Net Worth: Wife shares husband’s sleep-talkin’ orations in popular blog

I snore.

I have for quite some time, but it didn’t become an issue until I got “married.” (I put the word in quotes to imply the problem really began when my lady friend and I moved in together — a whopping nine years before we actually tied the knot.)

But don’t expect my wife to start blogging about my grating nighttime habit. No, we’ve already seen how invasive that prospect has become, thanks to Sleep Talkin’ Man.

This latest blog to enter the public consciousness involves a woman who has exploited her not-exactly-conscious spouse in a unique way.

“My mild-mannered English husband Adam lives quite a colorful existence in his dreams,” Karen Lennard explains on her site. “Having benefited from hours of delight at his dead-of-night musings, I thought it only fair to share them with the world.”

In September, she debuted Sleep Talkin’ Man, utilizing simple transcriptions of his amusing ramblings:

• “You can’t be a pirate if you haven’t got a beard. I said so. My boat, my rules.”

• “Badger tickling: proceed with caution.”

• “I think you should sit down. Surely your ankles can’t take the weight.”

• “Vampire penguins? Zombie guinea pigs? We’re done for ... done for.”

Now, thanks to a voice-activated microphone in their bedroom, Karen incorporates audio clips on the site of Adam spouting his remarks. These are made all the more deliciously wacky thanks to his very proper English accent and creative use of profanity.

Is this whole enterprise a sham? Possibly.

But there’s a purity to the non-sequitur phrasing and dream logic that at least appears genuine. How else to explain a line such as, “Yes, I can get away with wearing leather chaps. Just not on a windy day.”

Apparently, talking in one’s sleep is a form of parasomnia termed somniloquy. Although very common among children, it is usually a phase that disappears after puberty. Only about 4 percent of adults consistently talk in their sleep.

So far the Lennards have only capitalized on this condition by selling T-shirts on their site. (The signature catchphrase on the merchandise is Adam’s great edict, “Don’t leave the duck there. It’s totally irresponsible. Put it on the swing, it’ll have much more fun.”)

But don’t rule them out in future pop-culture endeavors. After all, if Hollywood can make a successful movie from a blog about cooking Julia Child’s recipes, a sleep-talkin’ flick can’t be far behind.

— Entertainment editor Jon Niccum explores facets of pop culture that have established a unique niche on the Internet. He can be reached at 832-7178.