Townie guide to... Continental affairs

Victor Continental, professional emcee and semi-professional sexual enthusiast, enjoys sex, comedy, sex in comedy, sex that is vaguely comic, sex that is vaguely tragic, traditional high kick dance

Women-fairer sex or the fairest?

"Oh, Gavon Laessig, they are the fairererrist."

Are you ever concerned that your rampant womanizing could lead to charges of misogynistic objectification? Or, at the very least, are you ever concerned your rampant womanizing could lead to rampant genital warts?

"No."

You've been pleasuring Lawrence audiences for 10 years now-is the spunk still there?

"Gavon Laessig, it is interesting that you should ask me, Victor Continental, about spunk."

This is, of course, an election year-will we see Victor Continental campaigning with either Obama or McCain? Who do you plan on endorsing? Are you even allowed to vote thanks to your ambiguous nationality and appearances on numerous sex offender registries?

"I consider myself a citizen of the world first, a sexy bitch second, and a political pundit not at all. Politics is like watching two dogs f*cking, sure, it's kind of exciting, but you don't feel like you should be a part of it. For me, it's about erections, not elections."

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Global warming-erotic?

"Oh mah God, yes."

Why should we return to The Victor Continental Show after our hearts have been broken so many times before? You woo us for one weekend out of the year, then-after you've had your way with us-up and leave without so much as making us an omelet the next morning. Why should we come crawling back?

"I'm surprised. It was you, Gavon Laessig, that flew from my bed in the early hours of the morning. Had you stayed there would have been omelets. Oh, God, the omelets we would have shared. Besides, everyone in the audience loves my Donkey Punch. With that, I must leave you, Gavon Laessig. Until Friday!"

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