April 8, 2008
High five? I can't. I'm sorry, but there is no more five left in my hand. My hand is bruised and mangled from high fiving everyone in Lawrence last night after the KU basketball team became the champions of the universe. It will probably be weeks before I am able to conduct any sort of appropriate, celebratory sports greetings that involve my right hand. You may be wondering why I failed to affectively use my left hand as an alternate. Well, it should be plain to see that I can't use my left hand for high fiving because my left hand is my beer hand. Don't be ridiculous. I am so proud of my fellow Jayhawks, both players and fans alike; however, if you wish to greet me in the spirit of sportsman-like camaraderie, please restrict yourself to a mild pat on the shoulder, a thumbs up, a nod and a wink, or maybe even one of those pointy pistol-finger maneuvers with the accompanying clicking sound at the corner of the mouth. That would be fine, just please avoid anything involving my right hand. And, no, you may not engage my left hand. I told you already, that is my beer hand. Please pay attention. Even if Mario Chalmers, demigod of basketball, himself wanted to high five me, I don't think I could manage it. I might try, but I am fairly certain he would then recoil at the sight of the withered husk of an appendage that is now my right hand. Seriously, it has taken me 3 hours to type this message, as I have been reduced to pecking at the keys with a pencil in my teeth. Type with the other hand, you say? Do we really need to go over that again? Naturally, I am apprehensive about the upcoming series between the Royals and the evil bastard Yankees. If my boys in blue can pull that off, I don't know what I'll do. Perhaps I can fashion a sort of surrogate right hand on a stick to use whilst I wait for my own wee mitt to mend itself; my personal "designated hitter" if you will. While I'm at it, I may as well make another left hand on a stick so I can hold two beers. Congratulations, Jayhawks. The ghost of my right hand whispers high fives in the wind to Jayhawks everywhere. Kansas dominates! No chest bumping, please. The [corna][1] is always acceptable though. [1]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corna
Comments
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frankt (Frank Tankard) says...
AIR (CYBER) FIVE!
April 8, 2008 at 12:51 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
MjA (MJ Allen) says...
Cyyyber five. Nice one!
April 8, 2008 at 2:07 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
ladylaw (Terry Bush) says...
Missed seeing you among the throng. Great vibes and night. Sorry to hear it was not completely free of evil doers. A high five to you in absentia. And a pox on the house of evil doers. May they get what they deserve.
April 8, 2008 at 7:14 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
smerdyakov (anonymous) says...
Hi-larious.... GO ROYALZ
April 10, 2008 at 2:58 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
RachelAnderson (anonymous) says...
Haha! Howabout a wink?
April 11, 2008 at 10:10 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )