Missouri Compromised

Actual News Nugs*

Monday, March 2, 2009


A tragic and violent chapter in American history, somberly observed by KU students with appropriate reverence.

The Kansas men's basketball team routed Missouri yesterday in a 90-65 blowout, avenging an earlier upset by the Tigers. The Jayhawks now improve to 24-5 overall, 13-1 in the Big 12, and are now ranked 9th in both prominent national polls. KU next faces Texas Tech on Wednesday night at 8:30.*...Thanks to a program known as "Soylent Orange," the pasted remains of the Missouri team were scraped out of Allen Fieldhouse and fed to needy Missourians.

In case Kansas plays another game with such a convincing victory that lacks suspense, the University has hired this gentleman to inject more drama into the color commentary:

*...based on actual news