Posted
by mj allen
May 30, 2006 at 1:48 p.m.
Thirtysomething
Today is my birthday. I am 33. Not that it's of any significance that I can think of; only that I am older than 32 and not yet 34. I suppose it means that this is the last year of my early-thirties and next year will be in my mid-thirties; although, I'm not sure if that has any real significance either. It seems that in one's thirties, one's age is really just two digits preceding the words "and still:" As in, "she's 33 and still isn't _," "she's 33 and still hasn't ," or "she's 33 and still no ___." This, more than any other, is the decade by which we are judged, not by our accomplishments, but what we have yet to accomplish. And it really doesn't matter how much you have done, there is always something else you've yet to do. You can have a career, but still haven't married. You can have a career and husband, but then where are the kids? You can have a career, husband, kids, house, cars, but have you thought about a retirement plan? What about college for the kids? You can't win. I have accomplished none of those things: well, except, maybe, the career. I have full-time occupation that I am moderately interested in. It's not what I set out to do as a grown-up, but I have full benefits and paid vacations, so it still counts as a career: right? The contemporary school of thought on the single, thirty-something, female situation is that it doesn't matter. "You're independent. Do what you want, when you want to do it." "Grow at your own pace." "It will all come to you when you're ready." "Thirty is the new twenty" and so on. But if any of this is true, why is there any entire sub-genre of entertainment/literature that is dedicated to making single women in their thirties feel better about their "predicament." If there is nothing wrong with being alone and vocationally unfulfilled, then why do I need to feel better about it? Why do I need to laugh about it? I'm not saying I don't want some of those things dictated by social pressures, but trying to make me laugh about it doesn't make me feel any better. If anything it makes me feel worse. Sure, these chick-flick/chick-lit efforts can be amusing in the moment; but afterward, I feel crummy about something I wasn't even thinking about in the prologue. I don't know if I want to relate to these characters. Because, in the end, when it all comes together for our heroine, I'm not filled with hope. I'm just aggravated :and sometimes drunk. Now, I'm sure many of you are saying to yourselves, "Yes, yes, Maggie. This is all very captivating, as usual. But what we need to know is, what do you want for your birthday?!" Well, alright. Calm down, I'll tell you. Understanding that the things that I really want for my birthday seem quite intangible (Matt Damon, the Millennium Falcon, a decent pitching staff for the Royals), I thought I would do a bit of research. Having become faintly familiar with the works of Candace Bushnell, Helen Fielding and the like, I thought I might be able to find what a single girl my age is supposed to want for her birthday. Maybe, just maybe, there could be something to all of this happily-ever-after, chick-lit horse shit. What could it hurt? As luck would have it, I think I found the perfect gift for me. But, it's not quite what I had expected. It's not a husband. It's not even a boyfriend or a date, for that matter. It's not a fabulous career in the media. It's not a new pair of shoes or a handbag or jewelry. It's nothing with a designer label. It's not cosmopolitans with the girls - although that's not a bad idea (86 cosmoes and replace with whiskey). It's not dinner at the new "it" restaurant. It's not a pedicure or massage or any other spa treatment. No, what I would like for my birthday, what I really really want, is for someone to take Carrie Bradshaw and shove her up Bridget Jones' fat ass. Thank you. See you at the bar:
Comments
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Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Welcome to your Jesus year!
chrysanthalbee (chrys anthalbee) says…
omg! i'm 33 and i didn't even know it was my jesus year! it's almost half over! i haven't even taught a man to fish!
editer (Phil Cauthon) says…
our apologies to maggs...the second half of this entry was inadvertently truncated. it is now restored to its full glory
Kookamooka (MJ Browne) says…
I think I know what you mean. My sister was in an imaginary "predicament" then found a guy and had a baby in her 40th year. When men are single at 33 they are extending their adolescents. Women don't really do that. We constantly evolve. All I can think is they we are biologically programmed to be raising our children in our 30's and if we aren't it sort of feels weird. AND I don't think it's 100% socially imposed. I think there is a chemical componant. We are fortunate as liberated women of America to have the choice to be independant. I envy women who don't have to pinch pennies and can actually get a full nights sleep on a regular basis. I've been raising kids for 13 years and I have another 16 years left. We all have our "crosses".
ladylaw (Terry Bush) says…
Oh my goodness. I laughed so hard at your birthday wish that I hurt myself. It is an admirable wish and you would have it were it within my power to give it to you!
Being in my 50's now I can tell you that there is always some societal list waiting to measure you and find you wanting. I try to ignore such lists (or break the rules when necessary).
As for the 30 angst and lists... You appear to have a firm grasp on reality. That is more then 99% of the human race can claim. So, in that sense, you may have already "made it"! Check "getting a clue" off your list of things that must be done!
Do you think that males in their 30's have a similar "still not" list? What does the male list say for 30 somethings?
Perhaps the 30ish age is the bench mark because it USED to mark official middle age (back when people usually lasted only into their 60's). Now, with the average age rising, middle age may be somewhere in your late 30's.
Regardless, when a person reaches that half way mark, I think it is fairly normal to ask "is the life (glass) half full or half empty"!?
Happy Birthday.
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
Oh, damn. You know how you don't know how badly you want something until someone else says it, too? Yeah. That visual is my new teddy bear; I will cling to it as I drift off to sleep for weeks to come.
Thank you.
thetomdotdot (anonymous) says…
I'd like to shove the entire 30s up somebody's ass.
SarahSota (anonymous) says…
Can we do the same thing with "Brangelina"?
Happy Birthday, Mag!
tomking (Tom King) says…
Happy birthday, Maggie. May all your dreams come true.
SarahSota (anonymous) says…
I was just thinking the other day how Sex and the City is the worst show to watch before you move to NYC. Of course, I still love the show, but- I was watching an episode the other day where Carrie is 1) Walking down the middle of the street in 5 inch heels after being out all night 2) Strutting her stuff, looking like a prostitute while presumably walking all over the city ALONE and 3) she's so happy to be hung over and living in New York that she waves to a sanitation worker.
Actually living here I can say the following: 1) I will never wear high heels again unless I know I am taking a cab everywhere and will be guaranteed a seat as soon as I enter a building- and even then, I probably still wouldn't. 2) Sometimes you do have to walk around alone at night, but you do it with your phone in one hand and your keys in the other and you try really hard not to be confused for a whore and 3) Well, really. The sanitation worker? C'mon.
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Yeah. I tend not to wear heels in NYC so much, anymore.
MjA (MJ Allen) says…
Thank you all for your comments and birthday wishes.
Ladylaw in particular, I found your comments very comforting and gratifying. Thank you.
As for your question about men in their 30s: well, gosh, I dunno.
I'm not sure if it matters to them. Most of the guys I know don't seem to care about much (but that might just be a Lawrence-guy thing).
I think they definitely have a different experience when it comes to the pressure toward marriage. That's been my experience in my family anyhow. They're too young in their 20s. If they don't get married in their 30s it's because they're too busy with work and/or haven't found the right girl. If they make to their 40s, well then they're just "confirmed bachelors", a title worn like a badge of honor. For women, it's just sad, sadder, spinster. It's a crock o' shit.
To Kookamooka's comments on extended adolescence and the disproportional rate of "evolution", I think you are on to something there. The only difference I have noticed between men in their 30s and men in their 20s or 40s is the extent of their gut and their stamina in bed.
I have some theories about the men of my generation in particular, but that's a big old blog in and of itself (perhaps I shall bore you with that later).
Thanks to all who sent me greetings and/or helped me in celebrating. I had a very lovely birthday. Perhaps not all of my wishes came true; but I did receive a huge helping of solidarity and several rounds of horsefeathers. I am very grateful for my family, my friends, and my town. I got nothin' to complain about: at least until the next blog: