Stories for March 2009

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Tuesday, March 31

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I'd Like to Habeas HER Corpus

Actual News Nugs*

Most dangerous place in world, filled with violent extremists who can never be released, visited by giggling women in sashes.

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Townie guide to... post-traumatic Jayhawk disorder

Soon enough it will be time to chase this dragon again. But I swear I can quit anytime.

Monday, March 30

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Save & Splurge: Sara Langford

Comedian, illegal music downloader, doesn't really condone pretending you have cancer to avoid bills

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Nature/Future

Student art opening at the Spencer imagines the meeting of nature and technology

Sunday, March 29

EMU auditions extended

Due to inclement weather, EMU Theatre will hold further auditions for its 10-minute play festival "Oily Oily Oxen Sheen" this Thursday.

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Style Scout: Patrick Hangauer

I'm addicted to spray tanning.

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Style Scout: Calla Martin

I go back and forth on mustaches. Some guys just can't pull it off.

Saturday, March 28

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Sweet Jesus Stupid Ass Son of a Bitching Suck My 16!

Actual News Nugs*

KU knocked out of NCAA Tournament, God declared dead.

Friday, March 27

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Video Game Review Roundup

In this Roundup we take a look at MadWorld, Halo Wars, Dead Rising: Chop Till You Drop, and Chrono Trigger.

Open call: KU Fitness Center mural competition

Thursday, March 26

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E-bama

President Obama conducts online town-hall meeting, sells budget proposals and cheap Viagra.

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Who Wants to Do Some Shots?

Actual News Nugs*

Shots fired at local bar, several wounded, still a more pleasant experience than Jägerbombs.

Wednesday, March 25

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Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard (360)

Satirizing the gaming industry and its overused conventions is a great idea, and it's never been done quite right. Eat Lead tries pretty hard, but in the end it's no better than all the unoriginal action games it tries so hard to mock.

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The Taped Crusaders

Found Footage Festival salvages our shameful VHS heritage from the dumpster of history

Founded and curated by Nick Prueher and Joe Pickett, the FFF is a traveling road show of unintentionally stupefying recordings culled from yard sales and trash cans from around the country.

Tuesday, March 24

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Style Scout: Anna Luna

An extra on the Cosby Show.

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Style Scout: Brad Shanks

1 part Rick from Rick's place, 1 part pre-Michael McDonald era of the Doobie Brothers, and 1 part grungy Dad.

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Nameless No More

Joe Wilson is the most rockin' dude at the Econo Lodge

You might be familiar with some the local bands Nameless Entertainment has helped introduce to the scene: David Hasselhoff on Acid, Brainbow, The Cast Pattern, Baiowolf, Daleria, and Noise Complaint to name just a few.

Monday, March 23

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Save & Splurge: Kasha Morton

The shirt I'm wearing is a hand-me-down from an ex who used to be into drag.

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Help's Angels

Lawrence’s Social Service League is in its element in these tough times

Jean Ann Pike is no stranger to desperation. As manager of the Social Service League, she deals daily—intimately—with all sorts of people in need. These days, there are just more of them...

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Townie Guide to... Townie Reentry

I was pretty much willing to pay Pizza Shuttle thousands of dollars to deliver to Seoul.

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The Audacity of Stanhope

Comedian Doug Stanhope hates himself and wants you to die

Doug Stanhope can't quit hacking up sputum. Every time he begins chuckling, a death rattle of a cough keeps interrupting. That wheezing and mortal gurgle sloshing around in his lungs, the result of habitual nicotine and alcohol abuse, sums up the gallows humor of Stanhope with mucosal efficiency. Stanhope was kind enough to join us over the phone to discuss how miserable he is...

Sunday, March 22

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Not So Thrilling 32!

Actual News Nugs*

KU only wins by 17—lazy bastards.

Friday, March 20

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The Surprisingly Scintilating 64!

Actual News Nugs*

Jayhawks barely advance, sphincters barely unclench.

Thursday, March 19

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Chair Lifted

Actual News Nugs*

Wheelchair inaccessible.

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Baracketology

Actual News Nugs*

The president makes his March Madness picks, threatens to block bonuses of coaches who don't win.

Wednesday, March 18

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Resident Evil 5 (PS3)

Much has been said about Resident Evil 5's polarizing shift to a more action-oriented gameplay experience, but there's no denying the polish and quality evident in the final product. You're not going to be having zombies gnawing at your legs or dogs jumping through windows anymore, but the action on display here is top-notch.

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WTF AIG??? SMD!

Actual News Nugs*

AIG CEO defends using bonus to bone us.

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Video Game Review Roundup

In this roundup we take a look at H.A.W.X., Onechanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers, Deadly Creatures, and Retro Game Challenge.

Tuesday, March 17

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A Tight Twit Community

Lawrence Tweetup puts a non-emoticon face to the Twitter phenomenon

A “Tweetup” is happening here in Lawrence, and we’ve asked the most dedicated of these Twitter-bugs to comment on this basic need for human interaction and its manifestation in occasionally obnoxious technology.

Monday, March 16

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Save & Splurge: Lacy Myers

Used underwear? Ew.

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Townie guide to... bracket backlash

The good folks at Purina wouldn't allow the 2008-09 Kansas Jayhawks to be machine separated and dried into cat food—their quality standards are too high.

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Lights, Camera, Films for Action

FFA kicks off 2009 with meltdown-minded flicks

Try as they might, Michael Moore and Morgan Spurlock can only make so many flicks. If it seems like those are the only two documentary filmmakers who stir the pot on a regular basis, perhaps it’s time to give Films for Action a look.

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Hope is the new fear

We’ve all heard the saying “uncertainty breeds fear.” What’s more uncertain than a crisis that the vast majority of Americans—even the most informed among us—finds difficult to grasp? Lucky for you, Joe Sixpack, we enlisted the most hopeful dude out there to give us some answers.

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The Church of Bracketology

Actual News Nugs*

Let the quasi-legal gambling commence!

Sunday, March 15

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Style Scout: Cody Henry

I have recently developed an affinity for the '90s grunge style.

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Style Scout: Gina Pomponio

My style is usually menswear-influenced, but I try and dress comfy and fun.

Friday, March 13

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B-tarded

Actual News Nugs*

BREAKING! Kansas Legislature bogged down with sudden influx of time. More as nothing relevant develops...

Thursday, March 12

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Accessory Review: MadCatz Street Fighter IV controllers

Like many other gamers out there, I've been playing an absurd amount of Street Fighter IV lately. These MadCatz controllers greatly improve on the experience, and blow away the Xbox 360 controller in virtually every aspect.

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March Sadness

Actual News Nugs*

Jayhawk fans left with crimson and blue balls.

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Over and Out

Archetype goes the way of the dinosaurs, but leaves behind better record

Ah crap. Archetype is breaking up. So they say, at least. Perhaps it’s just an elaborate scam to hype their new record. We can certainly hope as much...

Wednesday, March 11

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Madoff With His Head

Actual News Nugs*

Bernard Madoff pleads guilty to stealing billions of dollars...and our hearts.

Tuesday, March 10

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Killzone 2 (PS3)

Killzone 2 is an absolutely beautiful game, and features what are easily some of the best graphics to ever be seen on a console. It's not all smoke and mirrors, though - it's a fantastic, intense FPS that is a must-have for PS3 owners.

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Embryobama

Actual News Nugs*

President Obama expands stem cell research, Rush Limbaugh to respond with joke about Christopher Reeve's widow.

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Crimson & Blue & Green

Environmental task force aims to convert Lawrence into an eco-powerhouse

The Climate Protection Task Force may not kick as much ass as Chuck Norris’ similarly named Delta Force, but they are just as deadly serious about shaping Lawrence into a statewide leader in sustainability.

Monday, March 9

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Townie guide to... March Maddening

I would equate March Madness with the symptoms of bi-polar disorder—ecstatic, erratic, moody, reckless, irrational behavior.

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Street Fighter IV (360, PS3)

Street Fighter IV is the best fighting game in the last ten years, and without a doubt one of the best of all time. More than mere nostalgia or fan service, it takes everything that made SFII such a classic and updates and reinvents itself to be exactly what you'd hope for the series to be in 2009.

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Save & Splurge: Danielle Comstock

Ancient Indians would use chia seeds to outrun their prey—they would run down a deer until it was exhausted.

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The Kids Are Alright

Lawrence’s best-known band reunites as greatest Get Up Kids cover band in the world

Rock and roll break-ups are often tumultuous, emotionally charged affairs. And so it was for the Get Up Kids, probably the best-known band to come out of Lawrence in the last decade. After their March 13th show at Liberty Hall, the Kids will head to Alaska, Los Angeles, Belgium, New York, and beyond—all in conjunction with the release of their 10th anniversary edition of “Something To Write Home About.”

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Anarchonomics

Solidarity collective reacts to capitalist meltdown and sweeps America’s puke off its doorstep

If the anarchists who populate Lawrence’s Solidarity collective felt like rubbing it in, they might well stand on the roof and yell, “I TOLD YOU SO!!!”

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Style Scout: Matt Gifford

Earth-tone working man.

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Style Scout: Ariele Erwine

Midwest mystic cowgirl.

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12-step program

Actual News Nugs*

Friday, March 6

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Road Rage

Actual News Nugs*

Because there's absolutely nothing more important going on in the world.

Thursday, March 5

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Molest We Forget

Actual News Nugs*

JACKO IS BACK-O! KING OF POP RETURNS! MY SHIFT KEY IS STUCK!

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Texas Wreck

Actual News Nugs*

KU apparently messed with Texas.

Wednesday, March 4

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Puss 'n Bongs

Actual News Nugs*

Leaves a wicked case of kitten mouth.

Tuesday, March 3

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Fallout 3 (360)

Fallout 3 represents the pinnacle of open-ended gameplay to date. No matter how you play it, Fallout 3 is an absolute triumph and easily one of the best games in recent memory.

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Great Depression II: Depress Harder

Actual News Nugs*

It's raining men, hallelujah!

Monday, March 2

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Beer as Folk

Two guys from Lawrence make a go at a sudsy livelihood

Barnyard Brewing is fine-tuning brews that Lawrence will soon be enjoying.

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Townie Guide to... surviving Sebelius withdrawal

Maybe I'll share my inhaler when my own anxiety-triggered asthma attack is under control.

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Layoffs to Lemonade

Web-savvy Lawrencians look on the bright side of unemployment

Jacinta Langford and Jesse Sevier decided to latch onto the upside of getting downsized. After getting pink slips a few weeks ago from the firm where they worked together, the Lawrence duo started a marketing business with an emphasis on Web 2.0.

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Missouri Compromised

Actual News Nugs*

KU pounds Missouri into secession.

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Cast and Present

The Appleseed Cast embarks on new sonic expedition

In a one-handed count of Lawrence bands whose last two records have each sold over 25,000 copies, you’d likely have fingers left over. Tom King interviews The Appleseed Cast about its new album "Sagarmatha" and mountains to climb in 2009.

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Save & Splurge: Linda Niedbalski

Estée Lauder is the crack cocaine of the cosmetics world and Clinique is the meth.

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What to ask? Conferences offer face time with teachers

When Shala Stevenson heads March 13 to Central Junior High School for parent-teacher conferences, she’ll know what to expect in more ways than one. Thanks to e-mail and the Skyward Family Access program — which allows parents a chance to look at grades and test scores online — she already knows exactly how her daughter Sameah is doing in her eighth-grade courses as well as what each teacher thinks of her daughter as a student.

Sunday, March 1

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Silver Fox in the White House

Actual News Nugs*

Being secretary is woman's work.