Who Wants to Do Some Shots?

Actual News Nugs*


The scene of the crime...against your liver.

(Update: 2:40 p.m.) — A 22-year-old Overland Park man has been arrested in connection with a triple shooting just before 2 a.m. today, outside a bar near the Kansas University campus, Lawrence police said. Joseph Abdullah Muhammad was arrested on three counts of aggravated battery. More at ljworld.com.

Three students were wounded early Thursday morning at a Lawrence bar in an apparent drive by shooting. Lawrence police said the men were shot while standing outside The Hawk, near 14th and Ohio. Two men were taken to Lawrence Memorial Hospital—one man was shot in the arm and another in the leg—and a third man was grazed by a bullet in the arm. None of the injuries were life threatening.

Anyone with information is urged to contact Lawrence police at (785) 830-8430 or Douglas County dispatchers at (785) 832-7509. Callers who wish to remain anonymous are asked to call Crime Stoppers, (785) 843-TIPS.

*...Police don't have a suspect yet, but considering it was The Hawk, the shooter probably wasn't of age either. Concerned the Lawrence City Commission may attempt to shut them down in a similar fashion to the now defunct night club, Last Call, owners of The Hawk reassured the community that they're still a painfully Caucasian establishment. "'Student ghetto' is just a term of endearment, we swear," pleaded one of the owners. "It's whiter than Amy Winehouse's nostril down here, honestly!"

And in another unfortunate irony, an actual Irish car bomb detonated in front of the bar. A really drunk dude at the scene described the incident as follows:

*...based on actual news


Reaper2K 11 years, 2 months ago

There's a fine line between edgy and tasteless. See that line? You crossed it.

ScottD 11 years, 2 months ago

Seriously? Seriously. Three people get shot in your hometown at a bar and this is how you report it, Lawrence.com? With a terrible "shots" pun? Do you understand that these are people? And that they were shot? Do these things register in your mind?

This isn't cutting edge. This isn't funny. This isn't journalism. This is a terrible, tasteless joke that has no place on your site.

Phil, is this seriously what you want on your site? Awful, disrespectful blogging? Lawrence.com used to be a great resource for local shows, great restaurants and fantastic art. It was on the cutting edge, letting people in town know what was happening that they might not know about.

What is it now? A bullshit blogger hub? A wannabe local Perez Hilton?

You guys really dropped the ball here. Mr. Laessig should be let go for this tasteless and offensive joke, and you should really consider hiring an editor to make sure your site's content stays on track with what Lawrence.com should be: a great local resource for Lawrence residents.

toodarnloud 11 years, 2 months ago

The Lawrence Journal World is for news. Lawrence.com is for local entertainment news and entertainment.

I thought this was funny. The punny headline made me click the link. Now I know to drink inside The Hawk.

rocinante 11 years, 2 months ago

@Reaper2K and @ScottD - No one died. Haven't you ever heard of comic relief?

ScottD 11 years, 2 months ago

If Lawrence.com is for local entertainment news, they should stick to reporting that kind of news and leave the serious stories (i.e. shootings) to the real journalists at the LJW.

And making fun of people that had to go the hospital is not funny. It is tasteless and despicable.

rocinante 11 years, 2 months ago

Joseph Abdullah Muhammad, sounds like a terrorist. I blame the Democrats.

ScottD 11 years, 2 months ago


I'm sorry. I didn't realize that shootings were only serious if someone dies. If they're just shot and have to go the hospital, it's not a big deal, right? Everyone gets to laugh at that. My bad.

rocinante 11 years, 2 months ago

@ScottD - Did you laugh when Dick Chenny shot his fellow hunter in the face? I did. Killing, not funny. No fatality drive-by in student ghetto, fair game. Hasn't Demetri Martin taught you anything?

Reaper2K 11 years, 2 months ago

Wow. I never thought I'd hear an editor say that being shot in the arm or leg is justifiable fodder for lame humor. Your bosses at The World Company are no doubt proud.

ScottD 11 years, 2 months ago

Thanks for responding, Phil. I suppose we'll just have to agree to disagree on this point. While I tend to think that shootings, fatal or not, are not anything to laugh at, it is, at the end of the day your call as to what goes on your site.

I guess I had just hoped for some more intelligent content from your site, instead of simple puns at the expense of other people's injuries. You've got a great resource of fresh young minds at your disposal in Lawrence. It's a wonderful town of up-and-coming intelligent writers. You should be making waves, not splashing in the kiddie pool.

Shelby 11 years, 2 months ago

ScottD -

There are far bigger fish to fry, man.

Gavon's got some edgier stuff, even!

gaptoothgrin 11 years, 2 months ago

I don't think it's fair to think of lawrence.com as a lesser resource because of one article represented on it. I do think we can discuss the merit of this article and the decisions that led to posting it. I hate to use absolutes...but this article isn't funny, it tries like demetri martin (@rocinante) and it is fairly inarticulate like demetri martin. This isn't a case of people not getting it like stephen colbert's satire, this is banal. We don't know why this shooting happened or who it happened to...i used to live behind the hawk...we don't know anything but the fact that 3 people got shot in our community, and we live in too small a town to joke about it. Are you implying you deserve to get shot if you go to the hawk? Not funny...making fun of a victim...funny making fun of a sorority girl that slips on ice wearing high heels.

alm77 11 years, 2 months ago

"Are you implying you deserve to get shot if you go to the hawk? " That's rather accusatory. If you really want to break it down, actually read the comedic attempt. He was calling attention to the absurdity of likening The Hawk to Last Call (which if you read the accompanying article, you would see how quickly commenters did just that) while simultaneously addressing the racial fear that some claim was the actual motivation for closing Last Call. Nowhere did Mr. Laessig "make fun" of the victims. It was more of a comment on the community's perception and reaction to a drive-by by a black man.

gaptoothgrin 11 years, 2 months ago

it's not an accusation, it's a hyperbole. i was suggesting that the article isn't clear enough in it's use of humor to distinguish a meaningful implication. whether you read the accompanying article or not (which i did) i still have a hard time understanding why what sounds like a headline from the onion..."Shots fired at local bar, several wounded, still a more pleasant experience than Jägerbombs." is an insightful jab at people's judgmental attitudes towards establishments patronized by african americans. the accompanying article didn't mention the race of anyone when it was posted...and the assailant wasn't known when Mr. Laessig posted his article. am i thick? is this a clever misdirection with a twist of noble irony?

rocinante 11 years, 2 months ago

'The Hawk reassured the community that they're still a painfully Caucasian establishment. "'Student ghetto' is just a term of endearment, we swear," pleaded one of the owners. "It's whiter than Amy Winehouse's nostril down here, honestly!"'

Dudes, if that doesn't make you laugh... well... I don't know. Maybe we should dismount our moral high horse and stop trying to be knight errants.

alm77 11 years, 2 months ago

gap, so your complaint is the tagline? You've obviously never done Jägerbombs. ;)

rocinante, exactly. I laughed until I cried, which is why I'm so quick to jump in here. It was funny. It is funny.

gaptoothgrin 11 years, 2 months ago

if you want to see seemingly callous yet thoughtful humor...watch Wonder Showzen or read the Onion, although not always satirical they have layers (no pun intended). i don't mean to offend your interests but i don't think demetri martin's new show is funny just like i don't think talladaga ice was funny (the one about the ice skating race car driver). in my opinion these attempts at being humorous fall short...they announce themselves boldly as comedic, and then they proceed to be simple and obvious. i however post to this blog in vain because as we all know, no matter how hard we try...'there's no accounting for taste.' i just happen to think this article is as complex in its use of wit as basic scatological humor.

frisbeenation 11 years, 2 months ago

Yea, I get shot in the arms and legs like every weekend... no big deal.

md_pinks 11 years, 2 months ago

I work at a bar currently and nothing about this article made me laugh. Idiots go to every bar in this town and make stupid decisions. Now they're shooting people at random!?

Would you be able to make such a "hilarious" report if Phil gets blasted by one of these idiots for no reason, fatal or not? I would hope not.

It's not something to joke about. Period.

As for the comment about Last Call...that place got shut down because people are afraid of getting shot at. Patrons had AK's and shotguns just sitting in the backseats of their cars! The police were afraid to go there just to stakeout...doubt they feel that way about The Hawk

The gunner at The Hawk probably never even went to the bar at all. No reason for them to get shut down over one person's bad decisions. However if it happened again, there would be reason to question weather its safe for the community to keep it operational.

April Fleming 11 years, 2 months ago

I usually order my Gavons tasteless but funny.

pistachio 11 years, 2 months ago

I think Gavon would be offended by the suggestion that he writes "articles".

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