Thursday, June 25, 2009
This site has been around for a spell, but my meanderings online today helped me rediscover the awful glory of This Is Why You're Fat. The sweet embrace of its flabby, rippling arms felt so familiar and comfortable. Here are some recent additions to the menu of the damned. God...just looking at these dishes makes me want to reach for my Comfort Wipe.
Flapjack Fiasco - Layers from bottom to top: pancake; cookie dough; pancake; peanut butter and jelly; pancake; chocolate and bananas; pancake; caramel, oreo, marshmallow, sprinkles, M&M;’s; pancake; caramel buttercream frosting granished with Trix cereal.
Spam Fries - Spam that has passed through a french fry press and is deep fried.
The Spanky Cristo - A peanut butter, banana, honey and bacon sandwich on potato bread, dipped in egg batter then fried in bacon fat, topped with butter and blueberry syrup.
Chicken Finger Bacon Pizza - A pizza consisting of Thousand Island dressing as the sauce, topped with a family size bag of chicken fingers, a container of bacon bits all smothered in sliced mozzarella cheese.
Lardz - Deep fried lard balls topped with sugar.
Totchos - Tater Tots covered in ground beef, jalapeño peppers, cheese, salsa and sour cream.
Bacon Crust Pizza With Bacon
Potachos - Thick potato chips covered with chedder, bacon, tomatoes, onions, ketchup, chives and sour cream.
The Bacone - A bacon cone filled with scrambled eggs and country gravy topped with a biscuit.
The Pizzurger - A double Whopper with a slice of pizza between each burger patty.
We've erected a new food pyramid in this country, one made entirely of Funyons and cheese. I want to be buried in this greasy tomb, bandaged in bacon wrap, my organs replaced with Little Debbie cakes. Who's the pinnacle of human endeavor NOW, ancient Egyptians?!?!
On the serious tip, I would absolutely eat any of the above items...then cry and crap myself into a coma.