Townie guide to: March Madness widowing

Ashly Campbell, insurance peddler, reader, cooker, will drink a f*cking merlot

Years in Lawrence: 17

Being married to a KU cultist, is March the loneliest month of all?

"Are you kidding? March is truly the most wonderful time of the year. There'll be rivals for roasting and whiskey for toasting and we're all full of beer. It's the hap-happiest time of the year. The holidays are a chance for family to get together and March Madness is a great time to get together with long lost friends and watch a game. That said, my husband is more interested than I am because he wants to watch basically every team and I'm more interested in just watching the Big 12 games."

Do you enable your poor, mentally enfeebled hoops-addict husband? Kind of like the guy who let his girlfriend grow into the toilet?

"I hate to say it but I am definitely an enabler, from organizing a group to watch a game at our house to fetching things for him while he stays home and watches the game. Last week he preferred to stay home and watch the game to going to lunch with my mom, and I brought him back a sandwich and chips. My mom also made sure she had beverages stocked to enhance his viewing pleasure."

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How do you cope with this strain on your marriage and your sanity?

"Actually, it's no strain at all. He's home and it's something the whole family can do together. We love comparing brackets and watching the game together."

Beer and basketball-the cheapest form of couples therapy?

"Well, I know this is totally lame for most sports enthusiasts, but I love drinking merlot while watching the game. I am not much of a beer drinker anymore."

If he could, do you think your husband would leave you for Mario Chalmers?

"My husband isn't into dudes, Gavon. He's told you that many times before."

Hypothetically, then-if he were to stray, which KU sports figure would you have revenge sex with?

"I'm not into college kids and I didn't really chase basketball players when I was in college. That said, I would love to have Sasha Kaun over for dinner with his mom. He seems like such a sweet kid and has had to overcome so much adversity. I really respect his mom for sending him here to get an education. A lot of moms would make the selfish choice and kept their kids close to home even if their education suffered."

Can a spouse fight the foul temptress that is March Madness, or should they just strap on and jump in?

"Oh, there's no beating it, so you might as well grab the beer or wine helmet and join in. Even if you aren't that into sports it's just an excuse to gather with friends, drink, and eat junk food."

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