December 4, 2007
Condi Rice! Trent Lott! Phill Kline! Rudy Giuliani! Evel Knievel! It's a who's who of the damned for this week's Actual News!
Plus a lot of stuff about Lawrence:
Top 20 Other Places the Lawrence City Commission Wants to Shut Down
1. Bourgeois Pig (too pinko)
2. International House of Pancakes (too global)
3. African Adorned (too African)
4. Replay Lounge (too sodomite)
5. Tres Mexicanos (three mexicans too many)
6. Goodwill (too poor)
7. Red Lyon Tavern (too Irish)
8. Paddy O'Quigley's (way too Irish)
9. Granada (too...Granada-y)
10. Super Target (too often pronounced with French accent)
11. Mediterranean Market (too Greek)
12. It's Brother's! (too greek)
13. Free State Brewery (too abolitionist)
14. Pieroguys (too wherever-the-hell-pierogies-come-from)
15. The Hookah Bar (too Islamofascist)
16. The Merc (too white people with dreadlocks)
17. Schlotzky's Deli (too potentially Jewish)
18. Liquid Tan (too brown)
19. The Bottleneck (too close to Last Call...blackness may be contagious)
20. Ethics panel investigating Lawrence City Commission (too ethical)
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