Lawrence.com

Townie guide to... KU football

Jed "Toast" Baughman, architectural something or another, disc golf obsessive, KU disciple, enjoys "bustin' up punks like Gavon"

Years in Lawrence: 23

Considering the unprecedented success of KU football this season, what's the best way to piece together the incredulous shards of your blown mind?

"I find that a glass of whiskey and a good night's sleep helps. As this season goes on, you might need more than a glass so keep that liquor cabinet fully stocked."

As a long-suffering KU football fan, do you feel liberated by their triumph this season? Do you feel you can now step out of the Crimson & Blue closet, unashamed and fabulous?

"I was never in any closet, except when I passed out in one at a party, but that's a totally unrelated story. I definitely feel liberated, but more than anything I feel a sense of justice. After years of being so god-awful-like the entire '80s and late '90s-to being competitive with the powerhouses in the past few years, to now beating those powerhouses, this success simply feels right, like it should be happening. I feel like we've arrived and it's only going to get better. With each passing week and KU victory- along with the consistent climb in the rankings-I can't help but try to picture what this season might look like when it's over, and that blows my freaking mind. I try not to think about it too often, because that's when I start drinking and pissing my friends off because I won't shut up about it."

What's been the key to KU's ascension this season? The coaching? A deep bench? A favorable schedule? Gamma radiation? It's gamma radiation, isn't it?

"Manbearpig. Half man, half bear, half pig. Seriously, it's the coaching. What's funny is that Mangino was allegedly on the hot seat, and now he looks like a genius who may end up a living legend in this town. He's got this entire team looking like a bunch of leaders. Not just playmakers, but leaders. That makes winning look a lot easier than it is."

When gambling on KU football, should fans still exhibit some caution or just ride the wave and bet their children's college savings?

"I can't gamble on anything KU, and I probably won't ever do it. There was the exception of a few years ago when a friend, who was clearly under the influence, wanted to bet me that Texas Tech would beat KU at the Phog in basketball-would you turn down an offer of $20 for doing nothing? However, the word on the street is that these guys are 7-0 against the spread this year, which is insanely good for Vegas. Most betting folks in Vegas appear to have been betting against them all year. Keep up the good advice, Lee Corso, you might just lose your freaking house!"

Where's the best place to get drunk during games? Any rituals that you undertake while watching games to help KU win?

"Where? It really doesn't matter where you do it, as long as you do it right. The 'right' way to do it is to drink SoCo shots. No lime, no lime juice, don't chill the damn thing-and don't go crying about it when I hand you an unchilled shot, Mattoast-just plain SoCo. You do a little rock chalk chant, execute a spin move, clink the glasses, and down it. Do this prior to opening kickoff and again prior to the second half kickoff. If you have to suffer through an overtime, you might want to pour another one too. Just make sure that you either have an RSG-Really Sober Guy/Girl-or a safe place to crash."

Coach Mangino fat jokes: terms of endearment or tasteless pot-shots by unimaginative lawrence.com writers? Also, if an enraged Mangino is charging you, is it best to curl into the fetal position and hope that he eventually loses interest, or enlist a rodeo clown to distract him?

"Definitely terms of endearment. I love that man, and I think that the Fat Bastard YouTube stuff is hilarious. I would hope that he enjoys it as well. If an enraged Mangino were charging me, I'd accept my fate and spread my arms wide open for a violent and possibly fatal embrace."

If KU wins the whole kit and caboodle this year, what's your strategy for rioting in the streets?

"If we were to win the Big 12 North, I'd say that we should party on Wescoe Beach like we made it to the Final 4 in hoops. If we win the entire conference, we should party downtown, have a parade or something, and build a Mark Mangino statue, which had better weigh one metric ton. I'm not going to go past that right now, because that goes back to the 'blow my mind' stuff and I have work to do."