TOWNIE GUIDE TO: Being a Jayhawk fan

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Photo by Gavon Laessig

TOWNIE GUIDE TO: Being a Jayhawk fan

Daniel Simmons, 29, painter, pursuer of music and hallucinogens

Years in Lawrence : "90 percent of my life."

Are you a Jayhawk fan or are you a sniper-in-the-Campanile-if-KU -loses-a-post-season-game Jayhawk fan?

"You'll be disappointed, but just a Jayhawk fan."

Why are you a Jayhawk fan? Is it breeding?

"Do you know the origin of the word 'Jayhawk,' coming from 'Jayhawker' during the civil war? That's why. There was much blood spilled right underneath our feet. They thought it was ok to own humans, we didn't. That's why I'm a Jayhawk."

Are you a Jayhawk solely to spite Missouri, or the South in general?

"If Missouri was actually below the Mason/Dixon line, then it would be against the South by association. Especially since they're above the Mason/Dixon line, what's their excuse? F*ck you, Missouri."

Is there an internal conflict between being a townie and being a Jayhawk fan?

"No. I occasionally question why I'm so wrapped up in it, but then I decide not to question it. It creates a whole series of paradoxes in my head, which confuses me, and then I drink more. That's why I only watch games at places like Louise's."

So you prefer going out to watch a game as opposed to staying at home?

"I enjoy it either way, but I guess it is more fun to be inspired by people who are riled up. The thirst for blood and victory is all that you really need. It's fun. I like going to Louise's, but I also like the Jackpot. At Louise's you get all kinds of Jayhawk fans, but at the Jackpot you get the real esoteric, weird ones. The hipster, townie Jayhawk fans."

Any rituals for games-other than getting hammered?

"Not really. Keith Langford used to change his shoes at half-time, I might try that. Actually, we like to sacrifice things. Anything, really, so long as there's blood."

Do you give a flying rat's ass about KU football?

"I don't have a flying rat's ass to give. I'm all out of them. Football can't compete. There's so much history with KU basketball in this town. The inventor coached basketball here. He's buried over there in Oak Hill Cemetery."

Should fans of visiting teams be barred from entering Lawrence? Specifically, should an immigration fence be built separating Kansas from Nebraska?

"As long as they're not assholes, I don't care. I don't go out with a mentality of looking for a fight, but it's there. Some people go to a sporting event and that becomes who they are. It's fun to talk shit, but once it gets to that level it's stupid."

If it would magically guarantee a championship win, would you douse yourself with kerosene and set yourself on fire?

(pauses) "Yes. It would bring a lot of joy to a lot of people."

Would you set someone else on fire for a championship?

"Oh, absolutely."

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