Friday, August 28, 2009
And Ron “Tater Salad” White wept.
Oh, lord…People of Wal-Mart is a masterpiece of human tragedy. It’s “The Grapes of Wrath” with gout and smothered in gravy. This site is a monument to suffering and societal collapse, capturing the exact historical moment when we as a species inch over the tipping point. Considering the mounds of KFC Double Down–fed trailer flesh being stuffed into stretch pants on display, screw the tipping point…we done broke the scale.
As you might have gathered, it's a site that posts photos of Wal-Mart patrons from around the country. The remarkable thing is, whether the photo was submitted from California or West Virginia, Wal-Mart shoppers are frighteningly identical regardless of geography. This site is a lot like Sorry I Missed Your Party in that you'll have to laugh through your tears.
Although, just so no one accuses me of elitism, I myself shop at Wal-Mart. I’m poor as hell, so I don’t have much of an option. The option I do have, however, is to put down the McGriddle long enough so I can put on a shirt before I go shopping at Wal-Mart. Just. Sayin’.
To provide further balance, here's a Dose lambasting hipsters. Now enjoy (?) some samplings from People of Wal-Mart. (Hat tip to Fally!)
UPDATE! Via Amy and Travis Mason, now you can go on a sight-seeing safari for the People of Wal-Mart with this handy bingo game!
Comments
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alm77 (anonymous) says…
I'm about as anti-Walmart as they come, but it's just about the only place we stop on road trips because we know what we're getting into. A couple weeks ago, in Iowa, I saw the same thing that's in Picture Number Two above, except this girl's outfit came straight out of Hot Topic. I was stunned as she walked down the aisle in her five inch high heeled boots and her plaid skirt bounced with every step showing both cheeks and a hot pink thong. At least she wasn't fat. Which brings me to my second point.
Anytime I'm feeling down on myself for being above the generally accepted healthy weight range, I just take a trip to the old Wal-mart. I'm feeling trim and sexy within minutes!
alm77 (anonymous) says…
Is your first link broken or did they shut 'er down already??
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
Arrrgggh! Site wonked! All I get is an installation page for WordPress. It's not your link, it's the site. Damn. I was all set to spend the afternoon searching for relatives.
gavon (Gavon Laessig) says…
Damn, I guess they're getting slammed. Well, as of this moment, the pics I posted above are the curdled cream of the crop. They really didn't have many more than this, so you aren't missing anything right this very minute.
I'm sure that's going to change in the coming days, as their traffic is apparently through the roof. In the meantime, as we sit on and twiddle our thumbs, anybody have any Wal-Mart photos they'd like to share here?
alm77 (anonymous) says…
I'm actually on my way over there right now. I'll keep the iPhone (did I tell you I finally got an iPhone??) handy. Wish me luck!
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
Gavon--none that wouldn't bar me from public office ;)
gavon (Gavon Laessig) says…
Happy hunting, Alm! But don't make eye contact...if a Wal-Mart customer charges at you like an enraged hippo, not even God can help you.
And, Misty, just e-mail those photos directly to me. I promise I'll never show them to anyone else. They'll be safely stashed in the slide show I call "Moistened Shame."
corduroypants (anonymous) says…
I can't say I've ever seen a goat roaming the aisles at Target.
chewyfally (Falestine Afani Ruzik) says…
A while back the husband and I decided to never ever set foot in a Wal-Mart ever again. It made our lives so much richer. But I can't help but notice that Target is slowly turning into Wal-Mart. Anybody else get that feeling from Target?
TroutPoutt (anonymous) says…
This is magical, truely magical.
alm77 (anonymous) says…
I have returned! But not victoriously... :( I don't know if I just wasn't in the mood or if I've simply been desensitized to the Comfort Wipe target market, but it was quite typical fare.
witchfindergeneral (anonymous) says…
Glorious, simply glorious.
Some time ago, I was in the local Wal-Mart (well, the OLD one) at 2 in the morning (don't ask me why), and I was witness to a random mob of a dozen or so preteen girls sprinting, completely unattended, through the aisles. The experience deeply scarred me, and I've avoided Wal-Marts every since. Now, with the discovery of this site, I have more reasons to avoid the place.
alm77 (anonymous) says…
I do have to say, I've seen stranger things on Mass St.
http://www.facebook.com/photo_search....
jtclark (anonymous) says…
yeah i'm smug too so i hate wal-mart and their bastard cheap prices of corn-feed beef and other things that are bad for me so screw america and stuff.
DOTDOT (anonymous) says…
Hey! That's me!!
corduroypants (anonymous) says…
I got your WMD's right here.
Wal
Mart
Don't make you put on a shirt
DOTDOT (anonymous) says…
I love America so much right now, I got to clean my pants.
gavon (Gavon Laessig) says…
Oy! I fixed the links, added some new photos, and even threw in a bingo game for no extra charge. You're welcome.
alm77 (anonymous) says…
I just sent you one. Four months later...