Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Canada, contrary to popular opinion, is the sports nexus of the world. Sorry, ESPN Zone…you and your delicious combination of jalapeno poppers and overpriced polo shirts have been demoted.
Vancouver has its Olympics, but more importantly to the athletic prestige of Canada (or “Beaveria” as I call it), Edmonton, Alberta recently set the record for World’s Biggest Dodgeball Game. 1,200 players at the University of Alberta, divided into two teams of 600, took rubber ball to hand on February 5th and wailed the gravy off of each others’ fries.
Sidebar: Have you had the poutine fires at Dempsey’s? You’ll moan “Oh, Canada” in religious ecstasy and with a slight French accent.
It’s a fine accomplishment and everything, but it’s not as exciting as curling. You think I’m joking, but I am absolutely not joking. Curling, like John Mayer having sex with Jessica Simpson, is sexual napalm.