Posted
by Jill Ensley
June 15, 2005 at 8:44 p.m.
Dear Hayes Hamburgers & Chili,
I do believe that myself and my retail-slaving friends were muchos excite-os way back in early March when your proposed opening was March 15th (or was it April...it's been so long I can't remember). We shuddered in heart-clogging, all-night breakfast binging anticipation. But there were no coffee cups to be refilled, no scrambled eggs, breakfast burritos, and quarts of chili to be had. I now have your damn number memorized. One of my co-workers has it programmed into his phone. It is now June 15th and you have pushed the opening back to July 1st. FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST WHY DO YOU TEASE US SO? Do you need help? I will help. I've a few more free hours now. I come. I help. I clean. You like. You open now.You owe me biscuits and gravy at 2 am, dammit.
Comments
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obuchanan (anonymous) says…
Hey, I may be a tease, but I'm not greasy!
What are these magical 2 am biscuits and gravy you tell of?
toreador (Michael Austin) says…
The anticipation is the best part. They are just making you really want it!
lazz (anonymous) says…
forgive me ignorance ...
what is hayes hamburgers & chili (though, um, I think I can at least make a wild guess...) and where are they opening in lawrence?
bwoodard (Bill Woodard) says…
Lazz: A Northland KC mainstay----magical, onion-emblazoned, White Castle-sized burgers, fabulous french fries----a diner that's truly a diner. Never had breakfast there but there are raves for that too. I understand it's going in at Orchard's Corner (15th and Kasold) in an old Scotch Dry Cleaners storefront. Too bad it's not closer to my neck of the woods. Downtown needs an all-night greasy spoon in the WORST way. That's what should have gone in at the former Eddie Bauer spot. I'm sure the rent was way too high though. Sigh.
Carmenilla (anonymous) says…
Those fucking fuckers! I don't know how many times I've been slightly hungover and in need of a grease-bomb and I go by Hayes and they still aren't open!!!! Its really starting to piss me off. I need 24 hour breakfast available to me dammit!
godjilla (Jill Ensley) says…
Thank you Mr. Woodard, for explaining and for the endorsement. I've never been to Hayes, but dammit....I hate Perkins and IHOP, hence the anticipation.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who's peeved. :)
And Mike, I thought of that...but if this is some crappy marketing scheme....so help me....
I like elipses.
Very Celine of me.
No, not Dion.
Dumbass.
godjilla (Jill Ensley) says…
obuchanan, you are no tease. You are a dirty, dirty hoo-er.
You give it up regularly, for free, in the park....wearing a clown suit.
chewyfally (Falestine Afani Ruzik) says…
sounds like "the cozy inn" in salina.
it's probably the first thing i miss about meat.
i must check out this new pearl in the oyster we call orchard's corner.
perhaps i can still be vegetarian and get away with just smelling the greasey goodness.
damn i miss grease.
welp, back to my tofu helper.
obuchanan (anonymous) says…
Hee Hee! Jill=Celine Dion! And it's only you I give it up to for free... the clown costume is just a nostalgic reminder of my days in clown-porn. As the maxim goes, "Big clown shoes= Big clown... selzer bottle?"
ichikuo (Hanluen Kuo) says…
I want the 6th street Mcdonald's to open.
Screw driving to 23rd.
toreador (Michael Austin) says…
Wow, such wit and angst in one post. Jill, you are the master! And a poet, is there anything you cannot do?
I have given up on ellipsis, the language nazis broke me, after Jill broke me. Now it is just painfull memories. Not horrible memories of clowns, but close.
I am not too far away from the one in KC, I might have to go to lunch there!
Or go hang out at the pig tonight...
pissykitty (Melissa Lynch) says…
Clown costume? In the park??? That was YOU!
Mmm, I'm so glad White Castle is a mile away from my house. Chicken rings make me suspicious though. What the hell part of the chicken comes in a ring? (I KNOW the answer to that question, don't even tell me!) Should we be eating that? That tears it. I hate to say it, but I'm stopping at White Castle on my way home! Greasy-onion burps be damned!
obuchanan (anonymous) says…
Actually, I think it was probably Jill in the costume at that point... or at least, somehow I ended up in the skirt.
Greasy-onion burps... Miss Kitty, this IS a family blog, let's not sex it up too much!
pissykitty (Melissa Lynch) says…
That WAS pretty sexy, wasn't it? Thank you.
hodgie (anonymous) says…
I also have been waiting in anticipation for this place to open. I say that we all go down to Hayes Shamburger (what my friends and I have started calling it) on the 1st and pound on the doors until they let us in to eat greasy burgers with sides of steak and chilli with spaghetti! Who's with me?
godjilla (Jill Ensley) says…
I'm in. If they're not open on the effing 1st, we need to line up and press our faces (or other parts) against the glass).
Speaking of (chicken) butts....
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/...
Someone wanna try this?
ladylaw (Terry Bush) says…
May I propose another addition to Lawrence fast food fare? I would LOVE to see a Waffle House go up. I would personally help keep them in business. They can't offer a wide range of foods - breakfast is it, but it's 24 hours 7 days a week, and always just what you wanted. Who do we contact to get our favorite restaurants to "see the light" and feed us?
toreador (Michael Austin) says…
Eeew.. waffle house. I am still trying to figure out where they get all the toothless people to inhabit those places wherever they put one up. I have eaten there twice, and left in disgust. Who the hell serves a pork chop sandwich with the bones in it? I really don't want to watch them cook my food when I can see them goofing around with it.
Give me a IHOP or Hayes any day!
1...2...3...4...5...6 this is fun!
Shelby (anonymous) says…
Melissa: where the hell do you live? I have been craving white castle that doesn't come from the frozen foods section.
toreador (Michael Austin) says…
She lives in the land of White Castles....
that is ok. I just found out that the place I have been eating at near my work called Swagat was founded by the India Palace guy. No wonder the food is so good.
Trade you PK? Send me some White Castles and I will send you some Chicken Tikka Masala?
OtherJoel (anonymous) says…
There was a hepatitus scare at one of the Springfield Waffle Houses when I lived there, which kind of put me off them. I am a fan of IHOP, though -- the steak and cheese omelet with a side of pancakes and butterscotch syrup --aaarrrarrrrarrrrggggghhhh!
Ah, White Castle. Bought some of those frozen burgers a month or so back. Don't know why. Liked them as a kid, but as an adult you realize just how vile they really are -- and they are indeed vile. I did have the chicken rings a couple of years back on a trip through St. Louis. Not too bad for what they are (or should I say whatever they are).
pissykitty (Melissa Lynch) says…
Its a deal, Mike. You send me the chicken tikka masala and I'll send you the White Castles. I'm not sure if it will be better than buying the frozen ones, cause I'll have to freeze them to send them. Unless you got that matter transporter working yet...
hodgie (anonymous) says…
I'm not sure if anyone will see this or not as it has been days since the last post. But, I'm stuck in Topeka until this evening. Does anyone know if the Shamburger has opened yet????
supermel718 (anonymous) says…
Well, well well...
They are now open, but I can tell you they are still as inefficient as ever. Is it worth the wait? Well if you want to wait an hour for a small plate full of the wrong order, then yes. Don't get me wrong it sure was tasty, but the waitstaff may have been mentally retarded, and not in the good way. The only one in the whole place that was worth a damn was the cook.
PS...
Do not order a shake. They will tell you how hard it is to make it, and try to make you feel guilty. If you overcome and still say "Yes, I still want a damn shake" they will make sure that you don't get that shake for at least 20 minutes, until you finally say "forget the shake, I'll have an ice tea"
Pirate_Princess (anonymous) says…
Let me rebuttal that last comment....
being one of the "mentally retarded" staff at Hayes, I can personally attest to what it's like. our cook, ben, is THE best cook in the world. give him tips, because he works two jobs and has a puppy to support.
and i have to say, i've never tried to talk anyone out of a malt or shake. they're delicious, they just take some time. i made about 30 malts and shakes yesterday, and i'm really tired of looking at ice cream, but you are the customer, and whatever you want, you should get. because you are paying my wages.
and hopefully tipping me.
^_^
our service is a little sluggish, i admit. we are a new place, and every new place has a few kinks to work out before we can offer you perfect service. the kitchen is small and difficult to work in. give us some time and we'll give you great (and spectacularly greasy) food.
ps. we're firing a lot of the "mentally retarded" staff. come back and i'll see what i can do to change your mind about Hayes.
we're open 24/7 with burgers, chili, eggs and hashbrowns, pie, shakes, and hamburger steaks.
godjilla (Jill Ensley) says…
Good for you.
I didn't have spectacular service when I went, but hell...it was opening day. I went back the other night and it was better. It was only made worse by the meatheaded drunken frat boy who proceeded to hit on me and my friend, repeatedly, not getting the message. It wasn't the establishment's fault though and the waitress was apologetic, even though she didn't have to be.
The food is good, it's cheap, and it's 24 hours. I had a problem with the huge flat screen TVs, but when I went in, they were watching cartoons, which is a-ok with me. Now, just get some booths and we'll be set. ;)