Friday, August 21, 2009
Will these work if you're skinny? The assless amongst us have GOT to know.
Move over Snuggies for Dogs. Kindly remove yourself from the path of progress, Comfort Wipe. Hey, Kush, go chase a bottle of Vicodin with a gallon of Kentucky Gentleman and slowly weep yourself into an eternal sleep, because you're old and gross. All of you have instantly been rendered relics of a dreary past. Behold the glorious and terrible dawn of Winkers, the Pants That Have Eyes On The Ass!
That's right, pants that kind of look they're winking when you walk but in practice really look like spastic facial tics. With humanity displaying such staggering ingenuity, cancer's days are numbered. The patent is pending, so BACK OFF Giorgio Armani! Seriously, just cancel "Project Runway." Ari Fish will never design anything of this caliber.
Most people have been focusing on the ass-winking pairs, but I think I prefer the ass-quacking pair. Just you wait and see...ass-wink, ass-wink, ass-nudge, ass-nudge.
Whatever you may think of this extended advertainment, it's nowhere near as annoying as those Palm Pre commercials. Who the hell is that annoying nude girl? If I buy a Palm Pre, will she please stop talking and put on a pair of Winkers already? Yeesh and a half!
Comments
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realfakeplant (anonymous) says…
It seems all of the models in the video have wide, flabby asses. I think the skinny, the assless, or those with a more rotund vs. wide ass would have less winking.
Also, I think this video gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "backdoor action"...
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
Nice work, Gavon. Was this perhaps composed during an extended liquid lunch? If so, they should enlarge your booze stipend :)
gavon (Gavon Laessig) says…
No, Misty, I was just high on life...and ketamine...mostly ketamine.