How do you quit something that feels so right?
Good Blog Almighty! took a break from all the celebrity gossip madness to chill and enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday. Although I was able to relax and enjoy this time off, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was neglecting something extremely important. Just as a doctor is on call during the holidays, I was constantly looking, searching, fielding suggestions for the newest celebrity gossip. Now I’m back in the saddle, and the void has been filled.
I tried to quit you, celebrity gossip, but I just can’t. I mean, how do you quit something that feels so right? (cue Tiger Woods story below...) I guess we need each other too much. We shouldn't fight it...let’s just accept it and move on with our unconventional love story.
And with that, enjoy this mixed bag of crazy.
Tiger has been a naughty little kitten
(sorry for the headline). Well, looks like Tiger is a poop head. Today he all but confessed to having an affair.
This only after mistresses coming out of the woodwork (with damning voice mails and sexts).
And of course the questionable fender bender where his wife beat the windows of his car in with a golf club because of his cheating ways OR because she was trying to save him… you decide.
Wow. Digest this when you think your life is in the shitter.
Casey Johnson, heiress to the Johnson & Johnson fortune, has been accused of breaking into and robbing a former girlfriend’s house, the former girlfriend being a model who has since blabbed to Page Six about crazy Casey. Here’s the break down as far as I can tell:
• Casey broke into Jasmine Lennard’s home and stole clothes (even underwear…yuck) and jewelry from the supermodel. Allegedly Casey even pleasured herself and left evidence of the pleasuring. That’s all you’ll get from me on that.
• Casey was arrested.
• Jasmine has talked to Page Six about Casey and says her mother has cut her off from her fortune until she goes to rehab, so she’s broke and living in squalor.
• To make matters terribly worse, Casey decided it would be a grand idea to adopt a baby back in 2007, so according to Jasmine, Casey hasn’t been Mother of the Year lately, needless to say. Poor little baby.
So, the moral of the story is this: How in the hell did this girl adopt a baby?! How does this happen when there are folks out there who aren’t allowed to adopt?! WTF, people. WTF.
The Family Ties mom comes out of the closet
Who knew Meredith Baxter was gay? Well, apparently even she didn’t know until recently. Now she’s out and proud. Good for her. FYI, I still think of her as Meredith Baxter Birney (she divorced Mr. Birney years ago, but she’ll always be MBB to me).
Thanksgiving booty call
Snore. I hate to even report on this poop, but I feel I must update you all in case you have nothing better going on. Sienna Miller and Jude Law may be knockin’ the boots again. They are so perfect for each other (slutastic) so I guess it makes sense.
Is that pot Marilyn Monroe is smoking?
Well, according to the distributor of this video, shot in the 1960’s, it certainly is. And she does seem to be having a grand ol’ time, but who really knows…
Hawt photo of the week
I normally think fake nails are a wee tacky, but this guy is rocking them, no?
Comments? … tell me how you REALLY feel!
The Calm Before the Thanksgiving Storm
Good week to you! Not a lot to post on this week, but with the Thanksgiving holiday coming up, surely there will be much more celebrity drama just around the corner. One can only hope and pray, anyway.
Mommas, don’t let your babies grow up to be Amy Winehouse
Long story short. Crackhead, er, British pop star/walking nightmare Amy Winehouse recently had her fun bags enhanced. Well, seems they have sprung a wee leek. And that’s according to her daddio. WOW. That’s all I can muster right now. Check in with me later to see if I’ve gathered enough energy to muster more on this subject.
Don’t mess with Martha…
So Martha Stewart’s inner hag has returned (I missed it). Her most recent target would be that highly annoying Rachael Ray. Martha says in a Nightline interview:
"Well, to me, she professed that she could — cannot bake. She just did a new cookbook which is just a re-edit of a lot of her old recipes. ...And that's not good enough for me.”
Martha goes on to say that RR is more of an "entertainer" rather than a teacher (unlike Oh Holy Mother of all Things Perfect). Martha should just get it over with and marry herself. Anyway, sure, RR is supremely cringe-worthy (yes, I have two of her cookbooks, but no, I cannot stand watching her screech her way through an episode of 30 Minute Meals). But she’s a decent enough cook, and I applaud her for just being herself. I think this is just Martha’s way…she can’t help but step on others while talking about herself. I think that just comes naturally to her. For what it’s worth, I also own a Martha Stewart cookbook, and I’ve never cooked a damn thing out of it. It’s “healthy meals” that are made for 80 lb. girls who never eat more than a carrot stick. I’d rather cozy up with my Paula Deen cookbooks any day of the week. Viva la butter.
This is what Playgirl spreads do to commoners…
Playgirl model Levi Johnston has a big head now. No…that’s NOT what I meant! Ahem. But seriously, Levi Johnston (according to Page Six spies) recently refused to stand in line with all the “regular people” waiting for an American Airlines flight. Even Jason Alexander (Seinfeld) stood in line quietly like a normal person (I mean, aren’t we all the same, people, at the end of the day?). I love this story, because it just makes it that much easier to make fun of this dolt.
“Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”
Catchy, eh? Shocking, yes. Who loves this slogan/phrase? Take one, wild guess. Our favorite 55 lb. model and white powder enthusiast, Kate Moss. And she’s proud of it. I want to knock her out and force feed her some White Castle.
Twilight update
I’m not going to post much on the Twilight mania going on right now…but don’t get me wrong. I will see the New Moon movie. I realize I am not 12 years old. But *you* read those stupid things and tell me you aren’t captivated by the amazing writing and character development. But seriously, they are addictive. Kinda like when you start eating those mini Tootsie Rolls and just cannot stop popping them in your mouth. It’s like that. So, I’ll just leave you with this. Mr. Robert Pattinson. On Ellen this Friday. Set your DVRs, ladies and gents.
Don’t Be Ashamed. Own It.
I’ve talked to some friends since writing Good Blog Almighty, and many of them sheepishly admit they enjoy the blog usually by saying something like, “Don’t tell anyone, but I love catching up on celebrity gossip in your blog!”
Um, okay. But I understand. Some people still think it’s unacceptable to enjoy reading about celebrity gossip. The naysayers say it’s not intellectually stimulating, it kills brain cells, it contributes to the giant cultural stain that is the celebrity gossip mill, blah, blah, blah. I disagree. Since starting this beautiful journey with you all, I’ve delighted in reaching out to you with my love for all things celebrity gossip.
I’ve learned to own it. I’ve learned not to apologize for it. Because I know it’s just a facet of what makes me a nice, intelligent person. I know I can easily pick up a copy of the New Yorker and read that (and I do), but I can also enjoy US Magazine. It’s okay to diversify. But if you are still in the closet with your celebrity gossip addiction, that is okay. Just knowing I’ve helped out one person makes this all worthwhile.
God does look out for me
I didn’t know things could get any better with the Real Housewives franchise until I read this juicy news. I guess a Real Housewives of Atlanta part deux may be in development, featuring MEN FOLK. That’s right…it’s a real “househusbands” of the ATL, tentatively called “Boys Club: ATL.” I giggled with anticipation when reading this. I love the Real Housewives of Atlanta (it’s my favorite out of them all, with the Housewives of New Jersey coming in second). It’s the perfect mix of hilarity and fashion and society and Jerry Springer-ish antics rolled into one, messy amazing ball of delight. Now we just have to wait for the new show to start featuring the men of Atlanta high society. You know you are excited as I am…don’t be ashamed. Own it.
Michael Lohan shouldn’t get the father of the year award
Lindsey Lohan’s father, Michael Lohan, is a public menace. You don’t have to look too far to see where the crazy comes from in that family (either parent would do). Michael decided that in order to truly help Lindsey, he should publish private voice mails from family members such as Dina Lohan (mom), and Lindsey’s assistant, about how Lindsey needs help. Papa Lohan, you are probably making it worse. And I’m pretty sure you yourself are a total fame addict and are looking for publicity more than you’re looking to help your daughter. I mean, you are working on a reality show about celebrity divorced dads with none other than Jon Gosselin.
p.s. In one of the voice mails Dina claims Lindsey was seeing Heath Ledger when he died. I don’t know what to think about this…I’d love to think it’s not true, but he was also rumored to be dating one of the Olson twins, so what’s the difference? He was slumming either way. The truth hurts sometimes.
And you thought your ex was annoying
Jennifer Lopez has asked for a restraining order on her ex husband, Ojani Noa. Noa is mostly known as Jennifer’s first husband (back when she was a struggling backup dancer) who now tries to cash in on his failed relationship. He’s tried to publish a “tell-all” book about his marriage to Miss Jenny from the Block, but that was blocked by Jennifer’s peeps. Now he’s trying to distribute an 11-hour home video of times with Miss Jennifer, including footage from their honeymoon. He’s calling itThe J.Lo and Ojani Noa Story. Weird and disturbing. Get a life, and get a real job. Sounds like she’s going to have to beat this guy down with a stick, because he keeps rising up like the Phoenix. Good luck with that.
Emma Thompson gets heat for removing name from Polanski petition
It must be hard to be a celebrity, because you feel like you have to side with certain causes to kiss ass and whatnot. I’m just assuming that’s why Emma Thompson initially signed the Polanski petition to keep him out of jail. Now she has removed her name from the petition and is being attacked for “petition tourism.” Please. Show me some evidence that she’s a serial petition tourist and I might agree, but she probably just decided it didn’t look too good to be associated with the defense of a rapist. I’m not his biggest fan, can you tell?
Pam Anderson’s kids…a chip off the old Tommy Lee block
So, who knew Pam Anderson was slumming in a trailer park these days? Of course, she’s a celebrity, so it’s a fancy shmancy trailer park, and one where “trailers” run from over $300,000 to over a million dollars. But I guess by Hollywood standards that’s the lowest of the low. Rumor has it she’s just living there while her home is being renovated. Who knows, but her boys aren’t the most popular kids around there. I guess they’ve been described as trailer park terrors, running around, riding their bikes and TERRORIZING THE NEIGHBORS! But more disturbing than that is the fact that Pam herself said her oldest son, Brandon, tried to get into a fight with an 18 or 19-year old counseler from his school because the counselor said something bad about Pam (imagine that).
"My son got in trouble at school for beating somebody up. Well, not really beating somebody up. Just one of the counsellors, who's 18 or 19, made a rude comment about me to him. Brandon threw his Red Bull (drink) on him and then went after him and they had to peel him off him.
"Now I'm getting called into school. But I think when somebody says something bad about your mother, what are you supposed to do? It is hard when other kids are like, 'I've seen your mom with her clothes off!' I've tried to teach my kids I have no problem with nudity. Violence isn't good but Brandon was really upset, he was shaking and crying and looking in my eyes. It's so sad."
It is sad to see your kids upset for any reason. No, Pam, nudity isn’t bad. Of course not. But here’s the deal--Selling yourself and your fake ta-ta’s to the nudey mags for money isn’t the most honorable way to earn a buck, either. You what makes you happy…but don’t be surprised when your kids hear things at school. I mean, you ARE Pam Anderson-what do you expect?! I’m not justifying it at all. Just saying it shouldn’t come as a surprise when people say stupid stuff about you to your kids. The way you could deal with this would be to sit your boys down and tell them A) This is what Mommy does for a living B) So you might expect to hear snarky things from people now and again C) this is how you deal with said snarky comments…not using your fists but using your words! I know it’s super annoying to get parenting advice from anyone (trust me, I know), but I really think this is for your own good, Pam. Oh, and where is Tommy Lee during all of this? You know he would never put up with his sons beating the crap out of someone!! I kid, I kid.
It’s Crumbly Crumbs time!
Allegedly Angie Jolie is adopting yet another babe, this time one from Syria. The gossipers are saying Brad is not on board, as Angie is the only one who signed the papers for the baby. Yikes. Time will tell…
Aerosmith is NOT losing Steven Tyler (whew). First concert I saw without my parentals? That’s right, Aerosmith. And you are right if you suspect that I wore ripped jean shorts with black tights underneath and an Aerosmith concert t-shirt with black army boots. HAWT. Anyway, I guess the rumor mill was all abuzz with the news Steven had jumped ship. Even Joe Perry was claiming it to be true. So what gives? Well, Steven himself said the following: “I just want New York to know, I am not leaving Aerosmith," And Joe Perry, you are a man of many colors but I, motherfucker, am the rainbow!" And all was right in the world.
Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland is coming together, and here’s a new movie poster. I cannot wait for this to come out! Alice in Wonderland is already a strange tale, so Tim Burton is the perfect person to make it amazing. Amazingly strange, that is.
Shanna Moakler, best known for her volitale marriage to drummer Travis Barker (and for being a former Miss America), recently called Khloe Kardashian a donkey. Now that’s just not very nice. She sorta apologized for it, but Khloe’s not having any of that. And I’m pretty sure if Shanna and Khloe got into a rumble, Shanna might just get her teeth knocked out. Just a hunch.
Let’s officially kill all our brain cells by watching this sure-to-be-train-wreck reality show, starring our favorite reality fame whore, Omarosa (from the first season of the Apprentice, of course). I watched that season and wanted many times to push Omarosa into the path of a New York City cab. No, that isn’t very nice, and no, I would never, ever actually do that. But that’s how annoying and evil she was. And Trump couldn’t stand her, either, but now he’s working with her on a reality show. God help us all.
And in super sad news, I guess Celine Dion isn't pregnant. Remember, she announced she was pregnant awhile ago? She and husband René Angélil thought they had a successful second pregnancy from IVF, but it turns out the pregnancy didn't take. It's always tough to have to go through this, so I cannot imagine going through it in the public eye. I like to make fun Miss Celine, but deep down inside I like her. What's not to like? She and René have weathered the times together, and they seem like nice enough folks (albeit loons with way too much money). And she's just so kooky you cannot help but like her a little, even if you do cringe when she sings (because she makes the most embarrassing faces when singing...just Youtube it and you'll see what I mean). But that voice...it's amazing, no? So, back to the point. I feel bad for them. I hope their next attempt is a successful one.
To perk us all up a little, enjoy this 1980’s era video. This is before all the Youtube mania, so this lady was way ahead of her time. And I’m not so sure her bunny friend wants to play the piano. Mr. Bunny looks a little annoyed.
Forget leftover Halloween candy…stuff yourself with THIS
Another Halloween has come and gone, and I didn’t see one Kate Gosselin or Balloon Boy or Octomom costume. It was just your garden variety of ghouls, goblins and robots. Oh, and zoo animals (that would be Junior and Sissy). We need to kick it up a notch next year and force — I mean, ask — Junior and Sissy to go as celebrity kiddos! Sissy could be Suri Cruise (note to self: invest in brown wig and “I Love Xenu” T-shirt), and Junior can go as Kingston Rossdale, Gwen Stefani’s little mohawk-sporting fashion plate. Halloween 2010 will be here before we know it!
Chris Martin is in deep GOOP
Could this be true? Could Chris Martin, of Coldplay and Gwyneth Paltrow fame, be cheating on his ice queen with a younger actress? Star Magazine says so.
The other woman is allegedly Kate Bosworth, a blonde waify American actress (he certainly has a type) who has starred in a few forgettable films I don’t feel like looking up. She’s mostly known for dating Orlando Bloom back in the day.
If you read my blog, you know I’m not Gwyneth’s biggest fan. I’ve mentioned how I struggle with the impulse to punch her in the face and the weird desire to want to be in her cool girls club (and absorb her outlandishly pretentious advice provided in her GOOP newsletter).
That said, no one deserves to be cheated on, not even Gwynnie. Well maybe Ms. Bosworth deserves it — she’s somewhat infamous in Hollywood for her hot pursuits of the male persuasion, with no regard for significant others. In other words, she might be a hussy. Martin’s rep denies it all…surprise. Part of me always wonders if one of the celebs plants these rumors (you know who you are, Kate Bosworth) to get some attention. I’m merely speculating, but I’m pretty sure it happens.
Anyway, I hope Chris can straighten this out in private before this gets too icky. Wait. A. Second. Who just took over my blog? Because those words would never leave my mouth. Of course I hope their alleged split is splattered all over the place. I mean, that’s why I get up in the morning, right?
YOU’RE FIRED
For those of you who are feeling somewhat sensitive and empathetic today (what is WRONG with you, by the way?), I warn you that I really don’t pull any punches on this particular post. I don’t have much patience with any member of the Simpson family (or the Gosselins or Speidi, for that matter). But this is about Ashlee, so back on point…
So, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz — a Simpson by birth and therefore one of my least favorite people on planet Earth — has been fired from Melrose Place. The network and even Simpson made it seem hunky dory at the time, but as suspected, that seems to be a load of malarkey.
Rumor has it she was fired because, get this…she is a TERRIBLE actress (shock) and was a jerk on set. And then to make it more exciting, Ashlee’s dim bulb of a sister, Jessica, tweets about the whole thing:
“CW catching up on MP.who writes this crap?i have had bad scripts to work with,but this?thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press.”
By the way, I love to imagine Jessica hanging at home by herself, inhaling some chicken lo mein, drinking a fish bowl of wine, watching old episodes of her reality show with ex-husband, Nick Lachey, when she decided to drunk tweet.
This one is all about Dakota Fanning and Kathy Griffin
15-year old actress Dakota Fanning, who has a role in the upcoming Twilight sequel New Moon, was recently crowned homecoming princess at her high school. You know the other candidates were all like, “What the hell?! She gets to be in a movie with Robert Pattinson and be homecoming princess?! Tramp.” Okay, maybe the tramp part is going a bit too far…
Anyway, when I read this news I found it refreshing that Dakota seems to have a relatively normal teenage life. One day she’s schmoozing with A-list actors and directors, and the next she’s doing toe touches with her cheer squad and scoring the coveted homecoming tiara. It’s the American dream, right?
And then I remember what I read about Dakota in Kathy Griffin’s autobiography. Yes, I am reading Kathy’s autobiography, and yes, it is fantastic.
When Kathy hosted the 2005 Golden Globes red carpet pre-awards, she thought it would be hilarious (and I concur) if she started an obviously ridiculous rumor about a celebrity. So the rumor she created was that Miss Fanning had entered rehab (who was 10-years old at the time and starring with Tom Cruise in War of the Worlds).
And I thought Iowa football fans liked to get started early
So, I’m going to use this forum to interject and say GO HAWKEYES! Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a Jayhawk fan through and through, but my husband’s family hails from corn country, and the Hawkeyes are doing very well right now. I hope they make it to the Rose Bowl because I want so badly to go to California for the game. Imagine all the amazing gossip I would return with!! Keep your fingers crossed for me, er, I mean the team.
But somewhat related to this…I seriously did not think I had ever seen people drink so early in the morning as I did when I went to a couple of Iowa football games. Those folks know how to tailgate! And I mean it…it doesn’t matter if that game is at 11 a.m., there are people out there partying it up at 8 a.m. or earlier. And the crowds are staggering. There are people EVERYWHERE. It’s a very fun atmosphere, especially when you are sober and just laughing at everything around you.
So when I read this post about how Kiefer Sutherland footed the bill for a binge drinking fest with his co-stars of “24” from 7 a.m. to 1 p.m. (yes, those times are correct), I immediately thought to myself, “What football game were they tailgating?” Nope, just capping off an all-night shoot. I know if I stayed up all night working, the first thing I would want would be tons of beer. Maybe when I was 19…
Crumbly crumbs from the week
• Mel Gibson and girlfriend Oksana had their baby…it’s a girl, Lucia Gibson. And it’s his 8th baby! They should totally get a TLC reality show. I would watch it. You know I would.
• Jeremy Piven, of Entourage fame, says he grew moobs from drinking too much soy milk. This is the same guy who dropped out of a Broadway play claiming he suffered from mercury poisoning when he ate too sushi. I love drama queens.
• Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin will host the Oscars. I wish Kathy Griffin was hosting. But I do love me some Alec Baldwin.
• Speaking of Kathy Griffin, she’s been tapped to host a new show “So You Think You Can Dance” rip-off show on ABC that sounds terribly stupid, but hopefully she’ll make it funny.
• Kirstie Alley will star on a new reality show on A&E about being a single mom and trying to shed some weight. I will watch this show. I have a sweet tooth for that crazy loon.
• Kate Hudson says she lost 20 lbs. for a movie by cutting out liquor from her diet. I think she’s exaggerating. 20 lbs. on her little frame? Is she drinking a keg a week? In reality I’m sure she also cut out dairy, carbs, vegetables, fruit, and food in general from her diet. But then that would be starving oneself, and that doesn’t happen in Hollywood, right?
• Josh Duhamel denies (yet again) hooking up with a stripper. Isn’t Fergie all the stripper (slash former meth head) he needs?
• There’s going to be a sequel to Three Men and a Baby! I actually loved this movie back in the day, but seriously! What’s next, a sequel to Adventures in Babysitting?
• And in “Thumbs Down!” news, Brad Pitt put beads in his goatee/beard thingy. A hilarious friend of mine once said that a goatee is much like growing a vagina on your face. Not so attractive, Mr. Pitt, especially when your face vag is beaded.
• Bratty Kevin Spacey threw a fit when a waiter asked his party to put their cancer sticks out in a restaurant in Rhode Island. The waiter was fired for pissing off Spacey. What a douche bag. Kevin Spacey, not the waiter, of course.
Comments? Suggestions? Tell me what you think!
Scientology, Cousin Eddie and celebrity robberies, oh my!
As I was channel surfing the other day, I couldn’t help but settle on a rerun of “Full House” (that awful, cheesy Olsen twin-producing show from the early ’90s). Normally I would abruptly change the channel to save some brain cells, but I couldn’t help myself this time. I just stared at little Stephanie Tanner and her adorable curls and thought to myself, how does someone so cute and so seemingly innocent end up as a meth addict? I guess we can attribute a lot of the dysfunction to living in la-la land and the inherent insanity and insecurity that celebrity brings, especially with the young’ns. But then again, crazy is what makes the world go ’round, am I right?
Famous director drops Scientology like a hot biscuit
Paul Haggis — director of the Oscar-winning movie “Crash” — has been a 35-year veteran of Scientology. Well, not anymore. Haggis has renounced his Scientology ways, and he isn’t going down quietly.
Haggis wrote a public letter to the church, bashing it for looking away as one of their chapters sided against gay rights. Additionally, Haggis was shocked the church denied practicing the controversial method of “disconnection” — severing ties with a friend or family member who might not be supportive of Scientology. Haggis says his own wife was forced to disconnect from her parents after they voiced objections about the church.
“The great majority of Scientologists I know are good people who are genuinely interested in improving conditions on this planet and helping others,” Haggis wrote. “I have to believe that if they knew what I now know, they, too, would be horrified.”
Well, you hear now and again of celebs defecting from Scientology. But this hits the church hard as Haggis is rather famous and obviously has a lot to say. And he’s not a newbie, either. He’s been with the church for over three decades, so you know he’s seen a lot. I like to think I’m open minded about all religions. But I struggle with Scientology. From everything I’ve read, it seems to be just a creepy club for rich people who pay lots of money to become masters at passing polygraphs. And Mr. couch-jumping crazy-eyes Tom Cruise certainly hasn’t helped. But then again, if being a Scientologist makes one happy, who am I to judge...
Nothing sells books like sex and drugs and suicide
True to form, a bunch of C-list and D-list celebs are following Mackenzie Phillips' lead and putting it all out there in tell-all autobiographies (oh, I mean memoirs). Thanks to Jesus, Xenu (or whomever you choose to love), none of these celebs admit to having sex with their fathers.
Reality star and '80s wrestler Hulk Hogan reveals he was suicidal when he and his now ex-wife, Linda, broke it off. He also reveals he was a steroid user and cocaine user back in the day. I'm not terribly surprised by the coke and steroid use (I mean, have you seen this guy?), but I didn't peg the Hulk as one who would take a bunch of pills and pull out a gun.
Full House kid star turned meth head, Jodie Sweetin, has penned an autobiography and does she ever have some juice. After that terrible show ended back in the mid-'90s, Sweetin starting abusing drugs and alcohol. In her book she reveals she was high on meth at a movie premiere for the Olsen twins. She also admits she drove drunk with her infant daughter in the car, and she's still trying to work out child custody with her ex-husband. Um, darlin', not sure this book is going to help your case. FYI: her book's title is UnSweetined (insert hearty laugh).
And our favorite hot head athlete, Andre Agassi, also admits in his new autobiography that he used meth back in the day (when he was married to Brooke Shields…remember that?) Wow…I didn't realize meth was such a society drug!
I hear meth is a nasty habit to break, so part of me can't help but wonder if we'll see a celebrity version of Intervention soon.
Teach your children well
Four teenagers targeted stars — including Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Orlando Bloom — by casing their homes via fashion magazines, Web sites and gossip television shows and then robbed them. They stole millions of dollars, according to Los Angeles police. And one of the suspects is a girl who had hoped to star in her own reality show. Folks, this is what reality television breeds!
And you know these fame-hungry kids love the attention they are getting. As the Guardian put it:
“In a twist seemingly written by a jobbing Hollywood screenwriter, the suspects now find themselves featured alongside the celebrities they are accused of burgling on TMZ.com.”
It really freaks me out to know this kind of stuff is going down, even in la-la land.
Angie and her secrets
And in Angelina Jolie news … a tell-all biography by the same author who penned controversial biographies about Tom Cruise and Princess Diana, claims Jolie allegedly slept with her own mother’s live-in boyfriend when she (Angie) was 16 years old. Now, one must ask oneself, how does the author (Andrew Morton) know all this? Who the heck knows. I’m just a messenger among many. This is a gossip mill, right?
I’m not a fan of Angie’s, per say, because I do think she’s a crazy loon, and I have a hard time swallowing the whole “I wear a vile of my husband’s blood one day and the next I’m the second coming of Mother Teresa” thing, but I also don’t want to be a hater. So … do with this news what you will.
Randy Quaid makes Cousin Eddie seem pretty normal
Remember Randy Quaid? Well, he and his wife, Evi, are pretty insane. They were recently charged with three felonies - burglary, conspiracy and defrauding an innkeeper - after they dined and dashed. And then they didn't show up for their court hearing, so they are being extradited.
I guess the Quaids are repeat offenders, too. Radar Online reports Randy and Evi owe Hotel Bel-Air $17,000 in unpaid hotel bills and are holding on to a rental car that has been reported missing by Hertz Rent-A-Car.
But wait! There's more: I guess Evi once asked a private detective to investigate death threats against she and Randy, but the investigator ended up filing a restraining order against her, saying she was “mentally unstable” and using drugs.
I don't get it - shouldn't they have enough money to pay for this stuff, especially with the royalties from the National Lampoon movies? In fact, I got sucked into watching Christmas Vacation the other night for the 400 billionth time, and Cousin Eddie has a lot to do with my love for all things Vacation. But like many celebs out there, they've probably spent all their money and expect to get everything for free. Or they are just crazy loons. Or both.
Please share your comments, readers! And tune in next week for your fix of celebrity gossip!
Where were you when Balloon Boy happened?
I’ll tell you where I was. At work, consumed by deadlines. I was so busy with work that I found out about this story after the balloon had crashed to the ground and 6-year old Falcon Heenes was not inside (whew).
Like the rest of the world, I was instantly obsessed with the story, tracking it’s every detail, asking my daycare provider about the latest when I picked up Junior and Sissy, calling my daycare provider on the ride home to give her an update when I heard on NPR they had found the boy, safe in his garage.
When all this happened, it transported me back to a scary time in my childhood when we couldn’t find my little sister one afternoon. She had just disappeared…we looked everywhere. We had the neighborhood searching for her. My mother was beside herself, and my older sister and I were running all over, calling her name, looking under every nook and cranny.
Then we found her under a blanket in our living room rocking chair, sleeping. The blanket was bunched up so that we didn’t even think someone could be underneath it, and in our panicked state, didn’t even check (of course that’s how it always works, right?) My oblivious sister woke to a bunch of babbling idiots hugging and kissing her — and I’m pretty sure I told her I would never, ever push her or take her Barbies again forever and ever because I loved her so.
So this balloon boy stunt brought me back to that day…that terrible, awful day when time stood still. So that makes the fact that this story turned out to be a hoax even harder to stomach. Everyone watching was rooting for this little boy to be found alive, unhurt — only to find out this psychotic family created the entire stunt for publicity. It’s sick. How a sane parent could ever think this would be acceptable is absolutely beyond me.
Is this what the phenomenon of reality television has done to our society? Is this how low we will sink for our 15 minutes of fame? And I thought the Gosselins were the lowest of the low.
New BFF alert…and you’ll never guess!!!
Balki, from Perfect Strangers, er…I mean, Bronson Pinochot (his real name), is my new favorite has-been celebrity. Bronson has done what I wish every famous person would do…dished on all the celebs he’s worked with over the years. And boy does he ever dish. I live for this stuff. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. I live for my kids, my family, myself, etc…but I love this stuff more than I can really express in words. Here’s a sample from his interview with the AVClub…
On working with Tom Cruise in "Risky Business":
We thought Tom [Cruise] was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth... He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments, like, "You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?"... There was no basis for it. It was like, "It's a nice day, I'm glad there are no gay people standing here." Very, very strange.
On working with Denzel Washington in "Courage Under Fire":
He was really abusive to me and everybody on that movie, and his official explanation was that his character didn't like me, but it was a dreadful experience. I spent my salary on time with my shrink just for helping me get through it... The script supervisor on that movie said it's like watching somebody kick a puppy. He was so vile.
On Bette Midler's treatment of director Hugh Wilson during "The First Wives Club":
Bette Midler was such a bitch to him. While he was directing, she would be rolling her eyes, pantomiming with her favorite actors, and she made it very difficult. And he was at his wit's end. He was actually a very nice man, but she was very unkind to him on that movie.
Thank you, Bronson. Oh, for the record, Bronson raved about Tom Hanks, saying he is as nice now as he was back in the day before he was an A-list actor. Good to know not all celebrities are tools.
Could’ve been so beautiful
Octomom Nadya Suleman reported she thinks Mr. Jon Gosselin is cute, especially when he wears purple.
What? Anyway. Jon — formerly of Jon and Kate Plus 8 — wasn’t too thrilled with this news, saying it weirded him out.
I just really feel this is one of those sad situations where timing is just off. I think normally Nadya and Jon might be perfect for each other. They could pop out another 400 kids, make reality TV shows together. But right now they are both just too busy. Nadya is a single mom, handling a litter of her own, trying to land a reality TV gig to whore out her children for money, and Jon is out hitting the town like the happening single guy he is, working the younger girlfriend, being sued by TLC for breach of contract, trying to become a good Jewish man, all while working on his own reality show with Lindsey Lohan’s dad about being divorced celebrity dads.
Star-crossed lovers. It’s sad, really.
Keeping it in the family
So, I saw this story online about how Jermaine Jackson is being sued for child support from his ex. He has two kids with this woman, their names being Jermajesty and Jaffar (“Jermajesty” gave my spell check an aneurysm). Well, this news isn’t really all that exciting, but then I read that Jermaine and his brother, Randy, had babies with the same lady! That’s right, Jermaine’s ex-wife, Alejandra Jackson, is also Randy’s baby momma (she had three kids with Randy). WOW. If those kids weren’t already set for disaster just being Jacksons, they truly are now. Good luck with that.
A Real Housewife is pregnant
One of the cast members of the Real Housewives of New York is pregnant. Bethenny Frankel, who just got engaged to her boyfriend, told the press she is in fact a couple of months pregnant. She was really upset that the news was leaked online and she had to come out early to tell everyone, because they haven’t even been to the doctor yet.
“Although The Real Housewives of New York City star had hoped to wait until she was further along to break the news, online buzz on PerezHilton.com caused her to reveal that she's roughly two months pregnant. ‘It’s premature to be telling people this," she tells People while fighting back tears.’
Though she knows she can hardly keep secrets now that she's a reality star, Frankel, 38, says she'd hoped to keep the news private a bit longer. ‘I haven't even gone through my first trimester. We haven't even heard the heartbeat. My [fiancé's] parents didn't even know.’”
Listen, I don’t mean to to be insensitive, but this is how you deal with rumors that you are pregnant: you just don’t say anything until you are ready. It’s really that simple. Perez Hilton isn’t forcing your hand. So I have a hard time feeling bad for her. She’s just another reality tv darling who invites way more drama into her life than is necessary. I do wish her the best of luck, though, of course.
Tina Fey makes me happy
And to end, I thought it would be fun to show you a recent interview Ms. Tina Fey gave on the Letterman show. Tina is absolutely amazing — all that and a bowl of grits. This interview cracked me up. As a friend of mine put it, “She gives good interview.”
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