Lawrence.com

ASSES KICK NAMESAKE -Democrats won control of the House of Representatives and the Senate in last week's midterm elections, taking majority status away from Republicans for the first time in 12 years. Corruption and the Iraq war were central issues across the country as Democrats picked up six seats in the Senate and 33 seats in the House. San Francisco Rep. Nancy Pelosi is now in line to be the first female speaker of the House. Democrats also now control a majority of governorships and state legislatures. President Bush, at a press conference Wednesday morning, described the electoral results for Republicans as a "thumpin'." *:When Bush was asked if he was angry at Karl Rove, his chief political strategist who had been insisting to both the president and the media that Republicans would retain their majorities, Bush would only say that Rove had gone hunting with Vice President Cheney.

HE WANTS TO SPEND MORE TIME IN A NAKED PYRAMID WITH HIS FAMILY-The day after the election route of Republicans, President Bush accepted the resignation of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld Wednesday afternoon. Bush had defended Rumsfeld just days earlier, saying he would keep the secretary in his post for the remainder of the Bush presidency. Bush acknowledged he had intentionally misled reporters so as not to politicize Rumsfeld's departure just before the election. Many Republican leaders are upset by Bush's timing, believing that removing the controversial Secretary of Defense before the elections would have actually helped the Republican Party on the issue of Iraq. Bush is nominating former CIA chief and current Texas A&M University president Robert Gates to replace Rumsfeld. Gates served under Bush's father and has in the past been critical of the administration's handling of the Iraq war. *:Rumsfeld predicted that the damage done to his reputation by the Iraq fiasco would last no more than six months and that international war-crimes courts would greet him as a liberator.

J. GILES BANNED-Reserve junior center C.J. Giles was permanently dismissed from the KU basketball team Tuesday, less than a week after being reinstated to the team from a previous disciplinary suspension. Giles was cited by KU police for battering a female student Monday night. According to the police report, the 20-year-old woman said Giles became angry when she wouldn't leave his apartment, grabbed her by the ankles, then dragged her off his bed and onto the floor. She told police he continued to drag her into the hallway and as she tried to get away he "struck her." Giles also is due in court Jan. 8 for failure to pay child support to the mother of his son. In other sports news, KU pole vaulter John K. McDonald has been arrested for aggravated battery in connection with a beating last week that sent one of his teammates to the hospital. *...Also taking into consideration that the entire women's softball team is under indictment for public indecency and the rowing team has been arrested for mutilating livestock, the KU Athletics Department has been shut down pending further court notice.

THROW THE BUMS OUT (NON-ELECTION EDITION)-The same national organization that ranked Lawrence as the second meanest city to the homeless in the U.S. is now criticizing the City Commission for considering moving the homeless shelter out of downtown. "It needs to be in or near the downtown area," said Michael Stoops, acting national director of the Coalition on Homelessness. "Moving out to residential areas is fraught with problems. Even moving out to industrial areas is a problem because you get resistance from businesses." Stoops and other critics believe that city commissioners are caving in to affluent interests in the community who want to "criminalize" homelessness. *:Lawrence city commissioners argued that relocating the shelter away from downtown would prevent businesses from leaving, but conceded that forcing the homeless to wear Invisible Fence shock-collars might be a tad excessive.

CAN'T FIND A FEDER-MAN-Britney Spears filed for divorce from Kevin Federline last week, citing "irreconcilable differences." The couple had been married for two years and had two children together. A video of Federline apparently getting a text message informing him that the pop diva had just filed the divorce papers became the most viewed item on YouTube Thursday, with more than 1 million hits. The video shows Federline taping a reality television show in Canada and talking about Spears being his biggest supporter. He then receives a text-message, puts his head in his hands, rips off his microphone and disappears, returning 30 minutes later visibly upset. *:Federline was most upset when he found out that the air-tight prenuptial agreement he signed gave Spears sole custody of his 15 minutes.

"T" BAGGED-In an effort to boost efficiency in the Lawrence Transit System, city commissioners voted unanimously to end the wave-down policy where riders can wave a bus down at any point along its route. Starting next year, passengers will have to catch the bus at designated T stops (with exceptions being made for the disabled). *:Other means of stopping the bus ruled out by commissioners: Spike strips, skirt lifting, semi-automatic rifles and baby tossing.