Global hamdemic

Actual News Nug*


Dario Lopez-Mills/AP Photo

Parishioners at Metropolitan Cathedral attend a closed-door Mass on Sunday in Mexico City. Churches stood empty Sunday in Mexico City after services were canceled, and health workers screened airports and bus stations for people sickened by a new strain of swine flu that experts fear could become a global epidemic.

The world community reacted with panic this week to the increasing number of reported swine flu cases. The strain of influenza, which scientists say contains traces of bird and human flu, is potentially responsible for killing dozens and infecting thousands in Mexico. Cases have been confirmed in 5 U.S. states, including Kansas. No one in the U.S. has become seriously ill or died.

*…CDC officials, asked how the virus could have jumped from bird to pig to humans, initially refused to answer. When pressed, the squeamish scientists said, “Do we have to draw you a picture? There’s a dude out there who, uh...likes him some pigs and birds.” Meanwhile, 24 hour cable news networks have been urging calm with headlines such as “Stockpiling Weapons: A Good Idea to Combat the Zombie Hogs Which Will Rise Up to Devour Us All?”

*...based on actual news


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