All The Things You Could Be By Now If Sigmund Freud’s Wife Was Your Mother

Lawrence-based band Truckstop Honeymoon was a couple of songs into their show at the Brick, a small venue in Kansas City, on Friday when stand-up bass player Katie Euliss said the band would answer any questions the crowd had.A lively young woman near the back shouted, “What’s your favorite food?” Euliss didn’t understand what she was saying. Someone closer to the band repeated the question. Cheese, she said. Mike West, holding his banjo, said he liked toast, slightly burnt.A man at the concert commented to me that the day the KU men’s basketball team defeated North Carolina in the Final Four last year he had bought an old-school KU hat at a truckstop. The tag said copyright 1981. That’s one old hat. That dog won’t hunt, monsignor.A man walked to the side of the bar and set one empty can of Pabst Blue Ribbon and one empty bottle of Bud Light on the bar, reaching to set the items on the other side of one of those bar game telescreens (best game: MonkeyBash). The bartender picked up the can and bottle and took a couple steps to the side of the bar, just where the man was standing, and dropped the items into a trash can. The man ordered another round of the same. When the bartender came back he apologized for not seeing the trash can. The bartender apologized if she had given him a dirty look. That man was me.I requested the song “Muummuus and House Shoes” and the band played it. The drummer, Colin, showed up after the show had started because he’d had to work. I bought a copy of the album “Christmas in Ocala.” Later on a woman threw a couple strands of Mardi Gras beads at me.In other news, the great jazz musician Charles Mingus released an album in 1960 called “Charles Mingus Presents Charles Mingus.” The fourth and final track has the characteristically unusual title, “All The Things You Could Be By Now If Sigmund Freud’s Wife Was Your Mother.” KU student and University Liquor clerk Brendan Irving once wrote a paper for a jazz class entitled, “Brendan Irving Presents: Charles Mingus Presents Charles Mingus.” He received a B-minus.


that_will_do_pig 13 years, 9 months ago

Frank, that was one of the strangest (but yet beautiful) things I've read in a long time. Please... share more.

smerdyakov 13 years, 9 months ago

Frank, I want to have your BABiES.

Same to you Kratz, and your Babe reference.

frankt 13 years, 9 months ago

The Breaking News blog is finally receiving the appreciation it has long deserved. I can already envision my acceptance speech at the annual Kansas Press Association banquet:

"After being snubbed for so long by the half-illiterate hordes, dull teemers of life with little appreciation for the genius of the non sequitur, a dim concept of the theatre of the absurd, all you dimwits smudging around with ears deaf to subtlety, eyes closed to those beautiful occasions in which earnestness peaks its head above the crass frying pan, yes, after being looked over, rebuked, flogged, I stand before you now ..."

And so forth.

frankt 13 years, 9 months ago

"...But alas, Breaking News is at heart a blog of the people, indelicate though they may be. When a candy wrapper has fallen to the sidewalk, who but Breaking News is there to document the occurrence? When a publishing house mails an unsolicited book to, who but Breaking News will quote from it at random? Yes, Breaking News has always been a strong believer in the people. A blog of noble birth that cannot be halted until it has acted as a bandana upon the sweat of the brow of every noble worker in our land. Kansas, I am yours. Thank you."

DOTDOT 13 years, 9 months ago

I get this blog confused with "Actual News" since, I suppose, there is the word "news" in both of them. And there is a fine subdlety between breaking and actual when applied to specific current news topics like, say, the economy.

Where Actual News takes the profanity of the day and amplifies it with some jibber jabbery, Breaking News reveals the stark beauty of the fugue within, and then lighty steps aside, calling for reverence over comment.

Your Smudging Dimwit,


PatrickJoseph 13 years, 9 months ago

By "half-illiterate hordes," do you mean somewhat literate?

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