Lawrence.com

BIG BROTHER HARSHES BUZZ - Organizers of the Wakarusa Music Festival admitted that the Clinton State Park grounds were being monitored by secret, high-tech surveillance cameras during the event. One camera, for example, was mounted atop a light tower and used on "Shakedown Street," a bustling area viewed as a problem spot for drug dealing. The surveillance was done without the knowledge of festival attendees and the full scope of the program is still unknown. The organizers' response followed a story by the Lawrence Journal-World last week that revealed a private firm owned by defense contractor Allied Defense Group lent the cameras to park officials. The firm specializes in making thermal, infrared and hidden cameras disguised as electrical boxes and birdhouses *...Festival goers should have been tipped off when, before leaving the porta-potty, a disembodied voice coming from the toilet paper informed them that their "barn doors" were open.

TRIMSPA NOT RULED OUT - Anna Nicole Smith's 20-year-old son, Daniel, died under "suspicious" circumstances in his mother's Bahamian hospital room three days after she gave birth to a baby girl. The media-shy Daniel had been featured in the former Playmate's reality TV show, where he stood by her through Supreme Court lawsuits and allegations of substance abuse. *...While the Nassau coroner is still waiting for toxicology results, he said that Daniel did exhibit symptoms of having unusually high levels of embarrassment in his blood stream.

PRAISE THE LORD AND PASS THE (POLITICAL) AMMO - A memo written by Kansas Atty. Gen. Phill Kline, in which he details an aggressive strategy of raising money through church appearances and courting influential religious leaders for political support, was anonymously leaked to the press last week. The memo gives ammunition to Kline critics who have frequently charged him with blurring the line between church and state. *...Doing little to quell these allegations is a follow up memo from Kline that diagrams the most efficient method of jumping little old ladies in church parking lots, turning them upside down, and shaking all of their loose change out.

TRAUMAHAWK CHOP - Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Trent Green suffered a devastating blow to the head in the Chief's season opener, calling into question his status for the remainder of the season. *...Doctors on the scene were relieved that Green showed no signs of altered behavior when he regained consciousness, exhibiting slurred speech with excessive drooling and impaired motor functions.

COLIN BLOW-OFF - President Bush suffered a setback in his efforts to legalize the more controversial aspects of his administration's so-called "war on terror," including a measure to roll back provisions of the Geneva Conventions - which protect the basic human rights of detainees - when members of his own party broke ranks. A handful of prominent Republicans, including John McCain and Colin Powell, derailed the legislation that would have shielded the administration's methods from future scrutiny and lawsuits. Powell went so far as to publicly say that the proposed changes would cause the world to "doubt the moral basis of our war on terror" and "put our own troops at risk." *...Bush was most upset, however, by the defeat of a constitutional amendment that would have forgiven all of his Blockbuster late-fees.

IT WORKED SO WELL FOR CHINA - The U.S. House of Representatives passed legislation calling for the erection of a 700-mile fence along the U.S./Mexico border. Easily passing with bipartisan support and with an estimated cost of $7 billion, proponents describe the bill as crucial to homeland security. Passage in the Senate is still uncertain, where critics call it a financial boondoggle and election-year fear mongering. *...Critics have thus far failed to acknowledge the bill's unprecedented ideological consistency, ignoring the provision stipulating that the fence shall be built and paid for by fat, rich white-guys.

CLINICALLY DIAGNOSED WITH PAC-MAN FEVER - The 25-year-old Canadian man who went on a shooting spree in a Montreal college - wounding 20 people and killing one before turning the gun on himself - had an extensive blog that police think may provide clues as to his motives. Kimveer Gill went by "Fatality666" on community website vampirefreaks.com, where he posted pictures of himself brandishing guns and knives and repeatedly stating his hatred of most people and a desire to go "postal." His admiration of a video game simulation of the Columbine massacre called Super Columbine RPG is seen by some media critics as contributing to his homicidal behavior. *...The same critics point to the infamous "Dig Dug" killer, who used a bicycle pump to viciously inflate his victims to the point of bursting.

WE WEE FOR WII - Video-game giant Nintendo last week announced the official North American price and release date of its next console, the Wii (pronounced "we"). Available Nov. 19 and selling for $249.99, the Wii will cost less than half of Sony's upcoming Playstation 3 and feature a unique interface involving a wireless, motion sensing remote that translates body movement into game play. *...Rejoicing by fan boys all over the nation slowly morphed into horror upon realizing that they'd actually be required to move.