Mission Re-accomplished

Actual News Nugs*


President Obama unveils his plan to remove troops from Iraq in Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. Insert "withdrawal" joke here.

President Obama today announced that combat troops would leave Iraq by the end of 2010 and all remaining troops would be out by the end of 2011. Roughly 100,000 U.S. combat troops to be pulled out of Iraq over the next 18 months. Nearly 50,000 U.S. troops will stay in Iraq under a new mission of training, civilian protection and counterterrorism until 2011. Obama placed a courtesy call to George W. Bush, who launched the war in Iraq, before making the announcement.*...According to sources, Obama assured Bush that "it isn't you, buddy, it's the Iraqis. They've moved on. They think you're a great guy and have had a wonderful time under your occupation, but they've decided they need to spend some time with other nation building Western empires. Hey, I tried to tell them what a great decider you are and how you have your own ranch and everything. Most Muslim nations would kill to have a guy like you who nurtures their oil industry—and most of them do, as a matter of fact. Anyway, you should move on. I hear Lebanon is on the rebound. Oh, and thanks for the sloppy seconds in Afghanistan, by the way...dick."

*...based on actual news


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