Lawrence.com

You know what? Screw the Olympics. They think that just because the world lavishes so much attention on them, and they're a symbol of human achievement and the ties that unite us as a species and blah blah blah, that they're better than the rest of us Jane and Joe Sixpacks? Phooey! Deron Belt and Jason "Cougar" Hwang-warrior-scholars of the Kaw Valley Kickball League-joined us to discuss the clash of kickball titans known as the KVKL Playoffs and why those underage Chinese gymnasts should stick to making the sweat-shop sneakers we use for kicking balls and ass.

No-fi highlights from the podcast

lawrence.com: If you had to use one word to describe the KVKL season thus far, what would it be? "Heroic"? "Herculean"? "Ham-towned"? "Hotter-than-balls"?

Cougar: I would call it "unpredictable." Case in point, the Eldridge, who last year only had three wins in their very first season, and this year has one of the better records at 9 - 1. Maybe it's a changing of the guard, with these newer teams replacing the former giants of kickball.

Deron: I'm going to go ahead and call this season "kick-tastic." We had this old guard that consistently performed at the top of the league for the last five or six years. Now we have these newer, younger teams-more attractive teams, I might add-and when the Final Four occurs, there's a real possibility of having two teams that have never been there before.

Would you say this season's slate of new contenders offers the most talented field of binge drinkers KVKL has ever seen?

Deron: Easily. Jump to the bottom of the bracket, and those are the most gifted drinking teams in the league. For the record, KVKL does not recommend drinking while playing. We don't endorse alcohol consumption-it's just sort of a by-product of what we do.

Is it ever an issue when the refs are as drunk as the players?

Deron: Very much so. Not that this has been statistically proven, but the refs in the late games have less incentive to stay sober. Reffing in general is a contentious issue, because it's a volunteer league and there are a lot of unqualified people that end up reffing, but I feel we've made real progress towards improving the quality of refs this year.

Audio Slideshow

Party Pics: Kickball - Solidarity vs Rangelife Records @ South Park 7.20

When you combine the Viking berserker lust that kickball elicits with booze, does that ever spill over into conflict?

Cougar: When you combine inebriation with testosterone, and-I hate to say it-a vast majority of the players are horrible athletes, when they're jacked up and things don't go their way they'll sometimes get belligerent. It can go the other way, as well-they'll drink, get out there, and won't give a flip. For the most part, everyone in the league gets along really well.

Deron: Heat's also a factor. We play in the dog days of summer and that wears people down. Not all of us are spring chickens like Coug, here.

Any Yankees/Red Sox style rivalries in the league? At the very least, Bugs Bunny/Elmer Fudd style rivalries?

Cougar: So far as Bugs Bunny/Elmer Fudd, that constitutes one team constantly having their way with another team, a la Bugs Bunny pulling all of these tricks and Elmer going, "You wascally wabbit!" Not to be mean, but Jayhawk Guttering-formerly Papa Keno's-is the Bugs Bunny and Mad Greek, Freestate and Red Lyon are the Elmer Fudds. Everyone loves to gang up on Jayhawk Guttering because they're the most intense, competitive team. There are two schools of thought-you either play for shits and giggles, or you play balls deep.

KVKL has had everything from choreographed pirate dancing to live goats on the field-any such tomfoolery this season?

Cougar: You forgot to mention that someone actually streaked the field last year. He jumped over the centerfield fence, which was pretty tall.

Deron: A historic downtown Lawrence figure-whose name I'm not at liberty to say-was able to unclothe himself unnoticed and rip across the field. It was an impressive athletic feat, sober or not. We need to do that every year, have an event where we see who can leap the fence that effectively while nude. We're also discussing having air guitar competitions during the 7th inning stretch.

For those placing their bets in Vegas, what are your predictions for the finals?

Deron: Sun Creations has just been pasting people. That's my pick to win it all, but Sacred Sword has the ability to stifle you like a snake. They'll pop you and swallow you whole. Jayhawk Guttering and Eastsiders also have a shot.

Cougar: I hate to sound like a broken record, but Sun Creations is probably going to win it all. The rest of the league is hoping that us praising Sun Creations will give them enough hot air to go to Mars, so that they'll get too cocky and knock themselves out of the playoffs.

How much more bad ass is Kaw Valley Kickball than the Olympics?

Deron: It's not even quantifiable. There are no medals in Kaw Valley Kickball, but there is also no drug testing.