Pollard is his awful hair, considered by most to be the worst in the NBA, and that means a lot in a league with Steve Nash. I might have looked dumb in last week's Mag wearing an afro wig and a big "U" painted on my chest, but at least I had the defense that I was drunk. Pollard, on the other hand, has some crazy pork chop-looking things on the side of his face, with pigtails and a ponytail. His only excuse is he's wealthy � which is a much better defense than mine, really.

Amazing what an NBA contract will do for a person.

We all knew he was a character back when he was with the Jayhawks. Now he literally is a character. And a stuffed animal. Don't believe me? Go to www.ebay.com, and you'll see that you can place bids on the Scot Pollard stuffed toy or beanie baby. The beanie baby is a better deal � it'll only run you about $10 � while the stuffed toy runs for $40. Plus, the toy bear doesn't have that crazy hair.

But maybe you can give the Pollard toy to your little daughter and have her try to improve his hair through a radical procedure of combing and coiffing.

All that Jazz

I know it'd make my boys Danny Manning, Greg Ostertag and Jacque Vaughn cringe to hear a loyal Jayhawk fan say it, but I was rooting against them in the first round. Even with the Jazz practically a retirement home for Jayhawks with game, you still can't root for Utah. What an awful fate it must be for these former Jayhawks to make it to the NBA, but then end up in Salt Lake City. Their days in Lawrence were spent enjoying a beautiful city with diverse culture. But then they end up in Utah, a place so strange that Dennis Rodman can call it "weird" and not even blink.

Sure, they're making seven figures out there and can actually afford gas, but what good does that do you in a state with only two gas stations? The state motto is "Utah: No services." But Utah does serve a purpose: It's the one state you can drive 120 miles per hour through to cut some time off a road trip to Las Vegas.

But you gotta give them some credit. After all, when I tried dating two women at once, I almost got my eyes scratched out. In Utah, a guy has two wives, they figure he must be too busy for three more.

I don't know how many wives Ostertag has by now, but he surely can afford them with the $5.2 million he pulls down a year for getting banged around by Shaq. And let's see, the most press he's gotten out there was when Shaq slapped him and knocked him to the ground in pregame a couple years ago. Way to represent, "Big O."

Don't worry, Vaughn's been studying behind the dirtiest player in the NBA, John Stockton, since he left Lawrence. You might think he'd have at least learned the ability to throw an elbow while doing a behind-the-back dribble, but the only thing Vaughn's picked up is $1.5 million to dribble the ball across half court and pass it once.

Manning? The guy makes you shake your head in disgust every time he touches the ball. No, I'm not going to complain about his game. Danny's awesome. It's just tragic that injuries have taken away his ability to jump. If his legs were even half as good as they were when he was in college, he'd be incredible. Instead, he plays the game no higher then 10 inches off the ground and he still freaks people and shoots a high percentage.

With the NBA draft nearing and Eric Chenowith and Kenny Gregory preparing for the next level, the Jazz are surely thinking they can score some more Jayhawks. But please, leave these guys alone. Draft guys from Missouri, or maybe Duke.

And to all you Jayhawks who didn't make it to the NBA and its mammoth dollars and lucrative footwear contracts, just think of the bright side: At least you didn't have to move to Utah.