Tuesday, June 30, 2009
All of these are from STFU, Parents, which in the taxonomy of single topic websites is a sub-species of Lamebook. It was born out of the age-old conflict between those with paternal, nurturing instincts and their selfish, douchebaggy friends. I am solidly in the selfish, douchebaggy camp.
This isn't to say all parents are obnoxious. Only the ones who post constant Facebook updates on their children's biological fluids are obnoxious. Bonus obnoxious points if they're sanctimonious about it.
It's almost as psychologically scarring as plastering Elisa's menstrual cycle all over the internet! ROFL!
Thankfully she's strong enough to chat about breast infection. So brave. ;>
Was Sophie's choice between Dave Mathews and John Mayer? :-(
Yes, that child is sitting in a large pile of its own waste. Yes, the mom seems to think this is hilarious and not something that should be hidden from child welfare agents. No, I'm not sure if she's saying the father is a large pile of feces or if he has irritable bowel syndrome. Yes, I agree with Blake.=P
How do you redo a circumcision? Can you call a mulligan on removing a foreskin? Can you reattach your child's lost dignity now that his botched circumcision is in the public domain for the rest of his life? OMG!
Why is it that I detect a vague whiff of bemused pride in this statement? Do you really think that everything your kid does is a minor triumph? First steps, fine. First word, I'm with you. First swallowed dog turd, time out. They didn't get first place at the spelling bee, they probably have worms. Awesome!!!
And in another four years, you'll be nursing a potential serial killer! :D
Before I'm accused of hating children or being an OshKosh B'igot, hold your hobby horses, super spawners! I love kids. I have multiple nieces and nephews, and I don't hate any of the little bastards. The resentment and bitterness kicks in when friends disappear down the poopy chute. When they're not spending every waking hour with the bundle of time-suck, waking hours that could be spent drinking and carousing with you, they're talking about spending every waking hour with the bundle of time-suck.
It's very rude to those of us who are needy, emotionally stunted little misanthropes. STFU, Parents acts as a support group for those of us who've lost loved ones to the disease of reproduction. What about our feelings, huh?!?! What about our grief at having lost a trusted wingman or bitch buddy? How conceited is it that you're not thinking about ME, you breeding sociopaths?
Comments
Lawrence.com does not necessarily agree with comments posted below - responsibility lies with the relevant user alone. Read our full policy.
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
Very nice, Gavon.
corduroypants (anonymous) says…
I had a FB friend who posted "Just filled up the car with gas." C
alm77 (anonymous) says…
This is why you haven't gotten a facebook friend request from me, my dear Gavon.
BUT, here are my last 6 parent related tweets, just to prove I'm not so bad:
Loving my kids' new chore chart; the house is so clean! But I am a bit worried that I may be broke by the end of the week. Meh, its worth it
3:44 PM Jun 29th from web
Sitting outside with tiki torches. Trav's reading a book, I'm on Farm Town and the kids are pretending to camp. Awesome night.
9:46 PM Jun 28th from web
Just found out we're going to the drive in for a double feature! UP and Night at the Museum!!! http://www.boulevarddrivein.com
1:53 PM Jun 20th from web
off to The Toy Store and then the swimming pool. Are my kids living the good life or what?
12:53 PM Jun 19th from web
My 4 yr. old is awesome. From the time we took the training wheels off 'til the time he was full-on riding was a little under two hours!
9:52 PM Jun 18th from web
LAST but not least, my favorite:
my 9 year old wants to put Grillz on his baby teeth so he can cash in with the Tooth Fairy.
9:14 PM Jun 17th from web