"Excuse me, but I think your kid needs therapy . . ."
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Not exactly how you want to start out a conversation with your neighbors, is it? But I’m going to have to figure out some way to explain to them why I won’t allow my daughter to play with their five kids any more.
Really, it’s just the one, the four-year-old boy.
I hate to admit this, but I have never liked the kid. He frightens me. Actually, he makes me want to adopt him and then spank the ever-loving crap out of him five times a day for the next year or so until he straightens up, because heaven knows, when I lay down a rule or forbid him to do something and he looks up at me with that malicious twinkle in his eyes and little smirk on his mouth that says, “stupid bitch, you actually think you can tell me what to do”, I want to slap him. I’m not proud of this, and I’m not a fan of the “violence solves everything” school of parenting, but I don’t tolerate blatant disrespect from creatures small enough to be an afternoon snack for a medium-sized python. It’s just not the natural order of things.
But the problem right now isn’t the fact that he’s got a future of juvie written all over his smirking little mug, or that when he demands that I fetch him a drink from the house and I cheerfully reply, “What’s the magic word?”, he responds with, “God, it’s just water.” It’s his obsession with cutting people up into pieces. That’s the only game he plays, from what I can tell, and most certainly when my three-year-old daughter is playing with him. He grabs a stick, a garden trowel, a hoe, whatever’s handy, then corners her while swinging his “knife”, as he calls it, closer and closer, screech-growling that he’s going to cut her up into pieces. It’s about all I’ve ever heard him actually say out loud, as he’s completely silent when not threatening her or his siblings with butchery, so I don’t know if this is his only tone of voice, or one he reserves for his little games of junior-slasher.
But you know, I’ve never raised boys, I wasn’t even raised around them. My husband, who was once a boy himself, agrees with me that this isn’t normal, but I tried not to take it too seriously. My kid has to learn how to deal with other children, even when they frighten her. I will not have her be socially retarded like I was, thinking that children are just small adults and will act accordingly, and believing that Authority will always step in to make sure everbody's nice and plays fair.
But the past few days, my daughter, normally as rough-and-tumble as they come, has been getting hysterical at the sight of old bruises and scrapes on her arms and legs. Like, inconsolably upset. Putting her to bed for a nap sometimes, she’ll say, “Mommy, I don’t want to get cut up into little pieces.” Clearly, this is not a somewhat-morbid child’s game, it has crossed over the border into Deeply Disturbing Land.
So I’ve decided she’s not playing over there any more, and they’re not allowed in our yard. Now the only problem is how to tell his parents *why*. “Sorry, but I don’t want my daughter playing with a kid who’s only about two years and a misplaced hunting knife away from mutilating neighborhood pets” doesn’t seem the most tactful route. And my own experience with bullies and actual psychopaths makes me reluctant to let them know how deeply disturbed by these “play” sessions my child is becoming; you don’t hand the enemy a list of your weaknesses, you know? My interactions with the father have led me to believe that any conversation I have with him will be related to the child with great amusement.
We’ve had problems in the past with this little psycho-in-training trying to get into our house via back door without knocking or otherwise announcing his presence. My husband and I made it very clear, in a manner that would frighten or at least shame any other child, that we don’t allow people, ANY people, to come into our yard without invitation. Since then, I’ve looked out the window on many occasions to see him sitting on our fence, just staring at the house.
Smiling a little.
Seriously, this kid creeps me the hell out.
Lawrence.com blogs are collections of short, frequently updated posts by members of the Lawrence community. Blog writers, and comment posters, are solely responsible for what they say. (Please take the time to read our full policy.)
If you're interested in writing a blog on lawrence.com, send us a couple of sample entries.
Lymbyc Systym / This Will Destroy You / Black Christmas :: Though generally lumped in with the electronica scene, this duo's appeal extends far beyond bloopy sequencing as laptop post-rock generators ... More info
Comments
lawrence.com does not necessarily agree with comments posted below - responsibility lies with the relevant user alone. Read our full policy
Posted by wbabbit (Will Babbit) on May 18, 2008 at 10:22 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Just reading that creeped me out...
Posted by mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) on May 18, 2008 at 11:02 p.m.
(This comment was removed by the site staff.)
Posted by DOTDOT (anonymous) on May 18, 2008 at 11:13 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I got a similar situation brewing over here. Not quite as creepy, but I was going to ask your advice.
Never mind.
Posted by El_Borak (Bill Hoyt) on May 18, 2008 at 11:42 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I guess now you know why the previous inhabitants of your house moved out in the middle of the night like that.
Posted by mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) on May 19, 2008 at 12:04 a.m. (Suggest removal)
DotDot---Well, over at Imperfect Parent, most of the advice I've been getting is to contact someone at the boy's school. Yeeeaaahhh . . . I can just imagine calling up his kindergarten teacher, "Hi, I'm this kid's neighbor, and I think he's going to end up strangling hookers next to the highway someday." I know, I know, it should be more like, "This kid plays some seriously disturbing games, saying he wants to cut his peers up into little pieces," and she'd be all like, "Lady, he just watched Pirates of the Caribbean too many times. I got a kid in here who's mom does webcam porno, you wanna guess what kind of shit I've got to break up on the playground, here?"
Thing is, he went through Head Start last year, and last I heard, they were supposed to keep an eye out for problems that needed screening, or some shit like that. The cynic in me thinks that this behavior isn't quite abnormal enough, today, to garner the attention that in needs. Which makes me want to build a freaking compound, already.
Posted by mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) on May 19, 2008 at 12:18 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Yeah, I saw that glaring grammatical error. Forgive me, it's been a long night.
Posted by DOTDOT (anonymous) on May 19, 2008 at 8:23 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Remind me to tell you the walkie-talkie story someday.
In a creative defensive maneuver, we sold our second car and bought a boat. At least that will keep them isolated with the family for a few hours each weekend in kind of a cool entertaining sort of way.
Posted by duplenty (anonymous) on May 19, 2008 at 9:39 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Far be it from me to offer you any advice, but do you think that blogging about this situation is all that wise?
I mean, ostensibly your neighbors know your name; you're one google search away from having to explain to this kids parents why it is you thought it was a good idea to bring this to the attention of everyone in the world with an internet connection.
If you have serious concerns about this childs safety or that of your own children, get help from authorities. Not necessarily the police or SRS, but seriously - this doesn't seem to be a laughing matter.
Posted by mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) on May 19, 2008 at 10:11 a.m. (Suggest removal)
duplenty--you have a good point, but as a long-time blogger, this is something I've thought about before. I blog about my life, my kid's life, the people we interact with---that just comes with the territory. This is why I don't use any identifiers---it would certainly be different if I were writing, "John Smith, who lives next-door to my house on 1313 Mockingbird Lane, is a psycho". Also, the parents in question don't know our last name, nor we theirs---I'm not even sure they know my first name, to be honest, as their kids insist on calling me either Christy or, for some reason, Sahara.
I'm coming to realize, though, that this is a little more serious than I thought. I honestly thought that I was over-reacting a little, but I'm getting a lot of confirmation that my concerns are well-founded.
Posted by duplenty (anonymous) on May 19, 2008 at 10:43 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Not to be maudlin about this, but when it comes to the safety of children (yours or theirs), one cannot be to careful.
Good luck.
Posted by OtherJoel (anonymous) on May 19, 2008 at 11:52 a.m. (Suggest removal)
That is not normal little boy behavior. Occasional hitting, sure. Chasing and threatening to cut another kid with garden equipment? No. Something's not right. I would probably draw the same conclusions as you, Misty.
I don't really like to hop on the 'blame the parent for everything' bandwagon, but after four years here, it kind of feels like Johnson County is a breeding ground for little sociopaths. Just go to any Target on a Saturday for dozens of examples.
There are far too many parents who don't know how to say no to their kids, and thanks to the affluence of many of these families, they can technically afford to accomodate them. I don't know if this is a cause, but it would make sense that a spoiled kid who gets everything he wants would manifest some disturbing symptoms if no one ever sets boundaries for them. Don't know if that's actually the case here, but it wouldn't surprise me.
Posted by alm77 (anonymous) on May 19, 2008 at 12:19 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Oh, more detail. Yeah, that advice I gave you earlier, that's not gonna work on this guy. Build a bigger fence. With a lock. 10 feet dog-eared privacy fence should do the trick. And get a dog. One that's really protective of your little darling. Might want to put in some motion detecting flood lights and a call into ADT while you're at it. This isn't a kid you should try to interact with anymore. At all. Especially if your girl is so scared of him. She needs to feel safe in her own back yard. Buy her her own swing set and sandbox and forget the kids next door.
Posted by El_Borak (Bill Hoyt) on May 19, 2008 at 12:48 p.m. (Suggest removal)
OJ: concur. There's nothing worse than a family where a 5-year-old is in charge.
May I suggest a chow mix? They are protective as hell of 'their' little kids and don't mind reminding anyone else of that. Plus they are perfectly happy with a world 500' square.
Posted by mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) on May 19, 2008 at 12:58 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I've actually been thinking some kind of mutt with heavy Australian Shepherd lines. Medium-sized, no major health issues, no breed history of going berserk and eating children, protective as hell, and very attached to *their* people. Plus, herding breeds love little kids, they get to . . . well, *herd* them.
Also, it's really nice to have a mellow, laid-back husband who can be scary as fuck when he has to be. The next time the little brat is hanging around on our fence giving us the evil eye, Trey's planning on going out to have a nice, quiet little talk with him that should give him nightmares about ever setting foot on our property again.
Posted by duplenty (anonymous) on May 19, 2008 at 1:25 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Um, again, I feel a bit unsettled when I am the supposed voice of reason, but the first time this kid goes home and tells mom and dad about the "nightmare talk" that your husband might be giving him, and you're looking at a shitload more problems.
You need to think this through a bit more, IMHO.
Posted by mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) on May 19, 2008 at 1:36 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I was being a bit hyperbolic on that one ;) Sometimes, I think the reason we get so much of the staring treatment is because a family where rules are laid down and then enforced is so very, very novel to this child. We're like an alternate dimension, right across the fence.
Posted by DOTDOT (anonymous) on May 19, 2008 at 7:19 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Getting a dog would justify electrifying the fence. Two stones, one bird. Don't forget video. And Youtube. YAAAAhahahahahaha.
Posted by mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) on May 19, 2008 at 8:22 p.m. (Suggest removal)
DotDot, this is why I heart you so :)
Posted by Dazie (Aileen Dingus) on May 19, 2008 at 8:33 p.m. (Suggest removal)
ooo- definitely a dog. I 2nd the Aussie mix, we had a mutt that we think had Aussie in her (along with Border Collie and/or Akita) and she nearly took out the kids' own grandfather when she thought he was a threat. 99% of the time she was sweet as pie. The other 1% we had a wolf living in the house.
Posted by Shelby (anonymous) on May 20, 2008 at 11:06 a.m. (Suggest removal)
yeah, my pops has a blue healer and the dog is like a prison guard when it comes to my dad or the little chihuahua or the chickens.
Posted by clayhill70 (anonymous) on May 20, 2008 at 11:13 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Your kid, your yard. If the parents question it, level with them.
I hear llamas are very protective. Good luck.
Posted by godjilla (Jill Ensley) on May 21, 2008 at 1:02 a.m. (Suggest removal)
I second most of the above comments. Clearly this is one disturbed spawn and distancing yourselves, as well as getting a dog, seems the way to go. Just keep tabs on the pooch...know what I'm sayin'.
Posted by beatle919 (Marcy McGuffie) on May 21, 2008 at 1:53 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Reminds me (a bit) of when I did a stint as a Summer school para for special needs preschoolers. There were these identical twins - 4 or 5 years old - who the teacher genuinely believed would be diagnosed as sociopaths (if not pyschopaths) someday. I only had to deal with one of the boys - they were split up in different classes. The teacher said the parents of the boys had two other kids who were completely normal.
I got chills when this kid was playing nice one day, only to randomly say to me: "I'm going to kill you." My only fear being that someday the little shit was going to hunt me down when he was older and bigger (ok - I didn't really fear that, but it was eerie). He had a peculiar look in his eyes.
He hit me once too...didn't hurt at all, but was friggin' annoying. You had to watch him like a hawk around the other kids who had physical and or mental developmental problems.
But, the creepiest may have been when he was smashing bugs outside and I stopped him. He threw a major tantrum because he was enjoying himself so much. Fun times...
Yeah, keep your girl away from that kid. If confronted by the neighbors, be honest...just don't be too "brutal" when you're talking about their pride and joy!
Posted by smerdyakov (anonymous) on May 21, 2008 at 3:34 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Thought of you when I stumbled across Dr. Phil's Brat House (?) show last night. Until I saw that I don't think I fully appreciated how jacked up kids can be. And how worthless parents can be. Wow. That Dr. Phil, though, he's pretty freakin sweet. And Super Nanny—also awesome. Love seeing shows that are both entertaining /and/ practical, potentially helpful, etc.
Posted by ladylaw (Terry Bush) on May 21, 2008 at 8:54 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Seriously. Keep your baby away from this kid. Period. Talk to his parents if you think it will do any good for you or him (it probably won't). And call the cops or SRS if you think they can do anything to help or you need to lodge a complaint. A kid that is 4 years old who regularly shows up at you house without any adult supervision is per se being neglected. But no matter what else, keep your baby away from him and anyone who threatens to harm her and can carry it off. I'm not in favor of over-reacting or being overly protective. But he's older and bigger then she is. No sense in deliberately taking chances!
Posted by ladylaw (Terry Bush) on May 21, 2008 at 8:57 p.m. (Suggest removal)
AND if the parents want to know why your child can't play with theirs any longer, or vice versa, the answer is to tell the truth - "Your 4 year old has threatened to cut her up so many times that she is seriously afraid of him, and while I am not an overprotective parent, I do not see any reason to subject her to that level of violence." They can think you are odd or a wuss all they want. It does not matter what they think.
Posted by Snoop (anonymous) on May 21, 2008 at 9:35 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I’d videotape the little bastard. THEN I would have a conversation with the parents on the little dick. Communication is the key. If they turn out to be white trash or Hood Figgas, then I threaten to turn the tapes over to SRS! Then if they act all jacked up about that then I threaten to put the tapes on You Tube!
Communication is the key!
Posted by alm77 (anonymous) on May 22, 2008 at 10:04 a.m. (Suggest removal)
YouTube! YouTube!
Post a comment
(Requires free lawrence.com registration.)