Is it me or are all the good band names taken these days? In the old days, rock monikers came a dime a dozen and cool denominations like The Sex Pistols, Public Enemy, Soundgarden and 1910 Fruitgum Co. were up for grabs. Lately it's getting harder and harder to find groups without ridiculous handles or  even worse  uncreative ones. Staind, Crazy Town and The String Cheese Incident all have recording contracts at the moment, indicating the problem might be more serious than previously known.
Documenting this downhill trend are dozens of Web sites dedicated solely to the phenomenon of the badly named band. Impersonating Ketchup, Avocado Riot, Torture Dog, Furry Uncle and Baroque Pickle are just a few of the awful names floating around cyberspace. While these sites have drawn attention to the problem, few solutions appear to exist. Perhaps there should be a set of guidelines available for musicians looking for something different to christen their bands. Suggestions? I have a few:
1. No letter/number combinations. U2 godfathered this annoying trend years ago, which continues unabated today. I can't count the number of times I've seen this one violated. Additional penalties for using number-only monikers like 311 or spelling out an integer ala Matchbox Twenty.
 Known offenders: 2 Live Crew, 3 Doors Down, 4 Non Blondes, 5ive, Sixpence None the Richer, Seven Mary Three, Eightball and Mjg, Nine Inch Nails, 10cc, D12, E-40, Old 97's, 98 Degrees, 112, Blink 182, MU330, BR5-49.
2. No deliberate misspellings. Its Ludacris to think that musicians are Ginuwine scholars but you'd think they could Xzibit enough brain power to pick up a dictionary before Phishing for that perfect name.
 Known offenders: Linkin Park, Ruff Ryders, Unkle Kracker, Black Crowes.
3. No one-syllable, one-word names. All the good ones  Fear, Crass, Blur have been taken, so spare your fans and keep those monosyllabic flashes of brilliance in the garage where they belong.
 Known offenders: Creed, Korn, Wings, Low, Hum, Fuel.
4. No long names. Don't get too carried away with rule No. 3. Â there's nothing worse than a band whose name won't fit on the marquee.
 Known offenders: Queens of the Stone Age, Godspeed You Black Emperor, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies, The Dukes of Stratosphere, Les Claypool's Flying Frog Brigade.
5. No deceptive names. Music fans appreciate honesty, so don't try to fool your audience into thinking your band is something it's not. For example, avoid calling your group Backstreet Boys if you are not actually from the back streets.
 Known offenders: Barenaked Ladies (no ladies, naked or otherwise, in band), 10,000 Maniacs (only FIVE members in a very placid group).
6. No use of a proper name unless your group happens to be called Dave Matthews Band. Severe penalty for replacing "band" with the more pretentious "project."
 Known offenders: Josh Dodes Band, Tony Furtado Band, The Tony Rich Project, Alan Parsons Project.
7. No Brothers in name. Everybody and their brother has used this one before: Dust Brothers, Jungle Brothers, Chemical Brothers, Doobie Brothers, Blues Brothers, The Brothers Johnson, The Righteous Brothers, Allman Brothers and The Everly Brothers are just a few of the fraternally named acts available in record stores right now. Please don't join the family.
 Known offenders: See above.
8. No Boys in name. Eventually, all boys become men, grow older and rue the day they allowed youthful optimism to overshadow common sense.
 Known offenders: Beastie Boys, Hot Boys, Vengaboys, Beach Boys, Bullet Boys, Fat Boys, Jetboy.
9. No acronyms. You might as well call your band W.C.C.U.W.A.B. Â We Couldn't Come Up With Anything Better. Bonus points awarded for not using periods after each letter.
 Known offenders: R.E.M., N.W.A., W.A.S.P., M.A.R.Z., TLC, AFI, ICP, UGK.
10. No misuse of the letter N. This character looms large in the lexicon of band monikers, and N should be avoided at all costs.
 Known offenders: Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, 'N Sync, Salt 'N Pepa, Guns N' Roses, Kid 'N Play.
11. No food. Hungry for the perfect name? Then skip sidling up to the band name buffet like so many have before.
l Known offenders: Jimmie's Chicken Shack, Pearl Jam, Blind Melon, Smashing Pumpkins, Buckcherry, Bread, Black-Eyed Peas, Cake, Soup Dragons.
12. No names that hit a little too close to the bone. While you certainly want a title that describes the group's sound, don't get overly descriptive.
 Known offenders: Garbage, Limp Bizkit.
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