Road Rage

Actual News Nugs*

Friday, March 6, 2009

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Naming a two block stretch of road after a football coach from the '70s who didn't bring home any championships or even have an overall winning record is just the sort of retaliation Quantrill and his Bushwhackers would never suspect.

The Lawrence City Commission said this week it will consider renaming a section of Missouri St. after former KU football coach and notorious Missouri hater, Don Fambrough. The measure would only effect 9th through 11th streets, the stretch of Missouri leading up to KU's Memorial Stadium.*...Outraged city leaders in Columbia, MO attempted to find a Kansas-themed street they could rename, but quickly realized they have no paved roads and no one there can read anyway. They settled for finding a guy name Lawrence and beating the hell out of him.

In another pointless and resource consuming gesture, the Lawrence City Commission somehow convinced the nation of Columbia to change its name to "El Booginville." Also, an effort has been launched to genetically modify every tiger on the planet into a freakish abortion of nature, mocking our creator with deformed wings and a beak-like snout, so that it slightly resembles a Jayhawk.

Meanwhile, the economy is unravelling and our civilization is on the brink of total collapse.

Here is a website of equal relevance to the Lawrence City Commission proposal.

*...based on actual news