Motherhood, version 2.0
Five days after giving birth, I dropped my husband off at the airport and waved goodbye with our two small children. Our baby had arrived right on his due date, which put his birth during the week of our move from Hawaii back to "the mainland." While exciting, this meant that I would be spending a week alone, living in a hotel with two small children and dealing with the gritty details of the move. It's pretty tricky to figure out how you're going to do things like mail heavy boxes or ship a car with two little fireballs in tote, not to mention surviving a five hour plane ride -- or worse, surviving airport security checks.
But it can be done, as I discovered. While exhausting, it's all survivable, and life continues slowly.
Being back in the continental US has been quite amazing and I can honestly say that I haven't had this much fun in four years. Fruit is so fresh and bread doesn't go moldy after a week. The grocery store aisles and parking lot spaces are enormous. There are three Targets within 10 minutes of my house. There is a Sonic. Oh, and have I mentioned that shipping prices for internet shopping isn't ridiculous?
Amazing.
The one thing that is not different is the unsolicited parenting advice that I seem to acquire wherever I go. Maybe it's because I look young, or maybe I'm just not as good at juggling two children as I think I am, but I seem to attract the most obnoxious comments from do-gooders.
With my first child, I was constantly asked by strangers whether I breastfed or bottlefed. Did I use cloth diapers? Did I know that I needed to make sure he always had a shirt on? Did I know that if he felt hot, it was a good idea to take his temperature?
With baby #2, the comments are a little different, but no less ridiculous.
Recently, I left my older child at home with my husband while I ran some errands. In the checkout lane, baby started to fuss (not cry - fuss). While I know there is nothing more annoying to most people than someone's baby making noise in public, I was a credit card swipe from being finished with my shopping and leaving the store.
And then a helpful sales associate walked up to me and pointed to the baby.
"Your baby is crying."
...
I swiped my card, bounced the baby, and said "yes, he is fussing."
"Your baby is crying," she repeated, as if I had not heard the first time.
"Yeah, I know."
Urgently, the saleswoman said again, "your baby is crying. He's hungry. You need to feed him."
I smiled politely at the woman, grabbed my bag, and said, "thank you for that information," and walked out.
By the time I had walked the four feet to the door, my little bundle of wonderfulness had fallen asleep.
Hungry indeed.
Perhaps he simply takes after his grandfather and just doesn't like shopping.
Why Do Witches Burn?
Tonight we attended a Bible study at our church, during which time my 11 year old sister hung out with her friends and played a game.On the way home in the car, we asked what game they had played."You'll never believe it," Jaley said, exasperated. "It was the most boring game EVER: court.""Court?" My husband and I were both confused."Yeah. There was someone who was accused and someone was the judge and it was really boring. They accused one girl of being a witch."My husband laughed."Did they weigh her against a duck?"Jaley gave my husband an odd look before replying: "Yes. They did. pause How did you know? One kid had to be the duck and make quacking noises. It was really weird."I guess she'd never seen Monty Python before.
Out of Gas! Oh No!
Last week:[(CNN) -- Call it a self-fulfilling prophecy:][1] An estimated three-fourths of gas stations in the Nashville, Tennessee, area ran dry Friday, victim of an apparent rumor that the city was running out of gas. "Everybody has just gone nuts," said Mike Williams, executive director of the Tennessee Petroleum Council. He said he has no idea about the origin of a rumor that there was going to be no gas in Nashville. One reporter called him, saying she had heard that Nashville would be without gas within the hour, he said. Hearing the rumor, drivers rushed to fill their cars and trucks.This week:[(CNN) -- Gas shortages are afflicting drivers across the Southeast.][2] Some of the problems were caused by Hurricane Ike affecting oil production and refining along the Gulf Coast, but empty gas pumps also are being blamed on the consumers themselves.I got an internet forward the day before Nashville ran out of gas from "a reliable source." The email stated that the entire country was going to run out of gas and that we should all run to the gas stations before it happened. The email also said that gas prices were going to rise to $10/gallon. Since gas here has actually dropped to $4.12, I disregarded the email and went about my daily business.But then I saw that Nashville LITERALLY ran out of gas, and I have to wonder how such a rumor got started. Just a caring citizen who wanted to warn the rest of the world of impending doom? Someone who truly believed that logically, our gas supply would run out sooner or later, and probably sooner? There's nothing like a little gossip to create a crisis. [1]: http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/09/19/nashville.gas/index.html [2]: http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/09/26/gas.shortage.roundup/index.html
The Art of Online Nudity
As a teenager (which was as recently as two years ago), I remember MySpace growing in popularity. About the same time, many parents were becoming concerned with the growing number of teenage girls posting nude or partially nude photos of themselves on the internet. My grandmother would ask my parents if they controlled my internet activity and watched what sorts of things I was posting. She had seen on the news that a girl posted a naked picture online and was later kidnapped, and she was concerned for my well-being.As, apparently, she should have been.While I never posted any indecent pictures of myself online, it had less to do with my fear of being kidnapped and more to do with my fears of: 1) my father seeing it 2) creepy old men seeing it 3) someone from church seeing itBecause even in the most raunchy of stages, I realized that my actions now have consequences later - whether that be something as minor as being grounded, or something as major as losing a job.Tonight, with the posting of one picture, yet another relative of mine has joined the ranks of young women everywhere: she has posted an underwear picture on MySpace. While I shouldn't have been shocked, I was still slightly disappointed. I didn't even ask myself "didn't her parents raise her better than that?" or "What would Great-Aunt Josephine think if she could see this now?" I mostly just wondered if she had thought about any future consequences that this photo could hold.Theoretically, if you post such a picture on any sort of social networking site, the entire world can see it. There are enough hacker sites dedicated to viewing even the most "private" of MySpace and Facebook pictures, that it's just not a good idea to post anything you don't want your mom, your grandmother, or your priest seeing.But now, of course, there are entire news articles dedicated to warning young college students that posting raunchy pictures on MySpace could cost you a future job. I know several businesspersons (how's that for politically correct?) who, before interviewing a potential employee, always do a quick MySpace search for that person to see what sorts of pictures they've been posting. Chances are, if the girl's profile picture was taken in her bra with a beer in her left hand, she's probably not the best candidate for the position.But-but-but isn't that discrimination, based on something we don't even know about her? Maybe she just likes to have fun, and shouldn't a personal life stay personal?Sure, personal lives should be left at home when going in to work, but how many people actually do that? EVERYTHING at home affects your performance at work - whether it's showing up with a hangover because you were out drinking, or showing up exhausted and overtired because your infant was up crying all night. Posting naked or partially-nude pictures online is just another great way to get fired -or not hired- even if it is years down the road.Then again, maybe if we taught logic in our schools, we wouldn't have to blog about such silly things.
Have you heard?
It's on the news.It's on the blogs.It's on the message boards, and being discussed at church, at the grocery store, and on the bus.Sarah Palin's daughter is pregnant.And apparently, that makes Palin a bad mother and unable to handle the oh-so-challenging job of being Vice President.A close Canadian friend of mine pointed out that America is obsessed with the families of politicians. "After all," she said, "most Canadians can't tell you how many kids the Prime Minister has, much less what their names are."So this begs me to ask the question: is an almost-18-year-old being pregnant really that big of a deal? Especially when she's about to get married and move out on her own? I mean, is this really what we're hearing on the news? Are we so obsessed with other people's mistakes (and not even their mistakes - the mistakes of their children) that we can't let anything go?I understand that Palin has a strict opinion on premarital sex - it's wrong. And apparently the fact that her daughter went against that upbringing means Palin is a bad mother. Okay. What about all the pastor kids who have sex out of wedlock? We don't seem to label THEM as bad parents for the choices of their children. Would it be "less wrong" of Palin's daughter if she had gone ahead with an abortion so that nobody had to know? And is it Palin's fault that her daughter, who is basically an adult, made a decision that Palin disagrees with? And is a teenager having sex really worth being on the news?
Saving the World, One Dollar at a Time
The "Night of the Living Homeless" episode of South Park really hit home with me since Hawai'i has such a high homeless population.I spent my teenage years near Fort Scott, Kansas, and still remember the first time a homeless person came to our town. EVERYONE was talking about. People came into the restaurant I was working at and would ask "did you see the homeless guy? Apparently he's from Michigan."After spending much of the day begging next to the bank, a few cops picked the man up and brought him to a homeless shelter 30 miles away, and people slowly (or not-so-slowly) forgot about what they had seen.When I moved to Hawai'i, I was instantly greeted with homelessness everywhere I looked - and it's no surprise, really. The price of housing is ridiculous here, and most jobs don't pay extra to counter the high cost of living.There are "blue tent beaches" where the homeless literally live on the beach in blue tents because they can't afford housing. Even some people who have full time jobs will beg on the streets in the evenings because even with their full time salary, they cannot afford their rent or food for their families.So what's a person to do?I've heard too many mixed opinions on this to count, but there seem to be two main schools of thought: "Don't give money to homeless people because they'll just use it on drugs, or "Give money to homeless people because it's what Jesus would do."When I'm driving home from wherever I happened to have gone, and I see someone with a "Hungry, please help" sign, I tend to err on the side of "it's what Jesus would do, give the poor guy a hamburger."My church has a food bank program, as do many churches in the area. Low-income families can go in once a week or once a month and receive free groceries and financial counseling from the church. My church also gives out clothing and other household items that may be useful to those in need.But is this enough?As someone who makes more money, am I obligated to help those who are poorer than me? And if so, to what extent? Is it simply enough to give a dollar to a man in passing and tell him to "be well," or should I be doing something else, like offering him a place to stay or helping him find a job interview? What if I don't have the space in my home? How far should I go to help "get someone off the street"? And should I be helping more than one person off the street?Thoughts?
“I Want To Be One Less.”
Since I'm going to be spending a significant amount of time in Asia over the next few years, I figured it would be a good idea to get vaccinated for Hepatitis A. After all, I'd hate to order a salad somewhere in Beijing and end up diseased. That would make me a sad panda.So I headed over to the base clinic and asked to receive the shot.While there, the nurse asked me if I'd also like to receive the HPV vaccine."No."I knew the question would come up because the Air Force sends me a little orange postcard every month that says, "you have 30 days to come into the clinic and receive the HPV vaccine.""Well," the nurse told me, "you know, a lot of people think this vaccine is just for people who have sex but HPV can also be hereditary and transferred through skin to skin contact and can be affected by feminine hygiene."(Wait...so was he saying that if I don't clean myself thoroughly, I'll "get" HPV? What?)Over the course of the next five minutes, while receiving my HepA injection, I listened to this man ramble on about the dangers of HPV and how my genetics could have it in for me.I promised him I'd do some research (not bothering to address the fact that I did a 15 page research project on the Gardasil vaccine my last semester of college, or that I participated in a clinical research study on the link between HPV, cervical cancer, and who is most likely to contract either), and I went on my merry way.Now, my problem is not that doctors advocate the vaccine, but couldn't it be done without lying about my chances of getting HPV to begin with? Couldn't the nurse have just said "you get HPV from sexual contact and even though you're married, your husband is a soldier and could easily cheat on you and give you the disease"? Wouldn't it have been easier to accuse me of being married to someone unfaithful than to make up a story about how I could "catch" this from shaking someone's hand? (Hmm, I bet I could get AIDS from a toilet seat, too....)My own concerns lie with the facts that doctors are not sure [how long the vaccine provides immunity for][1], that the vaccine can cause [fainting][2], and that the entire marketing scheme of the vaccine is geared toward making people believe that they are suddenly "safe" from cancer.While HPV is responsible for about 70% of cervical cancers, it's still completely possible to develop cervical cancer WITHOUT contracting HPV. I'm not anti-vaccine in any way, but I am anti-propaganda or scaring people into getting vaccinated for something they aren't at risk for because Americans are terrified of the word "cancer."I'm also curious to find out what, if any, long term effects result from this vaccine. Kinda' like when we gave out the Oral Polio vaccine until we realized that - oops! - we were actually GIVING people Polio. Or ten years after the introduction of the Varicella vaccine that - oops! - the shot could increase your risk of developing [Shingles][3] as an adult. Then again, maybe I'm just hesitant about this vaccine because the entire marketing slogan - "One Less" - is grammatically incorrect and should be "One Fewer." [1]: http://healthlink.mcw.edu/article/1031002743.html [2]: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/63651.php [3]: http://www.vaccinationnews.com/DailyNews/May2002/VarVaxIncrShingElder.htm
The Battle of the Mothers
It truly is amazing how "big of a deal" it is to people whether a woman chooses to stay home with her children or go off to work, regardless of how much choice a woman truly holds over the entire ordeal.I'm now out of college, and a well-meaning relative recently pulled me aside to let me know how he felt about my plans to "waste" my degree by staying home with my son. Apparently, after spending all of $16k on my B.A., I am now "obligated" to "put it to good use" by joining the work force full time and sending my toddler off to daycare.Not that I'm inherently opposed to daycare, or joining the work force, but I really don't think it is any of my relative's business what I choose to do.If this person had, in some way, financially contributed to my education, then sure, I might listen to his opinion. But I worked my own way through school, at one point holding three jobs, and graduated debt-free of my own accord.He gets no say in what I do with that $16,000.00 piece of paper.But it's not just relatives who butt their heads into other peoples' life decisions, it's women themselves. Women get pretty darn vicious when discussing whether it's better to "stay at home" or "go to work." Women who stay at home scream that they DO work, while women who work are exasperated that they hold full-time jobs while still having to go home and, in their evenings, complete the housework that most SAHMs finish during the daylight hours.It's pretty sad that after all we've gone through to bring "enlightenment" to women, we're now stuck on arguing over who's right, instead of just agreeing that nobody fits into a mold and we can all be right in our own ways, at least on this issue.One of my good friends knows a lady who is convinced that any woman who chooses to work out of the home is "rebellious" and defying God's divine will for her life. I know another woman who believes that women who stay at home are lazy and good for nothing. So where's the balance? What happened to "choose what works best for your family"?Growing up, my mother stayed home with us, whereas my husband's mother was in the military so she didn't get the opportunity to stay at home with him.Both my husband and I turned out to be functioning members of society. We don't have any bizarre psychological problems, and our mothers both seem to be pretty happy with the way their lives turned out, so it's hard - nay, impossible - to say that all women should do one or the other.But I just don't understand why, as women, we spend so much energy on bickering amongst ourselves, trying to prove how much better we are than one another, rather than just being happy with what we have and what we're doing in our own lives.
Socialize This
A few nights ago, my husband and I were riding home from a concert with some friends, when the subject of homeschooling came up.My 11 year old sister is leaving Kansas for a few months this fall to come stay with me, and I'm going to be assisting her in her homeschooling.And my friend went ballistic."But homeschoolers are weird.""There are weird people who go to public school, too.""But homeschoolers are REALLY weird.""I was homeschooled.""Well, fine, Beth. You're like the ONE normal person who was homeschooled."And when we got home, I expressed to my husband how incredibly exhausting it is to spend your life constantly being asked if you have friends, if your mom teaches you math, and if you've ever eaten at McDonalds. (The answers to all three questions, in case you're wondering, are "yes.")The one argument most people seem to have against homeschooling is that "homeschoolers are socially awkward," but I doubt that it has much to do with homeschooling itself and more to do with the person and their parents. After all, aren't there "nerds" and "geeks" at public school? Isn't there the weird-smelling kid who always sits in the back? What about the chubby girl with huge glasses that nobody likes? There are always social outcasts and children who struggle to make friends, but that doesn't mean that homeschooling itself is inherently evil or that it fails to perform its function.Yes, there will always be those homeschoolers who don't let their kids wear pants or who freak out if their child wants to listen to any non-religious music, but those are the exceptions to the rule. Most homeschoolers - and I've met thousands - are normal people. They do their schoolwork, they play video games, they go to dances and play sports and date. They eat macaroni and cheese when they feel like it, and they aren't secretly aliens. And after they graduate high school, many go on to lead successful lives, filled with careers and marriage and world-wide travels. Some of them even have babies and blog for Lawrence.com, socially inadequacy and all.
Parenting & Obesity
I've been a parent for about a year and a half now (longer, if we're counting that entire gestation-thing), so I'm well versed in the decisions parents have to make for their kids. Even before our children are born we're bombarded with choices to make: do I have an epidural? Do I vaccinate my child? Do I circumcise? But then, the questions get a little different: do I let my child go play at the neighbor's house while I'm not there? Do I let him walk to school alone? Do I let him see a movie without me? This week, the Washington Post is reminding parents of today's generation that we have a new question facing us: do I allow my child to become obese? [What should parents do?][1] Wang doesn't advocate eliminating sugary drinks but being educated about their role. "Be aware there are a lot of calories [in the beverages], and kids need to exercise a lot to burn it off," she said. This article itself was disappointing, because it basically concludes that it's okay to feed your children junk, as long as they take a nice run afterwards.This isn't just a problem that American parents are dealing with, either. A little girl in the UK made the news today because she basically eats only french fries: [Nutritionist Jeanette Jackson said: 'This really is very bad, this poor child.][2] 'She is only 18 months and already she is chronically obese. The foods she is being given lack vitamins and minerals. Her development will be delayed and, if it continues, there is high risk of her getting a chronic illness.'So what's a parent to do?How about start BEING a parent?Maybe I'm still new at this whole motherhood thing, but if you don't want your child to eat crap and become overweight, shouldn't you just not give them bad food? Who's the adult here?I understand being scared that your child will get hungry and refuse to eat "healthy" food, but if he gets hungry, offer an apple or a carrot anyway. It's awfully difficult for a one year old to only eat french fries if he's not being offered them as an alternative to fruit. I'm sure a lot of people don't feel that obese children should be blamed on the parents, but who's the one buying the food in the first place? Surely a toddler isn't walking into McDonald's alone to order their meal? [1]: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/06/02/AR2008060201167.html [2]: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1025023/Obese-just-18-months-little-girl-raised-diet-chips.html
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