Lawrence.com

Today is a sacred day when we remember Jesus defeating the British with only his pumpkin and a bag of candy. Or something. I don’t know, I’m not a historian. I’ve also been drinking riot punch since dawn, so I’m not even sure if I’m really typing this right now.

All I really know is that it’s THE ONLY HOLIDAY THAT MATTERS!

We’ve made it! In our own, perverted version of the 12 Days of Christmas, we’ve had Puppies A-Leaping (off a bridge from humiliation), Models A-Milking (the attention they’re getting from wearing awesome costumes), Pumpkins Drumming (up anticipation for TOHTM), Ray Parker Jr. Piping (his hit “Ghostbusters” theme for a French Batman), Audiences A-Laying (brown eggs because they’re scared witless), Turtle Doves (have nothing to do with ghost stories), You Guys A-Swimming (in your own fluids after watching unintentionally scary things), and Tombstones In A Pear Tree (how did they get up there?).

To close out our week of spooktacular, terroriffic, scare-a-donculous Daily Doses, here’s the Pumpkin Dance. This originally aired in 2006 on a local Omaha newscast. It has since become a TOHTM tradition. Pass it along to your grandchildren when the time comes…they’ll appreciate it more than the recessive albinism you passed along to them. I’ve also thrown in some remixes and resurrections. (Hat tip to Christa!)

HAPPY THE ONLY HOLIDAY THAT MATTERS!

Pumpkin Dance

"I’m A Flirt" Remix

Valentine’s Day

Christmas