Save & Splurge: Sara Langford

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Sara Langford

Sara Langford, comedian, illegal music downloader, doesn't really condone pretending you have cancer to avoid bills

How do you save money?

"I'm actually really bad at saving money, but when I have to I—I—can't think of anything. God, I'm terrible at saving money. I guess when I go to the grocery store I buy anything that's $1. For example, the Swanson's pot pie—turkey all the way. Eggs and potatoes are the ultimate cheap food. Also, generic pancake mix. You don't have to invest in the milk, eggs and oil—just add f*cking water. Another simple thing is I try not drive very much. Oh, and I'll only buy clothing if it's under $25. I got this coat for $15 at Old Navy. And, oh my God, the McDonald's Dollar Menu. The McChicken sandwich? Filling and only a $1. Unfortunately, because cheese is too expensive, the Double Cheeseburger is no longer on the Dollar Menu. It's been replaced with the McDouble, which is just a plain double hamburger. I'm a little saddened by that. The cheapest thing I probably do is not paying old bills. I'll wait until my utilities are shut off. Fortunately, thanks to legal intervention, my paycheck is automatically garnished. Now I don't even have to worry about it. You get a summons to go to court, but if you're flaky like me, you'll miss your court date and just get a notice from payroll. If you want to avoid paying bills, always call the company and make shit up. They don't know you don't have children. They don't know that you're not in the hospital. They don't know that you haven't died. Cancer is a good disease to pretend to have. They won't pry because it's a privacy thing. I could have ball cancer for all they know."

How do you splurge?

"Shoes."

Comments

Ed Parker 10 years, 7 months ago

Wow that is one cold, ruthless bitch. You've gotta be pretty desperate to fake cancer. Then again, I've trained my children to pick pockets on Mass Street, so I guess we all make choices...

Dan Alexander 10 years, 7 months ago

Oh Sarah, ever since I quit Lawrence Freenet, I miss getting to call you about shutting you off. I do pretty vividly recall your voicemail...something about Chinese food. The good ol' days.

agrabass 10 years, 7 months ago

...its nice to know I am not alone in how I structure my life...Reading that was like looking in the mirror! Very funny stuff. I also return things without the receipt, and tell them it was a gift for a relative who died the day before their (say a #) birthday. Sometimes I even cry, and they give me $ back just to get me out of the store.

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