March Sadness

Actual News Nugs*

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KU's Sherron Collins tragically mauled by bears.

Top-seeded KU was knocked out of the Big 12 Tournament today by the Baylor Bears, 71-64. The Bears were lead by LaceDarius Dunn's 24-points, while KU's Sherron Collins was held to 16 points on 6-for-20 shooting. Losing 2 of their last 3 games to unranked teams likely will cost KU a No. 1 seed in the NCAA Tournament, which begins a week from today.*...Collins blamed his sub-par performance in the game to being frequently distracted by the Baylor Bears mascot—a large, mostly nude man in leather and chains with a bushy walrus mustache. The mascot, Gary the Hair Bear, brought every KU player to a halt in mid-game when he strung up Baby Jay in a Chinese Sex Swing and proceeded to flagellate the Jayhawk icon with a cat o' nine tails. KU center Matt Kleinmann fell to his knees screaming and had to be restrained from gouging his own eyes out.

The crushing KU defeat has already been put to song:

*...based on actual news

Comments

Shelby 9 years, 3 months ago

What an incredibly beautiful, elvish voice.

Mark Gormley will guide us through these, our Gray Days...

Mark Poepsel 9 years, 3 months ago

maybe you could rename the street Baylor Way.

pistachio 9 years, 3 months ago

I've never seen anyone repeatedly cross their legs in a music video. He must be Canadian.

gavon 9 years, 3 months ago

Crossing his thunder thighs acts as vice on his testicles, allowing him to hit those ethereal high notes.

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