Friday, October 30, 2009
My costume just arrived in the mail today. It was handmade in Communist China by Communist Chinamen who probably don’t even celebrate THE ONLY HOLIDAY THAT MATTERS. It is for these poor souls who have been deprived their freedom that I wear this costume (but please don’t stop making my sneakers for slave wages, Communist Chinamen!). This is going to be the best THE ONLY HOLIDAY THAT MATTERS ever! Me and Neil Young are going to keep on getting drunk and dressing up like idiots in the free world!
We all know what’s supposed to be scary…ghosts, vampires, gay marriage, etc. But the scariest scares are those scares that come from those ostensibly non-scary things. Hipsters would call them “ironic scares,” then those hipsters would be offended that you called them hipsters and demand you stop persecuting their fragile subculture with thought crimes.
Here now is a clutch of the unintentionally terrifying. They're the symbols of childhood and innocence that have been distilled into nightmare sauce by popular culture. Enjoy!