Monday, February 22, 2010
I’m totally gay for the Olympics. I want to take the Olympics to Iowa and get married to them, that’s how pure is my commitment to them. I want to adopt tiny little athletic events with my new life partner and start a jam making business out in the country. Why does society frown on my love for quadrennial multi-national sporting competitions?
Politics aside, that’s why I was so excited to find a collection of skate faces from the Vancouver Olympics over at Buzzfeed (hat tip to Christa!). Skate face, if you’re not aware, is the awkward contortion of a figure skater’s face as the g-forces of their routine wreak havoc on their mug. It’s like an orgasm, a fart and a bass solo wrapped into one. Remember the scene in “The Right Stuff” when the astronauts are being trained to withstand to the rigors of escaping our surly bonds by being hurled around in a giant centrifuge? It’s that but with sequins.
The Buzzfeed piece was great, but a lot of the images were marred by watermarks. Thanks to our convenient parasitic relationship with the Lawrence Journal World, we have access to much cleaner Associated Press photos, so I just assembled my own skate face gallery. Enjoy! (All photos from AP)
And here's American Gold Medalist Evan Lysacek. Even the world's most graceful Olympian is subject to the spastic effects of skate face.
While Lysacek won gold for his flawless routine, I think it can credibly be argued that runner up Evgeni Plushenko deserves gold for his painful range of skate faces. Beware his mullet tornado.
As a special treat, I've also thrown in Couple's Skate Face. Note how their grimaces are perfectly synchronized. It gives Dick Button the vapors.
And in a league all their own, here's Russia's Oksana Domnina and Maxim Shabalin. They for some reason thought it was a good idea to dress up in flesh toned body suits and mimic Australian aborigines. It did not go over well with the indigenous peoples of Austrailia. You be the judge, but imagine if a Caucasian team had dressed up in headdresses and pretended to scalp each other with rubber tomahawks. Would the Native American community would be throwing roses or bricks?