Sunday, March 22, 2009
KU's Cole Aldrich celebrates his record setting performance by eating an entire basketball.
KU steamrolled over Dayton to advance to the Sweet 16 on Sunday, easily dispatching the Flyers, 60-43. Although sluggish in the first half, the Jayhawks came alive in the second, propelled by Cole Aldrich's record-setting performance. Aldrich made the first "triple-double" in KU history—earned by racking up double digits in three categories—with 20 points, 13 rebounds and 10 blocks. KU next plays No. 2 Michigan State at 8:37 p.m. Friday.
*...Sports journalists set a record of their own covering Aldrich, producing the most awful puns based on a player's name in NCAA history. Highlights include:
"Runaway Cole-train"
"Cole Slaw Tosses Dayton's Salad"
"Nat King Cole Roasts Flyers' Chestnuts Over Open Fire"
"Cole Fired Power Plant Gives Dayton Failure Cancer"
"Lifestyles of the Aldrich and Famous"
"Gary Cole-man Asks, 'Whatchoo Talkin Bout, Dayton?'"
"Cole-on Blow-out"
KU's resounding victory triggered jubilant dancing throughout Jayhawk nation:
*...based on actual news
Comments
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pistachio (anonymous) says…
Cole 45 - works every time!
matt (Matt Armstrong) says…
It's like Jackie Mason and Patton Oswalt had a man baby. A maybe.
Coletrain runs on rails.
gavon (Gavon Laessig) says…
Matt, did you watch it up until he busts out the Mario Kart diaphragm? Peripherals are whipped out around the 2:00 minute mark.
I should say that this installment of Actual News was inspired by everyone who was watching the game at Conroy's. Little did you people know you were simply grist for the mill. Thanks, suckers!
And pistachio? Cole Frontal Nudity, The Cole-iest of Cole-ies, Cole Dancing, and Cole My Finger.
pistachio (anonymous) says…
I didn't think he was an actual childrens at first - I thought he was a CGI childrens. 20 bucks says that kid is home-schooled.
Hey Diabeetus - I wouldn't touch Dayton with a 6'11" Cole.