Posted
by Matt Armstrong
September 18, 2007 at 7:13 p.m.
Armegeddon Outta Here!
Guys? For real. It's happening. I promise you, that after years of planning for it, of learning how to utilize the household and public items around me as lethal weapons, it's finally time to set the plan in motion. The sickness even came from where Romero guessed it would![The Zombie Apocalypse has begun.][1] Duh-duhn-duhn! I mean it, as soon as we start hearing news reports about strange illnesses creeping into the Yucatan, we pack up and head north. We should be able to get into cold enough territory as winter falls to get away from the infected. If it looks really bad, we can go farther, move into the Arctic and let those bastards freeze. They may be the undying, but our living skin will thicken and adapt. The sickness will move fast, but we will be faster. They may be deadly, but we will be more lethal. They can spread, but we can breed, and wait.Now, all I need is a few crescent axes, some stout folks to hold a defensive line, cyclists and runners for scouts, campers (survivalist style, not Patagonia wearing Frog Brigade fans), machinists and mechanics, hunters, gardeners, and some upbeat people who like a good hike. Mutes welcome, as are mysterious mountain men we meet along the way. Hobos, come along, you keepers of knowledge. Comic and video store employees, you get to hold the front line and see if all that braggadocio gets you anywhere with the real horde. You however, you also may want to take up a physical activity in the meantime and shed some of that sittin' fat (Careful though! You'll need some to stay healthy!). In your downtime, listen to the news and read up on Max Brooks' fantastic line of novels, Prentis Rollin's "I, God.", the Poor Richard's Almanac, and Jim Davis' "Garfield Weighs In", just so that you know there is hell to be had. So stay together! Stay mobile! And stay alive!Kind of makes that investment banking course seem silly, doesn't it? But no matter; in the new world, asset managers and insurance adjusters are what we call, "testers". As in, "Go in that old building and test if there's 'anyone' inside."This is going to be the best winter ever! -m@[
][2] [1]: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7001897.stm" target="_blank [2]: http://photobucket.com" target="_blank
and 6 others
Comments
Lawrence.com does not necessarily agree with comments posted below - responsibility lies with the relevant user alone. Read our full policy.
PatrickJoseph (Patrick Giroux) says…
Good recommendation on the Max Brooks books. "The Zombie Survival Handbook" provides all possible scenarios to prepare for. Start preparing your gear and who you want in your team!
Feents (Caterina Benalcazar) says…
I like the part about breeding.
kthutch (anonymous) says…
See, my first thought was the black oil...
Shelby (anonymous) says…
I find the meteor story more interesting if fantasized as an Andromeda Strain situation rather than a zombie one.
matt (Matt Armstrong) says…
Pssshh. Andromeda Strain. Whatever. That's ridiculous.
gomordecai (Ryan Stephens) says…
Andromeda Strain
gomordecai (Ryan Stephens) says…
OK, so I like Andromeda Strain, but the x-files ref has it's valid points as well. I also have an obsession with the un-dead uprising (which could come about in any number of ways), so it's really a three sided coin toss for me, or a game of paper scissors rock...
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
Lovely, Matt.
Mr_A (Bryan Anderson) says…
God I hope they are the slow moving zombies, cause if they are the fast moving zombies ala 28 days later, then I am in serious trouble.
Mr_A (Bryan Anderson) says…
If some cute, mop-top kid claims that he is old enough to fight zombies, but is denied the opportunity to fight zombies, and then sneaks out to fight zombies anyway, but then becomes surrounded the very same zombies he is to young to fight, I'm leaving him to die, because I hate those kids.
OtherJoel (anonymous) says…
Mr_A: I had the same thought re: zombie speed. The Romero variety seems much more manageable.
And yeah -- I hate those kids too.
feeble (anonymous) says…
So, if you kill someone before the zombies get to them, do they become a zombie, or do you need zombie-on-soon-to-be-zombie action to get the dead a'walkin' ?
Mr_A (Bryan Anderson) says…
They have to of zombie related injuries for it to work. So, you can tragically shoot your best friend, or mom, or whatever, to save them from the awful fate of being a zombie. But shoot your friend and/or mom in the head just to make sure.
Unless being a zombie is really fun, and we don't know it. Then you are robbing them of all sorts of zombie fun. Jerk.
feeble (anonymous) says…
Arsenic!
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/ne...
I'll need a Fort save (DC 27) from all of you.
Mr_A (Bryan Anderson) says…
With my attributes (immunity poison, resist zombies) plus bonuses, 33!!!
I stay alive to nerd another day.