Residents and patrons of "The Tank" include Fawn Carroll (far left), Outlaw Jake (center) and Justin "The Vag" Macintyre (far right).
Monday, July 2, 2007
On a rickety patio strewn with empty kegs and sporting more scorch marks and bullet holes than a Baghdad market, a man known as The Vag marvels at the isolation of this backwoods compound he calls home.
"You've apparently got to fire a lot of guns to get the cops out here," says The Vag (a.k.a. Justin Macintyre) of the lakeside acreage on the fringes of west Lawrence.
Failing to attract the attention of authorities certainly isn't from a lack of trying. "Guns and fireworks are everyday:it's pretty consistent," says Outlaw Jake, resident and Lawrence singer-songwriter. The otherwise secluded three acres sit on the banks of Lake Alvamar, just off gravel-covered Yankee Tank Road. Those who hole up in this well armed hideaway simply call it "The Tank."
"The Tank is as American as it gets," says Outlaw in anticipation of this year's Independence Day. "If you love America, blow up a small piece of it. There's going to be some shit going down, even if I have to light another car on fire."
"Goddamn straight," agrees Fawn Carroll, the lone female of the group, adding, "Wooooooo!"
While plans are afoot for further demolition in honor of our nation's birth, settling on a suitably awe-inspiring target remains a vexing decision. "Probably the neighbor's house," muses Jake. Suggests Zach, "Let's blow up the port-a-john!"
Lest you think that on July 5th-"National Hangover Day" as Zach describes it-The Tank will cease recognizing everything that is great about our nation, The Vag assures that binge drinking and explosions will continue in the name of Old Glory. "We don't limit it to one day," he says. "It's a continual celebration."
Part recording studio, part bachelor pad, all hedonistic retreat, The Tank serves as asylum for fun-loving scoundrels. Rhetorically opines Outlaw: "If I can't piss outside, drink beer naked on the fuckin' lake, shoot guns and blow shit up, then what the hell am I here for?" Two gentlemen relieving themselves on the side of the driveway punctuate the sentiment.
"We're pissing against oppression," says The Vag.
"Because if we don't piss outside, the terrorists win," says Zach Barnett. He says he never misses an opportunity to exercise his God-given liberties-and exercise his itchy trigger finger-with his flat-mates. "We have a firing line every KU game," he matter-of-factly notes. (Cracks The Vag: "Every time there's a loss we fire at each other.")
When not recording Outlaw Jake's band "The Chain Gang" in the dilapidated garage that serves as a musty studio/flop-house, The Tank has laid down tracks for Lawrence artists ranging from The Pomonas to Henry Winkler and The Magic Moustache Rides ("The most epic artists I've ever recorded," gushes Jake). A forthcoming rock odyssey starring Michael McDonald and Axl Rose is also being crafted by the musical brain-trust of The Tank.
This circle of like-minded honky-rockers often utilize the weed-infested, garbage-strewn tennis court on the property as a make shift stage for their frequent Bacchanalias. "There was Tankarusa, Tankapalooza, Tankstock," ticks off The Vag, but those are just the formal invite barnburners. "People just coming out here to drink? Once a day."
It's during these nightly, chemical fueled communes with nature that things tend to catch on fire. The most recent recipient of a gasoline-soaked Viking funeral was a broke down Ford LTD bought for $50, affectionately referred to as "The Shaggin' Wagon." As could probably be expected, these pyrotechnic displays are ratcheted up in the name of good ol' fashioned patriotism when the Fourth of July rolls around.
Past Event
Party 4 Freedom with Outlaw Jake
- Wednesday, July 4, 2007, 7 p.m.
- (One-off place), Lawrence
- Not available / Free
While rapt in discussion on the salient points of igniting chemical toilets in order that we might better appreciate the basic precepts of Jeffersonian democracy, the moment is shattered when an explosion unexpectedly erupts. Zach has pulled out a .44 magnum Ruger hand cannon with a 9 and a half inch barrel and is firing it into the woods. After he's finished, pistol still smoking, he explains why he felt the urge to unload such massive firepower at that very moment.
"Just 'cause," he explains. "Mainly just 'cause."
Comments
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Keith (anonymous) says…
God bless America and these responsible gun owning 'Mericans.
scary_manilow (anonymous) says…
Next week: Obnoxious "musician" Outlaw Jake being treated for severe injuries after suffering an "accidental" shotgun blast to the face. You heard it here first on Lawrence.com!
OtherJoel (anonymous) says…
It must be a slow day when Kansans getting drunk and blowing up shit qualifies as news.
Dominic_Sova (anonymous) says…
wow, just, WOW
marktrail (anonymous) says…
ha ha, how hilarious
except not really
synapsis (anonymous) says…
Well I'm sold. To hell with friends and family this 4th of July, home-cookin' and store-bought fireworks can't hold a candle next to PBR, small arms fire and exploding porta-johns -- the ultimate in chemical warfare.
Wear your blaze orange and bring a lawyer. And bonus points if you can bring an EMT or ER doc with plenty of GSW experience.
feeble (anonymous) says…
Huh, a google search for the address listed on the event turns up:
http://realestate.yahoo.com/Kansas/La...
and
http://roblang.point2agent.com/Listin...
Now,it may be that the property is no longer on the market, but if it is, this kind of press isn't going to do much for prospective buyers.
chaungoloid (anonymous) says…
great story lawrence dot com, you really are giving the right people exposure. these fuckers actually fired at a boat that was fishing on lake alvamar. the neighbors boat. when confronted, they claimed that they were "warning shots" for people "messing with their boat", which turns out is a broken down pontoon, not worth a penny, and not ever touched. and for fun they leave port-a-pottys stolen from construction sites in the neighbors driveway to leak toxic slime all over and street signs stolen from the city all around.
whooo hooo indeed.
bravo lawrence dot com, you have made an ass of yourself once again and put your journalistic integrity to shame.
cheers
chaungoloid
cog_nate (Nate Poell) says…
That is 100% home-grown, red-blooded, corn-fed American stupidity.
Mkh (anonymous) says…
I'm not sure who is a bigger bunch of idiots...these kids or lawrence.com for glorifying them.
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
Part of me wishes I were ten years younger, so that this sounded more like fun and less like a Dateline special waiting to happen.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of booze, and of blowing shit up with guns and explosives. It's just that my Daddy taught me better than to mix the two. Unless it's 3.2, because that's just piss-water, and besides, you need new cans to shoot at sometimes.
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
On a related note, you can get your free gun locks from the nice folks at Pediatric Assoicates. Yay, I don't have to keep the .38 Special locked in the trunk anymore!!
chaungoloid (anonymous) says…
boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
cousin_it (anonymous) says…
Hell yeah, my kind of guys. Big booms and bigger booms booze and music. Be carefull guys, I've spent more than one evening in the ER after using faulty fuses.
gabe79 (anonymous) says…
word changoloid. that was so cool being shot at while fishing on my own lake.and the funny thing is when we confronted them about it they didn't seem to think it was a big deal.."it was just bird shot." they said. why the hell is lawrence .com glorifying these idiots? that trash pile they have created in the woods is so american. check it out.
outlaw (anonymous) says…
Sorry to the rest of you who didn't get a story on lawrence.com I gusse these red neck idiots were more entertaing then you'r friends Emo band! But really I'd like to thank all of you for reading this story and you all might not like but you've herd me and who's herd of you.
chaungoloid (anonymous) says…
point taken
millspaz (Chris Millspaugh) says…
did somebody say "herd"?
"well ya cant roller skate in a buffalo herd, ya cant roller skate in a buffalo herd..."
gabe79 (anonymous) says…
it just seems a little off to me... if y'all want to keep up your anonymity and continue to shoot guns and blow other shit up without the "authorities" knowing about it, then maybe you shouldn't have an article written and published about how awesome and backwoods you are. werd.
KuWanderer (anonymous) says…
You didn't want at port-a-potty spilled in your driveway? You would have to be pretty stupid to try to steal their boat.
I would love to read more stories about hicks picking on frat boys.
What would it take for me to meet Henry Winkler?
gabe79 (anonymous) says…
who tried to steal their boat? and who are these "frat boys?"
AB17 (anonymous) says…
you know i know those guys pretty well, they're 4 of the coolest, nicest guys in town, i don't know if you've ever heard of journalistic exaggeration, but they're just a bunch of good ole boys that have a little fun every now and again
kawryan (anonymous) says…
Posers!
Who the hell owns a single shot New England Firearms Pardner 12 gauge? Or did they just go to walmart to pick that up for the photo shoot?
Actually, this could be the next generation of county commissioners
revshackleford (anonymous) says…
Yeah, what in the cornbread hell was the point of this story (a superlame exercise in "gonzo" journalism?)? Newsflash: this part of the country is full of rednecks with guns; we'll tell you who they are at 10:00.
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
Wow, I have to hand it to you, Gavon---I don't think I've ever seen a feature story get this many comments.
gavon (Gavon Laessig) says…
Many thanks, Misty. I'm supremely flattered that so many people took the time to write...even if most of those comments are the verbal equivalent of a hot poker up my ass.
theemotleycrude (anonymous) says…
The Vag(ina)?
gavon (Gavon Laessig) says…
Yes, The Vag(ina).
KuWanderer (anonymous) says…
You can also call him Vagintyr, McIntyrPenis, or McInFaggot. He loves all his pet names I call him.
cousin_it (anonymous) says…
gabe 79, since when is it illegal to blow crap up?
giantloser (anonymous) says…
we should arm the skateboarders and artists of east yankee tank. arm them to the teeth! just let all those fags out there shoot it out for the rights to the land, the rented land that is. its working out so well in the rest of the world, why not. luckily due to their own stupidity in releasing this article, attention has been brought to their hillbilly bullshit and probably wont live there much longer anyway. brilliant! good luck booking that shitty band of yours and fuck off!
KuWanderer (anonymous) says…
by skateboarders and artists do you mean frat fags?
gabe79 (anonymous) says…
i don't have problems with guns, or blowing shit up. it's fun.
i do have a problem with people who own guns and use them irresponsibly. (and glorify their behavior)
this place is not as remote as some might think. there are neighbors in all directions. bullets travel fast and far. all i ask is that our neighbors have a little respect for their neighbors. call me whatever you want, i don't give a shit. peace.-gabe
Tank (anonymous) says…
You are right, respect. So stop talking shit and come talk to us face to face. If you really felt your life was threatend you should have called the police. We are tired of lies and bullshit on the internet. If you have something to say you can come and address it to us in a civilized and adult manor. We are not that hard to talk to or find, since after all, we are your neighbors.
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