Last night I attended the coming out ball at club Liquid. I have often enjoyed a night of dancing at club Liquid on Wednesday nights as I enjoy the atmosphere of the alternative night and have a great number of friends who attend. However, last night was not as pleasant as usual.
The situation which marred my evening began with a woman telling me that I'm attractive. This type of occurrence isn't exactly a rarity so I simply mumbled some awkward thanks and went on my way. Later, another woman, a friend of the first repeated the compliment also stating that it was she who had sent her friend to talk to me initially. I attempted to remain polite but also, bluntly stated that I did not appreciate being complimented for my looks. Moments later the same woman approached me again asking how one goes about getting to know me, and again, bluntness led me to honestly inform the woman that I'm not really looking to get to know anyone new.
I went on to continue my evening dancing with friends and enjoying myself. Later, while a friend of mine was purchasing shots the waitress informed me that "people were upset" and felt that I had negatively impacted the atmosphere because I had offended the cousin of the owner. She went on to suggest that I apologize. Instead, I chose to leave the establishment.
I spent the remainder of my evening quite upset. Since when is it offensive for someone to turn down another person's advances? Why should I have to justify my choice to politely decline another person's romantic interest?
What disturbs me the most about this situation is the fact that I go dancing at Liquid on Wednesday nights to avoid the typical aggressive sexual overtures made towards me by heterosexual men at other clubs. Heterosexual men often react very negatively towards women who are not receptive to their advances. I expect a more feminist reaction from the lesbian community.
For the gay community to advocate equal rights they also need to oppose other gender related forms of oppression.
It is oppressive to assume that a woman wants to be objectified and complimented for her physical appearance. It is oppressive to make a woman feel guilty because she is not receptive to all the advances made upon her. It is this oppressive mentality that makes young women today measure their self worth by their ability to get sexual attention.
This mentality also makes women feel guilty for saying no. No means no regardless of if it's being said in response to an invitation to sex or to getting to know someone better. Just because I am single does not mean that I am simply waiting to be attained by the first interested party.
I certainly will not be frequenting club Liquid again any time soon.
Liquid
Last night I attended the coming out ball at club Liquid. I have often enjoyed a night of dancing at club Liquid on Wednesday nights as I enjoy the atmosphere of the alternative night and have a great number of friends who attend. However, last night was not as pleasant as usual.
The situation which marred my evening began with a woman telling me that I'm attractive. This type of occurrence isn't exactly a rarity so I simply mumbled some awkward thanks and went on my way. Later, another woman, a friend of the first repeated the compliment also stating that it was she who had sent her friend to talk to me initially. I attempted to remain polite but also, bluntly stated that I did not appreciate being complimented for my looks. Moments later the same woman approached me again asking how one goes about getting to know me, and again, bluntness led me to honestly inform the woman that I'm not really looking to get to know anyone new.
I went on to continue my evening dancing with friends and enjoying myself. Later, while a friend of mine was purchasing shots the waitress informed me that "people were upset" and felt that I had negatively impacted the atmosphere because I had offended the cousin of the owner. She went on to suggest that I apologize. Instead, I chose to leave the establishment.
I spent the remainder of my evening quite upset. Since when is it offensive for someone to turn down another person's advances? Why should I have to justify my choice to politely decline another person's romantic interest?
What disturbs me the most about this situation is the fact that I go dancing at Liquid on Wednesday nights to avoid the typical aggressive sexual overtures made towards me by heterosexual men at other clubs. Heterosexual men often react very negatively towards women who are not receptive to their advances. I expect a more feminist reaction from the lesbian community.
For the gay community to advocate equal rights they also need to oppose other gender related forms of oppression.
It is oppressive to assume that a woman wants to be objectified and complimented for her physical appearance. It is oppressive to make a woman feel guilty because she is not receptive to all the advances made upon her. It is this oppressive mentality that makes young women today measure their self worth by their ability to get sexual attention.
This mentality also makes women feel guilty for saying no. No means no regardless of if it's being said in response to an invitation to sex or to getting to know someone better. Just because I am single does not mean that I am simply waiting to be attained by the first interested party.
I certainly will not be frequenting club Liquid again any time soon.
October 12, 2006 at 10:27 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )