Thursday, March 19, 2009
The stolen wheelchair of a disabled Lawrence man was recovered Thursday morning by police, only to have been found broken in two. Pat Helbert’s motorized wheelchair went missing Monday afternoon and was found dumped in a nearby residential neighborhood, the seat removed. Officers are working to track down the wheelchair thieves. Anyone with information is asked to call Crimestoppers, at 843-8477 (TIPS) or Lawrence police at 832-7509.
*...Investigators suspect the crime was inspired by recent video game release, "Grand Theft Asshole: Twat Town." Other copycat crimes inspired by the game include beating up pandas, setting Muppets on fire, making Natasha Richardson jokes, and being Bernie Madoff.
Sentencing for such crimes includes a maximum penalty of watching this movie on a constant loop for 150 years:
*...based on actual news