BREAKING NEWS
…skin edition!!!
Monday, May 12, 2008
A girl and a guy sat together on a bench outside the east entrance of Oliver Hall. They stopped talking each time someone walked past. They looked unhappy.
Sunbathing occurred with regularity on the last day of classes before finals at KU. Two girls in bikinis lay on their backs on the lawn of Oliver. Another pair did the same in front of Margaret Amini Scholarship Hall, as groups of women sunbathed by the pool outside of Naismith Hall and behind a house at the southeast corner of 12th and Tennessee streets.
And now, ladies and wangstas, it’s time for the latest installment of Reading Time. From page 311 of A Carrion Death by Michael Stanley, which you may recognize as the opening paragraph to chapter 54:
“Strings of expensive homes and holiday villas straddle the first dunes along the sea of Plettenberg Bay. Behind are condominiums housing the somewhat less wealthy. One of these belonged to a middle-aged divorcée, Pat Marks. She shared it with Marcel.
“Pat made a habit of an early jog along the beach with Marcel, followed by a swim. After the exercise she felt refreshed and ready to face the day. Marcel loved to jog. He was a standard poodle, black and boisterous with a Latin temperament to match his name and breeding. Pat had no time for toy dogs. Marcel provided protection as well as company and entertainment.”
Photo by Frank Tankard
Chill out, Pat. Why ain’t you got no time for toy dogs? How about a cute little maltese? Maybe if you didn’t take yourself so seriously, with your all-important jogging habits and such, your marriage wouldn’t have hit the rocks. Just telling it like it is.
In other news, many footsteps were seen on drying concrete. Why not avoid the stuff? Everybody’s in too big of a hurry. The whole damn world’s gone the way of Pat and her Latin poodle. Those girls in paragraph two know what’s up. Takin’ ’er easy.
Now, a poem on this theme in the distinct, lewd vernacular of the men’s room wall:
Slow down, bro
Take it slow
Slow down, bro
Take it slow
Slow down,
Bro
Bone your ho
—All facts in this story are real. Got a breaking news tip? Email Frank Tankard at frank@lawrence.com. Hysteria!
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