Mardi Poopers

Actual News Nugs*


Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, who would not—despite multiple entreaties—show us his tits.

Two people were arrested Tuesday afternoon after at least six people, including a 1-year-old boy, were shot along the Mardi Gras parade route in downtown New Orleans. Police say none of the injuries are life threatening. Also marring the Mardi Gras festivities, a man fell off of a parade float on Saturday and was killed when the same float ran over him.*...Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal blamed the violence on Barack Obama's economic recovery program and refused medical aid for the wounded.

In related news, New Orleans police released this blotter of crimes that got me arrested over the weekend:

1. Flooding Lower 9th Ward with Turbodog

2. Stealing Mickey Rourke's Oscar (Sean Penn only)

3. Throwing octuplets instead of beads

4. Giving unwanted lap dance to Bobby Jindal

5. Setting Lake Pontchartrain on fire

6. Public indecency with alligator

7. Vandalizing John Goodman

8. Coke...lots of coke

9. Not buying t-shirt at House of Blues

10. Tranny slap-fight

11. Eating actual poor boy

12. Popping stripper's implants

13. Drunk driving a parade float

14. Pissing in crawfish broil

15. Practicing voodoo without license

16. Huffing FEMA trailer fumes

17. Defiling levy

18. Invading French Quarter with blitzkrieg, demanding surrender (which they did)

19. Even more coke

20. Hating jazz

*...based on actual news


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