BREAKING NEWS
…bedlam edition!
Monday, April 7, 2008
As Jennifer Chiaverini wrote on page 246 of her latest novel, “The Winding Ways Quilt”:
“Near the corner of Blackstone and 57th, Jeremy pointed out an Italian restaurant called Caffe Florian and easily convinced Summer to give it a try, since she knew he had been craving a slice of real Chicago-style pizza ever since they had left Pennsylvania.”
Don’t do it, Summer! That road leads to ruin.
In other news, we are pleased to announce a new, semi-regular feature to the Breaking News column, entitled Breaking News Fact of the Day. This week’s Fact: Ice cream should always be eaten with great aplomb, because it is magnificent!
In the ongoing Breaking News Essay Contest (send entries to frank@lawrence.com), one Delia Tankard writes:
“Hi Frank, I’ve spent a lot of time reading your stories. It was time to catch up. I really enjoy them, especially Breaking News. I’ll keep my eyes and ears open for a good one. You are a great writer in my humble opinion. Truly you really engage the reader. Let’s get together soon, missed you on Easter. Love you, Grandma”
Thanks, Grandma! Like all Essay Contest winners, you win the Special Prize.
More mail! This comes from Mark Ceaser of the Canadian band Sexually Attracted to Fire:
“I did a Google search of our band Sexually Attracted to Fire (SATF) and I came across an article you wrote which included this quote from our website:
’Why would someone want to be Sexually Attracted to Fire? It’s a mixture of too much alcohol, poor judgement, and the dream of going where no man has gone before. It’s like being an astronaut, except without requiring any skill or training. It’s about mystery and exploring the unknown. The SATF credo is, ‘It burns but it feels so good!’
“I thought it was really funny and extremely random that a Kansas based magazine included us in an article (Maybe it's because our provincial/state abbreviations are SK and KS. We're based out of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan).
“I had a look around the lawrence.com website and noticed there are music reviews. SATF is releasing an album in May 2008 and we would gladly send you a copy if you are interested in reviewing it, although it seems the articles concentrate on local bands. We have some of the new tunes posted at www.myspace.com/satf. Take care.”
Mark, Breaking News would absolutely dig the opportunity to review the album. It may be so hot, however, as to cause dangerous levels of sexual arousal. Perhaps you should include a warning on the cover: If erection lasts more than four hours, turn down the volume and take a breather, breauxheim, because you’re rockometer just went to 12!
—All facts in this story are real. Got a breaking news tip? Email frank@lawrence.com. April is hereby proclaimed April Fool’s Month. April Fools!
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