Lawrence.com

BLEEDING KANSAS REPUBLICANS-President Bush was in Topeka on Sunday for a political rally, attempting to boost U.S. Rep. Jim Ryun's surprisingly close campaign against Democrat Nancy Boyda. Washburn University political science professor Bob Beatty said Bush's visit to Kansas, a traditional Republican stronghold, is indicative of GOP weakness. "This is going to be a bad election for Republicans, it's just a question of how bad," Beatty said. "It's almost shocking that Ryun's seat is in play because two years ago he handily defeated" Boyda. *:Ryun denied he was nervous about retaining his seat, saying that Bush's Sunday night visit was just part of a previously scheduled "Desperate Housewives" party.

HERE'S HOPING HIS 72 VIRGINS IN PARADISE HAVE THE CLAP-An Iraqi court on Sunday convicted Saddam Hussein of ordering the torture and murder of nearly 150 Shiites from the city of Dujail in 1982 and sentenced him to death by hanging. If the verdict and sentence are upheld by an appeals court, the execution will be carried out within 30 days. Shiite Muslims in Baghdad rejoiced at the news, but Saddam's fellow Sunni Muslims paraded in protest and promised retaliatory violence. A round-the-clock curfew imposed ahead of the verdict kept a relative peace in Baghdad, although police reported 72 people were killed or found dead on Sunday. Critics of the court's timing argue that the end to the nine-month trial was coordinated to produce positive news for the unpopular war two days before American elections, which White House Press Secretary Tony Snow called "crazy." *:Snow also said it will merely be a coincidence when, on election day, President Bush wears Saddam's severed head as a cod-piece while standing in front of a banner reading "Mission Accomplished II: Accomplish Harder."

A PRIEST, A RABBI, AND JOHN KERRY WALK INTO A BAR-Democratic Senator John Kerry issued a formal apology for what he called "a botched joke" that Republicans criticized as an attack on the intelligence of US troops. During a speech last week, Kerry quipped that if "you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq." The uproar from his gaffe forced Kerry-who is not up for reelection Tuesday-to cancel three appearances and remain silent for the rest of the election cycle. The Vietnam veteran and former presidential candidate said he intended the remark as a joke about President Bush's lack of research. Nevertheless, the comment could prove to be a decisive setback in Democrats' attempt to win control of Congress, a prospect that polls showed was likely before Kerry's blunder. *:Kerry did himself no favors when, during his formal apology, he launched into an impromptu, particularly filthy version of "The Aristocrats" that lasted nearly two hours.

ACTUAL GOOGLE BOMB-Democratic senators demanded that the Bush administration explain its decision to post documents from Saddam Hussein's pre-Gulf War nuclear program on the internet. Intelligence officials last week informed the administration that it might have inadvertently publicized how-to manuals for making nuclear weapons. Critics believe that conservative politicians and publications pressured the administration into posting the information, hoping analysis of the 48,000 boxes of documents seized in the Iraq invasion would reinvigorate the search for proof that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. Intelligence officials had objected at the time, but were overruled by President Bush. The website was shut down last week after having been up since March. *:Since the revelation that our government has potentially leaked nuclear secrets to terrorists, the Bush administration announced plans to invade itself.

THE O'KLINEY FACTOR-Wichita abortion doctor George Tiller plans to ask for an investigation of Kansas attorney general Phill Kline and Bill O'Reilly over comments by the Fox television host based on information from private medical records. During Friday's "O'Reilly Factor," on which Phill Kline was a guest, the conservative host said a "source inside" who had seen the records said that Tiller performs late-term abortions when a patient is depressed. Tiller said he will ask the Kansas Supreme Court to appoint a special prosecutor to investigate the matter and to reclaim possession of the records of 90 patients, which Kline obtained after a two-year legal battle with Tiller and another clinic. Kline's office says that they don't know how O'Reilly got his information about the records. *:O'Reilly believes he has every right to see the files as he is a medical practitioner, claiming to be a licensed "Falafelologist."

OF METH AND MAN-WHORES-Ted Haggard, founder and pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs, was fired from the chruch last week for "sexually immoral conduct." The church's board verified claims by a male prostitute who said Haggard paid him for sex and took methamphetamines over a three-year period. Haggard was also president of the National Association of Evangelicals, representing over 30 million people, and was at times a consultant to the White House. Mike Jones, a bodybuilder and male escort, said he came forward after realizing Haggard was an influential pastor and vocal activist who supported outlawing gay marriage. *:Haggard willingly stepped down after it dawned on him that even a prostitute thought he was an amoral hypocrite.

PIG-SKINNING ABROAD-The KU football team finally broke a seven road game losing streak, defeating Iowa State 41-10 in Ames on Saturday. Not only was the victory a morale booster for the Jayhawks, but it keeps their playoff hopes alive. Kansas has won two straight and will be bowl-eligible if it beats either Kansas State or Missouri in the coming weeks. *:Coach Mangino attributed the change in luck to QB Kerry Meier's mended shoulder, fewer turnovers, and more ritualistic animal sacrifice.