Tuesday, May 22, 2007
QuickView
Good: More pool games than I knew existed, unlockable pseudo-porn
Bad: Not very fun, unintuitive controls, lousy ball physics, unlockable pseudo-porn just isn't worth it
Whoops: They misspelled 'practice' in the main menu. Yes, 'practice'.
It's too bad for games like Pocket Pool that websites like Google exist. A simple one-second search at Google pretty much eliminates any incentive to bother playing through Pocket Pool's various modes to unlock galleries of scantly clad women in pseudo-porn poses. This is very unfortunate, considering that was about the only thing the game had going for it.
Pocket Pool tries to bring the popular tabletop sport to the world of handhelds, and the results are fairly dismal. The game lacks any kind of real polish or depth, and even the most die-hard fans of the real game will tire of this very quickly.
Perhaps the game's sole strongpoint lies in the sheer number of pool variations it offers. The game has no shortage of modes, offering everything from practice (or 'pratice' as the game's main menu so lovingly has it misspelled) to classic 8 ball to blackjack to full snooker to all sorts of other modes I had never even heard of. There are definitely a lot of different modes to keep you busy if you can look past the game's other shortcomings.
Unfortunately, most of those shortcomings are pretty hard to overlook, and the bottom line is the game just isn't all that fun to play. For one, the control scheme feels clunky, counter-intuitive, sluggish, and just plain boring. Lining up your shot is a headache of moving the camera around so that you can actually see the table, rotating your player, picking where on the ball you want to hit, picking how hard you want to hit, picking the exact angle at which you want to hit it, and then finally hitting it. Unfortunately, actually hitting the ball simply consists of hitting the O button and right on the directional pad after you've spent forever lining it up. There's no real interaction in the hitting process, essentially eliminating the one fun aspect of pool.
Making matters worse are the fundamental problems with the game's physics engine and AI. The balls never seem to bounce the direction they should, making putting the ball in the pocket more a matter of luck than skill. This is only worsened by a very bizarre computer AI that seems to suck when you're sucking, and then suddenly doing really well when you are. These two factors eliminate any real sense of challenge in the single-player game and simply turn matches into a bewildering game of luck.
In terms of replay, the game offers a little incentive to keep coming back, but that's only if you can get past how bad the game actually is. The game offers a moderately sized gallery of unlockable stills and videos of models in various states of undress. Unfortunately, these unlockables are about as hot as giving your dog a cold bath. If you want pseudo-porn, just hop on the internet. I guarantee you will find something better in about five seconds. In addition to the crappy porn, the game also includes the option to play against friends on a wifi connection. If you have friends that actually want to take advantage of this feature, you probably shouldn't be friends with them.
The graphics and sound are also pretty dismal. The tables and poolrooms are fairly bland, and the balls and sticks don't look particularly impressive. Sound is even more grating. Each character uses the same three or four lines of dialogue over and over every match. The music is also pretty bad. Chances are, you'll want to put your PSP on mute while playing.
Overall, there's just not much to love about Pocket Pool. Even the porn sucks. Now how often can you say that about a game?
Graphics: 5.5
Sound: 4.0
First Play: 4.5
Replay Value: 4.0
Gameplay: 4.0
Overall: 4.3
lawrence.comrade
